DOI Heft:
June 30, 1883
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17754#0307
Jdne 30, 1883.] PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHAKIVAKL 3oi
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
THE WESTMINSTER WAX-WORKS.-THE CHAMBER OF HORRORS.
House of Commons, Monday Night, June 18.—Mr. Bright “ been
saying things ” down at Birmingham. Mr. James Lowther shocked.
Lord Randolph horrified. Mr. Chaplin- indignant. Agree that
Sir Stafford must do something. Sir Stafford not quite sure about
wisdom or safety of course suggested.
“ People living in glass-houses throwing stones, and that sort of
thing, you know,” he murmured. But Truthful James insistent.
“If there’s one thing I can’t bear/’ he says, “it’s strong lan-
guage. Let us, above all things, be moderate. We differ from
Gentlemen opposite on matters of opinion; but don’t let us there-
fore accuse them of maltreating their mother3-in~law. Bright’s
example might be followed by younger Members like Rylands and
Dullwxn, if left unrebuked. Practice might spread. Might reach
even our side, and then think of disgrace to our cause ! ”
Sir Stafford Northcote still doubtful, but yields to argument,
and here’s Mr. Bright to-night dragged up for judgment.
“ Brought a sheet with you, John ? ” the waggish Wilfrid said
as the Birmingham Heavy Weight appeared. “Got a candle in
your pocket ? You ’ll look well standing at the Bar doing penance.”
Turns out to be a mistake somewhere. Penance last idea in John’s
mind. “ Seems,” as Sir Charles Forster says, “leg’son other boot.”
The Conservative Party are had up for punishment, whilst the Irish
“ rebel ” Party get a slogging, under which they shout and toss in
impotent pain. Even the blameless Randolph is seized by collar,
and roughly shaken. Grand Cross in terrible trepidation. Almost
piteously begged for “ something the House could accept as apology.”
“ I thought we ’d better have left him alone,” says Sir Stafford
Northcote, wishing it were over.
In excitement of moment no one answered Mr. Marum’s conun-
drum. Mr. Martjm a gentleman with red face and inoffensive
manners. When he suddenly sprang up in interruption of Premier,
House painfully surprised. Didn’t expect such a thing of him. But
Martjm once aroused not easily quelled. Insisted on right to speak.
House yelled “Order!” Mr. Marhm defiantly shook his head.
Irish Members cheered madly. Speaker rose. Premier resumed
seat. Martjm still on legs sternly facing uproar. A lull. Then
Marhm speaks.
“ Is it in order,” he says, amid silenoe appalling by contrast with
recent uproar, “that the Prime Minister should assume that no
one should speak from these benches when they have not got the
opportunity of speaking as they are prepared—or not ? ”
House paused a moment, trying to master this remarkable pro-
blem. Giving it up, burst into a roar of laughter, that lasted
several minutes.
“ Captain Bunsby, by gad!” said Lord Edmond Fitzmahrice.
“ The bearings of this observation lay in the application on it.”
An alien Legislature might laugh; but Mr. Marhm had posed
them. Let them answer his conundrum, or honestly give it up.
_ Business done.—Agreed to one Amendment on the Corrupt Prac-
tices Bill.
Tuesday Night.—Lyon Playfair (whom really don’t know
whether I ought to call Sir Lyon) delivered another interesting
lecture. Subject not attractive. Small-pox, in fact, which, on the
whole, is a little worse than vivisection. But the lecture so
fascinating that unpleasantness of subject lost sight of. Lecture
lasted Professorial hour. Benches rapidly filled up. Students
most orderly. No shuffling of feet, coughing, or other noises,
though plenty of applause. Peter Taylor sat on back bench,
shaking his head, and taking voluminous notes. Pretty to see the
pitying smile of Mr. Hopwood, as he regarded the applausive crowd.
“Wonderful simplicity about this House, Toby,” he said to
me, afterwards. “A little learning goes a far way with them.
Will believe anything, if figures are quoted, and scientific illus-
trations introduced. I could have rolled up Playfair in ten
minutes. But wasn’t worth while ; and perhaps House wouldn’t
have heard me. They don’t like real erudition.”
Great hue and cry after Mr. Mayne. Gone off with Sir Arthur
Hayter’s hat. Sir Arthur, worn out with departmental work,
and attendance on House, falls asleep in Library. Puts his
hat on table; new one last week. Cost guinea-and-half. Bather
proud of it. Division-bell rings; wakes up; seizes hat; fancies
it’s limp. Looks again, and discovers it’s positively decrepit, and
hung round with habiliments of woe, in shape of crape band.
Police inquiry. Howard Vincent comes down. “Who was in
room when you fell asleep F ” “ Only Mr. Mayne.” Examine hat.
Find A. M. written inside lining. Cordon of Police thrown round
the House. Police boat off the terrace reinforced. Search for
Mayne. Can’t be found. Look out for him next day. Doesn’t
turn up. Suspicions deepen. Richard Power, threatened with
arrest as accomplice, confesses he’s gone to Monaghan on Electoral
business. This looks serious. Question whether to canvas votes
in new hat of Minister of the Crown is not corrupt practice.
“Anyhow,” says Mr. O’Sullivan, “it’s a very Mayne trick.
I Hayter thing of that sort.”
Sir Charles Forster, soon as he heard of it, called to pay visit
of condolence to Sir Arthur. “ I know what it is to lose a hat,”
said the Hon. Baronet, with tears in his eyes.
Business done.—Anti-Vaccination craze received death-blow.
Wednesday.—More conundrums from Irish Members. Mr. Shiel
wants to know what section of Irish Party O’Donnell belongs to. This
worse than Marum’s. House gives it up on the spot. O’Donnell
himself quite taken aback. Thinks Shiel should have given notice
of question. Answering off-hand, he should say' he represents
Frank Hugh O’Donnell ; in brief, he’s the Fifth Party.
Terrible young man when once roused, is young Shiel. “Looks
as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth,” says Joseph Gillis,
admiringly, “ and yet he goes for O’Donnell. Neat hit that about
using the stationery of the Irish Parliamentary Party to write letters
to newspapers. Must cultivate Shiel’s acquaintance. Wonder if
he’s partial to mild breakfast-bacon. Looks as if he was. Shall ;
send him half a side.” Business done.—Irish.
Thursday.—Criminal Code Bill dropped. Been dropping for some I
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
THE WESTMINSTER WAX-WORKS.-THE CHAMBER OF HORRORS.
House of Commons, Monday Night, June 18.—Mr. Bright “ been
saying things ” down at Birmingham. Mr. James Lowther shocked.
Lord Randolph horrified. Mr. Chaplin- indignant. Agree that
Sir Stafford must do something. Sir Stafford not quite sure about
wisdom or safety of course suggested.
“ People living in glass-houses throwing stones, and that sort of
thing, you know,” he murmured. But Truthful James insistent.
“If there’s one thing I can’t bear/’ he says, “it’s strong lan-
guage. Let us, above all things, be moderate. We differ from
Gentlemen opposite on matters of opinion; but don’t let us there-
fore accuse them of maltreating their mother3-in~law. Bright’s
example might be followed by younger Members like Rylands and
Dullwxn, if left unrebuked. Practice might spread. Might reach
even our side, and then think of disgrace to our cause ! ”
Sir Stafford Northcote still doubtful, but yields to argument,
and here’s Mr. Bright to-night dragged up for judgment.
“ Brought a sheet with you, John ? ” the waggish Wilfrid said
as the Birmingham Heavy Weight appeared. “Got a candle in
your pocket ? You ’ll look well standing at the Bar doing penance.”
Turns out to be a mistake somewhere. Penance last idea in John’s
mind. “ Seems,” as Sir Charles Forster says, “leg’son other boot.”
The Conservative Party are had up for punishment, whilst the Irish
“ rebel ” Party get a slogging, under which they shout and toss in
impotent pain. Even the blameless Randolph is seized by collar,
and roughly shaken. Grand Cross in terrible trepidation. Almost
piteously begged for “ something the House could accept as apology.”
“ I thought we ’d better have left him alone,” says Sir Stafford
Northcote, wishing it were over.
In excitement of moment no one answered Mr. Marum’s conun-
drum. Mr. Martjm a gentleman with red face and inoffensive
manners. When he suddenly sprang up in interruption of Premier,
House painfully surprised. Didn’t expect such a thing of him. But
Martjm once aroused not easily quelled. Insisted on right to speak.
House yelled “Order!” Mr. Marhm defiantly shook his head.
Irish Members cheered madly. Speaker rose. Premier resumed
seat. Martjm still on legs sternly facing uproar. A lull. Then
Marhm speaks.
“ Is it in order,” he says, amid silenoe appalling by contrast with
recent uproar, “that the Prime Minister should assume that no
one should speak from these benches when they have not got the
opportunity of speaking as they are prepared—or not ? ”
House paused a moment, trying to master this remarkable pro-
blem. Giving it up, burst into a roar of laughter, that lasted
several minutes.
“ Captain Bunsby, by gad!” said Lord Edmond Fitzmahrice.
“ The bearings of this observation lay in the application on it.”
An alien Legislature might laugh; but Mr. Marhm had posed
them. Let them answer his conundrum, or honestly give it up.
_ Business done.—Agreed to one Amendment on the Corrupt Prac-
tices Bill.
Tuesday Night.—Lyon Playfair (whom really don’t know
whether I ought to call Sir Lyon) delivered another interesting
lecture. Subject not attractive. Small-pox, in fact, which, on the
whole, is a little worse than vivisection. But the lecture so
fascinating that unpleasantness of subject lost sight of. Lecture
lasted Professorial hour. Benches rapidly filled up. Students
most orderly. No shuffling of feet, coughing, or other noises,
though plenty of applause. Peter Taylor sat on back bench,
shaking his head, and taking voluminous notes. Pretty to see the
pitying smile of Mr. Hopwood, as he regarded the applausive crowd.
“Wonderful simplicity about this House, Toby,” he said to
me, afterwards. “A little learning goes a far way with them.
Will believe anything, if figures are quoted, and scientific illus-
trations introduced. I could have rolled up Playfair in ten
minutes. But wasn’t worth while ; and perhaps House wouldn’t
have heard me. They don’t like real erudition.”
Great hue and cry after Mr. Mayne. Gone off with Sir Arthur
Hayter’s hat. Sir Arthur, worn out with departmental work,
and attendance on House, falls asleep in Library. Puts his
hat on table; new one last week. Cost guinea-and-half. Bather
proud of it. Division-bell rings; wakes up; seizes hat; fancies
it’s limp. Looks again, and discovers it’s positively decrepit, and
hung round with habiliments of woe, in shape of crape band.
Police inquiry. Howard Vincent comes down. “Who was in
room when you fell asleep F ” “ Only Mr. Mayne.” Examine hat.
Find A. M. written inside lining. Cordon of Police thrown round
the House. Police boat off the terrace reinforced. Search for
Mayne. Can’t be found. Look out for him next day. Doesn’t
turn up. Suspicions deepen. Richard Power, threatened with
arrest as accomplice, confesses he’s gone to Monaghan on Electoral
business. This looks serious. Question whether to canvas votes
in new hat of Minister of the Crown is not corrupt practice.
“Anyhow,” says Mr. O’Sullivan, “it’s a very Mayne trick.
I Hayter thing of that sort.”
Sir Charles Forster, soon as he heard of it, called to pay visit
of condolence to Sir Arthur. “ I know what it is to lose a hat,”
said the Hon. Baronet, with tears in his eyes.
Business done.—Anti-Vaccination craze received death-blow.
Wednesday.—More conundrums from Irish Members. Mr. Shiel
wants to know what section of Irish Party O’Donnell belongs to. This
worse than Marum’s. House gives it up on the spot. O’Donnell
himself quite taken aback. Thinks Shiel should have given notice
of question. Answering off-hand, he should say' he represents
Frank Hugh O’Donnell ; in brief, he’s the Fifth Party.
Terrible young man when once roused, is young Shiel. “Looks
as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth,” says Joseph Gillis,
admiringly, “ and yet he goes for O’Donnell. Neat hit that about
using the stationery of the Irish Parliamentary Party to write letters
to newspapers. Must cultivate Shiel’s acquaintance. Wonder if
he’s partial to mild breakfast-bacon. Looks as if he was. Shall ;
send him half a side.” Business done.—Irish.
Thursday.—Criminal Code Bill dropped. Been dropping for some I