DOI issue:
March 27, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0144
[March 27, 1880.
138 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
ALAS I
PRETTY GRANDMAMMA ROBINSON
As SHE WAS (1851). As SHE IS HOW ! As SHE MIGHT (AND SHOULD) BE.
CORRUPT PRACTICES (ELECTION).
{Not Noticed in the New Act.)
Condoling with poor old Mrs. Corewell (voter’s wife) on her
rheumatics, and promising- to send her a specific which has been
in your family for the last hundred and fifty years.
Admiring the crewel-work of the Misses Lambley when you call
for the third time to see their brother (a wavering elector), and
gazing in rapt surprise at the view (limited) from their drawing-
room window.
Buying the Poems—Whispers and Sighs—of our talented young
townsman, Algernon Byron Triller, and reading them pre-
vious to dining with his father, an influential and somewhat
undecided constituent.
Taking the chair and proposing a vote of thanks to Mr. Lyell
Murchison Drawltngs (grandson of one of the oldest residents in
the borough) .for his highly interesting, able, and instructive
lecture, on the “ Geological Features of Cocldetop and its vicinity.”
Visiting the Free Grammar School founded by Edward the
Sixth, where you received your education and an occasional black-
eye, and securing the vote (or rather voice) and interest of every
boy in the place, by begging an immediate whole holiday.
Dining with the ancient and unanimous Order of Druidical Odd
Foresters (Court Pondicherry, No. 20185), and, in replying to the
toast of your health, expressing, amid deafening cheers, your uncon-
trollable longing to become an Honorary Member of the 1). 0. F.
Taking tickets for the Rifle Corps Ball, and dancing with the
wives and daughters of those electors recommended to you by your
Committee, without the least regard to personal or intellectual
charms or saltatory qualifications.
Lunching with a different elector every day of your canvass, and
always praising the sherry.
Attending the Anniversary of the Society for the Amelioration of
Eastern Potentates and Peoples, and in an impressive speech moving
the first Resolution, to the effect—‘4 That this meeting desires to place
upon record its unalterable adhesion to the principles which have so
long animated the efforts and guided the exertions of the Society (and
especially of the Cocldetop Branch) in that vast field of usefulness
still lying open to it in the great Eastern horizon.”
Lighting a weed, and offering your cigar-case to that hard-headed
artisan, Claghorn, the dyer, while you endeavour to bring him over
to your views on the question of Compulsory Vaccination, the one
point on which you and he are not in accord.
Having accepted an invitation to a social tea-party of the Dorcas
Society, partaking, with heroic impartiality, of “the cup that
cheers ” and its attendant cake at each of the tables; and then at
the end of the entertainment saying “ a few words” at the request
of the Committee, and trying to be facetious on the subject of button-
holes.
Hiring a spirited animal, and riding to the meet, at the Half-way
House, of the Pilton Hounds, to ingratiate yourself with the sporting
section of the constituency. With a like eye to business, and at still
greater peril to yourself and your companions, joining a party of
young farmers to shoot rooks.
Requesting the obliging local florist, Gillyflowers, to send in
every morning to your hotel a bunch of violets (your election colour)
for your button-hole.
Subscribing to both the local papers—the Bulwark and the
Watchdog—and swallowing, with undisturbed serenity, the syrup of
the one and the vitriol of the other.
Giving away your photograph by thousands (great reduction on
taking a quantity), with views of your country seat, first taking care
to write your name at the bottom of every carte.
Kissing all the babies within your reach.
A Trespasser in Midlothian.
Master of tongue-fence! Good at will
0 ur ears with speech to drown,
Till all must own him greater still
Tongue-fence at breaking down I
138 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
ALAS I
PRETTY GRANDMAMMA ROBINSON
As SHE WAS (1851). As SHE IS HOW ! As SHE MIGHT (AND SHOULD) BE.
CORRUPT PRACTICES (ELECTION).
{Not Noticed in the New Act.)
Condoling with poor old Mrs. Corewell (voter’s wife) on her
rheumatics, and promising- to send her a specific which has been
in your family for the last hundred and fifty years.
Admiring the crewel-work of the Misses Lambley when you call
for the third time to see their brother (a wavering elector), and
gazing in rapt surprise at the view (limited) from their drawing-
room window.
Buying the Poems—Whispers and Sighs—of our talented young
townsman, Algernon Byron Triller, and reading them pre-
vious to dining with his father, an influential and somewhat
undecided constituent.
Taking the chair and proposing a vote of thanks to Mr. Lyell
Murchison Drawltngs (grandson of one of the oldest residents in
the borough) .for his highly interesting, able, and instructive
lecture, on the “ Geological Features of Cocldetop and its vicinity.”
Visiting the Free Grammar School founded by Edward the
Sixth, where you received your education and an occasional black-
eye, and securing the vote (or rather voice) and interest of every
boy in the place, by begging an immediate whole holiday.
Dining with the ancient and unanimous Order of Druidical Odd
Foresters (Court Pondicherry, No. 20185), and, in replying to the
toast of your health, expressing, amid deafening cheers, your uncon-
trollable longing to become an Honorary Member of the 1). 0. F.
Taking tickets for the Rifle Corps Ball, and dancing with the
wives and daughters of those electors recommended to you by your
Committee, without the least regard to personal or intellectual
charms or saltatory qualifications.
Lunching with a different elector every day of your canvass, and
always praising the sherry.
Attending the Anniversary of the Society for the Amelioration of
Eastern Potentates and Peoples, and in an impressive speech moving
the first Resolution, to the effect—‘4 That this meeting desires to place
upon record its unalterable adhesion to the principles which have so
long animated the efforts and guided the exertions of the Society (and
especially of the Cocldetop Branch) in that vast field of usefulness
still lying open to it in the great Eastern horizon.”
Lighting a weed, and offering your cigar-case to that hard-headed
artisan, Claghorn, the dyer, while you endeavour to bring him over
to your views on the question of Compulsory Vaccination, the one
point on which you and he are not in accord.
Having accepted an invitation to a social tea-party of the Dorcas
Society, partaking, with heroic impartiality, of “the cup that
cheers ” and its attendant cake at each of the tables; and then at
the end of the entertainment saying “ a few words” at the request
of the Committee, and trying to be facetious on the subject of button-
holes.
Hiring a spirited animal, and riding to the meet, at the Half-way
House, of the Pilton Hounds, to ingratiate yourself with the sporting
section of the constituency. With a like eye to business, and at still
greater peril to yourself and your companions, joining a party of
young farmers to shoot rooks.
Requesting the obliging local florist, Gillyflowers, to send in
every morning to your hotel a bunch of violets (your election colour)
for your button-hole.
Subscribing to both the local papers—the Bulwark and the
Watchdog—and swallowing, with undisturbed serenity, the syrup of
the one and the vitriol of the other.
Giving away your photograph by thousands (great reduction on
taking a quantity), with views of your country seat, first taking care
to write your name at the bottom of every carte.
Kissing all the babies within your reach.
A Trespasser in Midlothian.
Master of tongue-fence! Good at will
0 ur ears with speech to drown,
Till all must own him greater still
Tongue-fence at breaking down I