DOI issue:
February 14, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0079
72
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 14, 1880.
REGULATIONS FOR VALENTINES.
(Leap Year.)
Any Lady
sending a
Gentleman a
Valentine will
be held ipso
facto to have
tendered that
Gentleman an
offer of marriage, and be bound
by the consequences.
The Valentine may be a
work of Art of the usual
character, or it may take the
shape of a watch, a set of
studs, a dressing - case, a
writing - table, a jewelled
meerschaum, an assortment of cigars of the
choicest brands, or a riding-horse. (N.B.—
There are no limits to generosity, but it should
be borne in mind that there are limits to the
dimensions of packets carried by the General
Post-Office.)
In every case the Valentine should be accom-
panied by a photograph and a certified copy of
the birth register.
The Valeatiae must be enclosed in a registered envelope, and to insure special attention
being paid to it, should be bound round with white satin ribbon. It must be posted by the
sender in person, but she is at liberty to wear a thick veil, and to wait, if preferred, until it
is dusk.
The consent of parents or guardians need not be asked; but if the lady is a Ward of
Chancery, the sanction of the Court must first be obtained.
Until the sender has a positive assurance that her Valentine has been accepted in the
spirit in which it was offered, she is not to divulge the secret to more than three bosom
friends.
Any matrimonial engagementwhichmaybetheresultof aYalentine despatched under these
regulations, will be deemed invalid and at an end unless it is followed by a marriage before
the expiration of this present (Leap) year. The Postmaster-General will feel complimented
by an invitation to the wedding-breakfast; and a liberal gratuity should be given to the
postman by whose hands the Valentine was delivered which has brought about the happy
event.
PROFESSOR READYSON'S
NEXT INVENTION.
[By Prophetic Cable.)
New York, Monday.
It is rumoured that our talented young
inventor has discovered a wonderful liquid
that will, without doubt, supersede wine,
beer, and other now popular drinks. Until
the patents have been secured in the four
quarters of the globe the secret of the
manufacture will not be divulged. It is
whispered, however, that water will form
one of the principal ingredients. A com-
pany has been formed, entitled “The
Original Beverage Association,” and the
100-dollar shares are already quoted at 50
premium.
Tuesday.
The new invention is progressing favour-
ably. The Professor has discovered that
sugar can be used with advantage. Several
experts from New York have reported
favourably, and the original 100-dollar
shares of the “ 0. B. A.” are already in
great request at 2000 dollars.
Wednesday.
The Professor is baffled—of course., only
for the moment. Perfect amalgamation of
the elements of the new discovery has not
been, as yet, thoroughly effected. The
shares of the Association are now quoted
at a considerable reduction — 100-dollar
shares might have been had this morning
for 50.
Thursday.
Glorious news ! Our young Professor is
once more triumphant! He has discovered
that a vegetable substance largely grown
in Asia can be added to his mixture with
great effect. The shares are once more at
2000 dollars.
Friday.
Everybody is talking of the new inven-
tion. Our citizens are perfectly wild about
it. The process of manufacturing the be-
verage is as follows. Some water is heated
to boiling-point (this was discovered by
accident), the liquid is then poured into a
receptacle containing two or three spoon-
fuls of the vegetable substance (which
can be procured in large quantities from
China) ; the whole is then sweetened with
sugar. It is said that milk may be added
without spoiling the drink, and with a view
of testing this point, an enormous number
of cows have been purchased and trans-
ported to Mr. Beadyson’s workshop. The
shares of the Company have risen to 4,500
dollars for a 100-dollar share.
Saturday.
It is now asserted that the new beverage
is merely a drink known for some centuries
in various parts of the world as “Tea.”
As Mr. Beadyson’s inventions are always
startling in their originality, this report
must be taken for what it is worth.
However, the shares have fallen consider-
ably, a 100-dollar coupon having been
purchased this morning for five cents by
a collector of curiosities. I may add that
several of our citizens have made large
fortunes hy timely realisations.. I shall be
able to report a new invention of our
talented young scientist in the course of a
few days. In the meanwhile I may hint
that his latest great invention, his latest
that is, since the Electric Light, is shelved
for the present.
Mr. Punch’s Notice op Motion'(a.s soon
as p.ossible).—“To ask Mr. Parnell how
much he would take to stop where he is P ”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 14, 1880.
REGULATIONS FOR VALENTINES.
(Leap Year.)
Any Lady
sending a
Gentleman a
Valentine will
be held ipso
facto to have
tendered that
Gentleman an
offer of marriage, and be bound
by the consequences.
The Valentine may be a
work of Art of the usual
character, or it may take the
shape of a watch, a set of
studs, a dressing - case, a
writing - table, a jewelled
meerschaum, an assortment of cigars of the
choicest brands, or a riding-horse. (N.B.—
There are no limits to generosity, but it should
be borne in mind that there are limits to the
dimensions of packets carried by the General
Post-Office.)
In every case the Valentine should be accom-
panied by a photograph and a certified copy of
the birth register.
The Valeatiae must be enclosed in a registered envelope, and to insure special attention
being paid to it, should be bound round with white satin ribbon. It must be posted by the
sender in person, but she is at liberty to wear a thick veil, and to wait, if preferred, until it
is dusk.
The consent of parents or guardians need not be asked; but if the lady is a Ward of
Chancery, the sanction of the Court must first be obtained.
Until the sender has a positive assurance that her Valentine has been accepted in the
spirit in which it was offered, she is not to divulge the secret to more than three bosom
friends.
Any matrimonial engagementwhichmaybetheresultof aYalentine despatched under these
regulations, will be deemed invalid and at an end unless it is followed by a marriage before
the expiration of this present (Leap) year. The Postmaster-General will feel complimented
by an invitation to the wedding-breakfast; and a liberal gratuity should be given to the
postman by whose hands the Valentine was delivered which has brought about the happy
event.
PROFESSOR READYSON'S
NEXT INVENTION.
[By Prophetic Cable.)
New York, Monday.
It is rumoured that our talented young
inventor has discovered a wonderful liquid
that will, without doubt, supersede wine,
beer, and other now popular drinks. Until
the patents have been secured in the four
quarters of the globe the secret of the
manufacture will not be divulged. It is
whispered, however, that water will form
one of the principal ingredients. A com-
pany has been formed, entitled “The
Original Beverage Association,” and the
100-dollar shares are already quoted at 50
premium.
Tuesday.
The new invention is progressing favour-
ably. The Professor has discovered that
sugar can be used with advantage. Several
experts from New York have reported
favourably, and the original 100-dollar
shares of the “ 0. B. A.” are already in
great request at 2000 dollars.
Wednesday.
The Professor is baffled—of course., only
for the moment. Perfect amalgamation of
the elements of the new discovery has not
been, as yet, thoroughly effected. The
shares of the Association are now quoted
at a considerable reduction — 100-dollar
shares might have been had this morning
for 50.
Thursday.
Glorious news ! Our young Professor is
once more triumphant! He has discovered
that a vegetable substance largely grown
in Asia can be added to his mixture with
great effect. The shares are once more at
2000 dollars.
Friday.
Everybody is talking of the new inven-
tion. Our citizens are perfectly wild about
it. The process of manufacturing the be-
verage is as follows. Some water is heated
to boiling-point (this was discovered by
accident), the liquid is then poured into a
receptacle containing two or three spoon-
fuls of the vegetable substance (which
can be procured in large quantities from
China) ; the whole is then sweetened with
sugar. It is said that milk may be added
without spoiling the drink, and with a view
of testing this point, an enormous number
of cows have been purchased and trans-
ported to Mr. Beadyson’s workshop. The
shares of the Company have risen to 4,500
dollars for a 100-dollar share.
Saturday.
It is now asserted that the new beverage
is merely a drink known for some centuries
in various parts of the world as “Tea.”
As Mr. Beadyson’s inventions are always
startling in their originality, this report
must be taken for what it is worth.
However, the shares have fallen consider-
ably, a 100-dollar coupon having been
purchased this morning for five cents by
a collector of curiosities. I may add that
several of our citizens have made large
fortunes hy timely realisations.. I shall be
able to report a new invention of our
talented young scientist in the course of a
few days. In the meanwhile I may hint
that his latest great invention, his latest
that is, since the Electric Light, is shelved
for the present.
Mr. Punch’s Notice op Motion'(a.s soon
as p.ossible).—“To ask Mr. Parnell how
much he would take to stop where he is P ”