Punch (84.1883)

January 20, 1833,]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVaRL.

FOOLISH FORTY.

( Written after reading Thackeray's “ Age of Wisdom,”)

Ho, witty sage with the bearded, chin,

That never needeth the barber’s shear,

Your sapient calm it were well to win,

But my Age of Wisdom hath yet to begin,

Though I have come to Forty Year.

drizzled locks cover my foolish brains,

Should I sing to Bonnybell she’d scarce hear ;

But a pleasant memory yet remains
Of the moonlight’s gleam on her window-panes,
Though I have come to Forty Year.

Forty goose-seasons have I seen pass,

Grizzling hair the brain may clear,

But I’m not so sure that a boy is an ass,

Or that one best measures the worth of a lass
When one has come to Forty Year.

And I tbink, do you know, did they truth declare,

The right good fellows whose beards are grey
They’d own to a nook in each bosom, where
The memory of some maiden fair

Was fixed, though long summers have passed away.

T-he red red lips that of old I kissed,

The bright sweet eyes that on me once shone,

Are dumb, are sightless ; but oft I list
For that gentle whisper, yet mourned and missed,
Though twenty winters have come and gone.

Lilian’s dead, hut her memory’s dear
As when I loved her twenty years syne !

Were the lass alive, I should scarce sit here,

Alone and lonely at Forty Year,

Dipping my nose in a bachelor’s wine.

THE GHOSTS’ BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION.

Since a certain trial has been concluded, everybody has been
afraid to employ Ghosts. Hence a number of talented and merito-
rious gentlemen have been thrown out of employment. Among
them may be mentioned the accomplished Ghost who does Mr.
Tonemdown’s portraits, the clever Ghost who does Mr. Quisby’s
criticisms, the versatile Ghostwho polishes upMr. Twitterly’s poems,
the epigrammatic Ghost who wrote all the good things in Mr. Dod-
dimore’s new play, the erudite Ghost who looked after the grammar
in Mr. Pinchbeck’s essays, and the musical Ghost who wrote all
that is tuneful in Mr. Offenbach Ollek’s new opera.

The above-named Society is worthy of the warmest support from
all charitable people.

Further particulars may be found in the Ghosts' Gazette,

It is rumoured that, if subscriptions are not forthcoming, a Ghosts’
Strike may be the result. This, it need scarcely be said, would be a
most serious thing for some professors in literature and art.

A WORD WITH BISMARCK.

As the Governors of Germany—doubtless without the consent of
Germany—are said to be hankering after another war, we may be
pardoned for offering a suggestion to the German Premier. Instead
of disturbing the whole resident and non-resident industrial popu-
lation of the Fatherland, and losing the productive labour of half a
million of the best citizens, it might be well to drill an army of
rogues and vagabonds. Germany is said to possess at least two
hundred thousand beggars, who draw between seven and eight
millions sterling a-year from those who work, and deducting the
usual proportinn of women, children, and idiots, this will leave a
large and able-bodied crowd to be made useful. More generalship
may be shown by fighting—if fighting is necessary—with an army
like this, than in pauperising a whole kingdom by leading its picked
men to glory.

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

Groom (to Visitor). “Please, Sir, Master wants to know where you’d like me to meet you with Fresh ’Oss, Sir?”
Judkins (who wishes he were comfortably at home), “ Fresh Horse ! This is Fresh enotjoh for me—ugh !—don’t want another
—ugh !—Stand still, will yer ! ! ”