Punch (84.1883)

March 10, 1883 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE LATEST FROM THE STOCK EXCHANGE.

“Hi! Brown! Why are you like an Irish Detective? Give
it up ? Because you ’re always looking after ‘ No. 1 ’ ! ”

THEATRE ROYAL, WESTMINSTER.

Under the Management of Sir Verdant Harcourt, the Seldom-at-Home
Secretary.

The Manager begs to announce that the Old English Comedy of
The Government of London, in Two Acts, which has had a successful
run of nearly thirty years, to the entire satisfaction of an enlightened
Public, will be shortly replaced by a Screaming Farce, in One Act,
entitled The Brand New Municipality ; or, A. Leap in the Dark.
He is also happy to be enabled to announce that the characters of
“The Three Solemn Leaguers” will be played by “The Bounding
Brothers of Chelsea,” and. that fabulous terms have been offered to
His Grace the Duke of Pimlico, to induce him to take the part of
The New Lord Mayor,—that arrangement failing, the part will be
offered to Mr. Toole.

The Manager submits the first two Scenes, as a sample of what the
Public may expect:—

Scene—A blasted Heath. Thunder, lightning, and drenching rain,

Enter The Three Solemn Leaguers, with umbrellas up.

First Leaguer. When shall we three meet again ?

When there ain’t quite so much rain ?

Second Leaguer. When the Corporation ’s done,

When we have our good berths won.

Third Leaguer. Then we ’ll have some jolly fun !

First Leaguer. Where the place ?

Third Leaguer. Oh, in some dark Court,

There to meet with rash McHarcourt.

Two drums ! two drums ! McHarcourt comes !

All Three. The Three Leaguers, hand in hand,

Sick at sea and mocked on land,

Thus do go about, about,

Three good lies, and three of thine,

And three of thine to make up nine,

Peace! the charm’s wound up !

109

Enter McHarcourt and McDilke, in tourist suits, followed by
two Detectives disguised as Keepers.

McHarcourt. Nor fowl nor hare to-day I have not seen.

McDilke. How far is’t called to Chelsea ?

McHarcourt. Who are you ? You should be gentlemen,

And yet your seedy looks do make me doubt

That you are so. Speak, if you can ! What are you ?

First Leaguer. All hail, McHarcourt ! Hail to thee, great M.P.!
Second Leaguer. All hail, McHarcourt ! Hail to thee, Home-
Secretary !

Third Leaguer. Ail hail, McHarcourt ! That shalt the Premier
be! [They vanish.

McDilke. This heath hath humbugs e’en as Chelsea hath,

And these are of them.

McHarcourt. Would we had d ever seen them ! [Exeunt.

Scene If,—m Printing Office in the Strand.

Enter the Three Solemn Leaguers.

First Leaguer. Thrice the gin punch have we brewed !

Second Leaguer. Thrice ; and once on pig we’ve dined !

Third Leaguer. Harcourt cries, ’Tis time ! ’tis time !

First Leaguer. Now about our task we ’ll go ;

In the poisoned slanders throw.

Lies that in the month that’s come—

Days and nights just thirty-one—

Fools and dolts for truth have took,

Put we first in our lying book !

All. Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble,

Lies and shams and Bneers we double.

First Leaguer. Here’s a sting like a gnat.

Third Leaguer. Put in that, put in that.

Second Leaguer. Here’s Badlaw’s brain.

Third Leaguer. Put in a grain.

First Leaguer. Here’s mud from cads, and slime that’s badder.
Third Leaguer. That will make our foes much madder.

All. Hubble, bubble, &c., &c.

Third Leaguer. Oh, well done ! He T1 commend our pains,

And everyone shall share the gains.

All goes right, and nought goes wrong,

So let us sing our jolly song.

SONG (WITH CHORUS).

Air—11 If I had a Thousand a Year."

First Leaguer.

I once was a Member of Parliament,

And had two thousand a year,

But I couldn’t control my unruly tongue,

So now I find myself bare.

But in the New Municipalitee
I a something shall find that will just suit me,

So that is why I am here, my Boys, I Repeat in
So that is why I am here. \ Chorus.

Second Leaguer.

Though I am a Member of Parliament,

I have not two thousand a year ;

But I soon got a little, and hope to get more,

Though I shall have to wait long, 1 fear :

But in the New Municipalitee, &c.

Third Leaguer.

I ne’er was a Member of Parliament,

And never shall be one, I fear ;

But the be-all and end-all of my public life
Is to get just two thousand a year.

And in the New Municipalitee, &c.

[At the end of the Chorus they join hands and dance to the tune
of “ We are a Merry Family, we are, we are ! ” and vanish
—till they reappear in their next Scene.

The “Royal” Amusements.— There are a wonderful pair of
Clowns--no not Pantaloons—styling themselves “The Two Macs,”
now performing at the Royal Music-Hall. Their fight is one of the
most astonishing and amusing things we’ve seen for a long time.
They ought to call their entertainment “ The Two Macs and the Fifty
Smacks, which, being successful, they ’ll stick to like wax.” And
they really seem to like whacks. The Proprietors must be doing un-
commonly well, as there’s a considerable amount of Coyne—no
duffer, but the genuine article every evening. But when shall we
have the part-songs and the glees, ancient and modern, back again,
as in the good old days, Consule “Paddy” at Evans’s? Just a
sprinkling of these, sung by well-trained choristers, would be highly
acceptable to a considerable portion of the public, which is at present
prejudiced, and not altogether unreasonably, against the usual kind
of Music-Hall Entertainment.

Vol. 8i.

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