Punch (84.1883)

February 17, 1883,]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

“STAY” NOT!

THE SURGEON’S SONG TO THE SEX,

Sung by Dr.

“ Stay ” not! No longer don
Tight cincture to your hurt,
Trust Lady Harberton,

Try the divided skirt.

Most parlous is your state,

Your only hope of cure
Lie3—try it ere too late—
in dual garmenture.

“ Stay ” not! “ Stay ”

not!

Richardson.

“ Stay ” not! The torturing steel,
The rib-compressing lace,

Will mar the human weal,

Will wreck the human race.
What profits waist of wasp,

Shape on the hour-glass model,
When you don’t breathe, but gasp,
When you don’t walk, but
waddle ?

“Stay’’not! “Stay’’not!

[And they stay not—to listen.

The ease against the Sir Per se Shelley Theatre is adjourned for an
entr'acte of a fortnight. The talented Baronet is probably now con-
sidering Shelley or Shelley not come to terms with Mr. Slengsby
Bethell, who, if there is anything in a name, evidently resides
within a stone’s throw of Sir Per-se’s House of Entertainment. But
was it ever expected that there could be anything but a difficulty
when a small Theatre and a little Bethel were in the same street ?
If peace be restored to the latter, and piece be permitted in the
former, then—

All’s welly that ends welly,

In the House of Percy Shelley.

BUMBLEDOM AGAIN.

The longer Bumbledom exists, the more wonderful it becomes,
especially at Christmas time. Its finest qualities are always brought
out by contact with “ entertainments.” When a liberal Theatrical
Manager offers a few hours free amusement to people who are com-
pelled to live upon the charity of ratepayers, it is not uncommon to
find the Poor-Law Guardians refusing such a gift on behalf of the
wretched creatures under their charge, and priding themselves on
their self -denial. It is so easy to refuse something which is given
by somebody to somebody else,—something which deprives the Stoic
of no appreciable pleasure. Much as Bumbledom has distinguished
itself in connection with firmness of this order, it has been left for
the Guardians of a somewhat unsavoury Eastern Parish to go still
further. The Shoreditch Guardians have suddenly discovered that
all children unfortunate enough to be what is called “ illegitimate ”
are not entitled to witness an exhibition of dissolving views. What
lawfully-begotten idiot first hit upon this new development of Bum-
bledom, it is impossible to say, but the decision, we believe, was
approved of and acted upon. In this neighbourhood of fried fish
and cheap clothing, a Lady has been striving for years, at great cost
and trouble, to show the world what practical charity is, and it
appears that she has taught the world, but has not taught Shore-
ditch. Shoreditch has perhaps never heard of Lady Burdett-
Coutts, or the good Samaritan, and may regard the cloak of Charity
as merely a specimen of “old clothes.”

The Blacjk-Legs of the Turf.—Girlettes on the Tennis-Lawn.

Experientia Docet.—Proverb for the First Commissioner of
Works to mutter as he surveys the dismounted Duke.—“ Put a
statue on horseback, and it’s the very deuce to get him down
again.”

A NOVELTY.

The new “ Photo-filigrane ”
note-paper and visiting-cards,
invented by Mr. W. H. Wood-
bury, and published by Messrs.
Brown, Barnes and Bell,
Photographers. You can write
over your own portrait, art-
fully concealed within the
sheet, and only discoverable
by the uninitiated reader,
when after vainly endeavour-
ing to brush something off the
paper—he can’t tell what—
and feeling that he must either
send for a doctor, or give up
everything he has been in the
habit of taking freely at once,
he holds the letter up to the
light, and finds the photograph
of the writer. It is proposed
to develope this new inven-
tion in cheque-books, pro-
missory-notes, bills, scrip, and
debentures, which last will
always have the portrait of
the holder, and those of the
two signing Directors. It is
likely to fcad to a good deal
of heartburnings and jea-
lousies, and rows generally in
private families, and may
; safely be recommended to
| disappointed lovers. When
' you don’t recognise the name
on a Photofiligrane visiting-
card, you have only to hold
it up to the light. “ Oh,
that fellow, is it ? All right,
John : mind I’m not at home
when that gentleman calls! ”

; It has its advantages, un-
! ioubtedly.

‘ ‘ Capital place for luncheon
| is the Criterion,” said Mrs.

! Ramsbotham, “after a long
morning’s shopping. As my
| Uncle the Dean says, 1 Dura
Spiro Pondo ! ’ ”

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 123.


JAMES STAATS FORBES, ESQ,., L.C.D. AND D.R.

1 Keep your eye on your Chairman, and your Chairman will pull you through.”

Toole’s Trite Sayings.

A DRAMATIC TONIC.

Amongst all the fashionable
Drama-olator y—Actor-ol ator y,
and even Theatre-olatory, it is
as refreshing as a tonic to find
one body of men, however
mistaken, who boldly oppose
dramatic entertainments in
any shape, and give, as a
reason, that young men are
better without them. The
Vice-Chancellor and the Heads
of Colleges of the University
of Cambridge, are perfectly
within their legal right in
holding these opinions and
acting upon them, and the
townspeople are perfectly
within their right in opposing
the Vice-Chancellor and the
Heads of Colleges. Our own.
opinion is, that the Drama,
even in its least elevated form,
is a much better amusement
for Undergraduates than many
time-honoured dissipations
that are found in every Uni-
versity City. Verbum sap.

A SONG OF SOUTH
LONDON.

Air.—1 ‘ Mary had a little Lamb.”

London had a demon Tram,

Huge, lumbering, noisy,
slow;

And everywhere that London
went,

That Tram was sure to go.

An Ogre-pet, a Frankenstein ;

Where’er man’s footsteps fell

Was heard the thunder of its
tram]i,

The tinkling of its bell.

Oh, Nature! your so vaunted
course

Is surely but a sham,

You “ bring not back the
Mastodon,”

But will you take the Tram ?

Vol. 84.

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