Punch: Punch (78.1880)

THE MEW SLEEVE.

Granny {from the Country). “But why do they all show the Tops of their Arms in that ridiculous manner?”
Facetious Youth. “The fact is, Grandma, they’re all going to be Vaccinated after Supper!”

CABINET-MAKING.

William the Woodman lays aside his axe,

And takes a turn at somewhat finer tooling1.

Deft Craftsman as he is, the work might tax
The practised skill that follows lengthy schooling.
Chopping down trees,—Upas or otherwise,—

Is roughish toil, less asking mind than muscle,

But here’s a “ first-class job,” my hoy, that tries
More than comes out in mere athletic tussle.

You find, of course,—it really scarce needs telling,—
Shaping and fitting harder work than felling.

Such lots of timber too ! Shortness of stuff
Is scarce more puzzling than such superfluity.

Some fine of grain,. some all too rough and tough
To fit the rest with closeness and congruity.

To shape all well, and joint it firm and fast,

Use no unsound, and waste no good material,

And make a neat, strong job of it at last,

Fitted for purposes and needs imperial,

Was stiffish work, still work you scarce could shirk, man,
So buckled to like a true British workman!

Most of your stuff’s well seasoned, some too dry—

Say some folks; better dry than green, however ;

And some that now for the first time you try
Is wood unseasoned. Craftsman keen and clever,

Let’s hope in this you may make no mistake;

That you may find it nor too soft nor knotty,

Firm in the fibre, free from “ sap ” and “ shake; ”

Of substance, sound, of grain not loose or spotty,
Taking the polish kindly, and not warping,

Nor giving rival Joiners cause for carping.

It does not look amiss, one may admit,

Strong, shapely, well-squared. As for the inlaying,
Perhaps that might have been improved a bit,

Or so some quidnunc critics have been saying.

’Tis hard to please all! If it stand and hold,

And bide the stress of heat and changing weather,
The world will own this Craftsman old yet bold
Has not forgot his cunning altogether.

The Cabinet shows well, there’s no denial,

But, Will my lad, remember it’s on trial.

HOUSE DECORATION.—“ QUOD EDIS EDE.”

[From Mr. Punch’s Lectures thereon.)

Take six pounds of red paint, a pail of whitewash, and an old
hearth-broom. Thus provided, commence your dado. Lay the
whitewash freely on the upper portion of the wall, reaching as high
as you can, and bearing in mind, if it looks patchy, that a flat tone
is thoroughly inartistic. Now begin with your red. If you can’t
get the depth very uniform, remember that the line of beauty is
never a straight one. Having gone up and down the staircase and
round all the rooms armed with this reflection, you can begin your
furnishing.

Don't have a carpet in the house, hut rely solely on fresh straw.
Nothing is sweeter, and you can always command, a plentiful supply
from empty Co-operative Store cases. Friends, on calling, will
probably not come in as soon as they notice, this. You, therefore,
need not have that modern abomination, an iron umbrella-stand, in
the hall. Nor, indeed, anything else.

If you possess a drawing-room full of early Victorian furniture,
knock off its hideous excrescences with the meat-chopper. This
will give it quite a Chipping-dale look. Don’t forget that old
things are the rage. Chairs going to pieces will serve your purpose.
If anybody does call and proposes to stay, say, good-humouredly,
“ Come, I won’t have my old furniture sat upon by you.”

Don’t buy china. Account for its absence by the remark that you
are not going to let handsome things “ go to the wall.” If you feel
you must have a few plates, cut them out of back numbers of the
Graphic. Better still—decorate your walls yourself. You can do
this moot effectively with a burnt walking-stick. If hard up for a

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