Punch: Punch (84.1883)

jasoary 20, 1883.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 29

Brand-new Exhibition ! The Grand Old Giant, “ still
Growing ” in Public Estimation, and the Mitey Midget.

REAL DOMESTIC BLISS;

Or, New Form of Marriage-Licence.

Scene —Fashionable Jeweller's Shop in Bond Street. Time—Early
in 1883, soon after the coming into operation of the Married
Woman’s Property Act, passed in 1882. Enter a Married Lady.
To her approaches Obsequious Tradesman.

Obsequious Tradesman. What may I have the honour of showing
you, Madam ?

Married Lady. I wish to see some of your best sapphire rings ;
also some gold bracelets set with rubies and diamonds; and—eh —
you may show me some diamond tiaras.

Obsequious Tradesman (delighted, and bowing very loiv). With
pleasure, Madam. [Returns with an assortment of the most expen-
sive jewellery in his establishment.) This bracelet, Madam, is an
exceptionally beautiful object. Observe the blending of colours
produced bv the alternate rubies, opals, and brilliants. [Shows it.

Married Lada. What is the price of this ?

Obsequious Tradesman. The price is two hundred and fifty
guineas, Madam.

\_Rubs his hands, and smiles in an oily manner, which is in-
tended to propitiate his customers should they venture to
deprecate his charges — a not uncommon event.

Married Lady (carelessly). Then I will take the bracelet. Now
show me some rings—sapphires. Mind, I don’t want to go above
a hundred guineas.

[At the end of her purchases has managed to lay in about £1000
ivorth of first-class jewellery, the real cost of which to the
jeweller is probably £700 at most. Obsequious Tradesman
begins to wonder who she is.

Obsequious Tradesman [towards end of interview). To whom shall
I put it down, Madam ?

Married Lady. Oh, put it down to Mrs. Theodore Topsawyer,
827, Park Lane.

Obsequious Tradesman [who thinks he remembers having heard
something about the Topsawyers, but can’t exactly recollect what it
is). Then a young man will call with the articles this afternoon,
Madam ; and. no doubt Mr. Theodore Topsawyer-

Married Lady. Oh, don’t trouble him! He has nothing whatever
to do with the business.

Obsequious Tradesman [smiling still more unctuously). Well,
Madam, I suppose—ahem!—we must look to Mr. Topsawyer for—
ahem!—for payment P

Married Lady [decidedly). Not at all. I pay for my own require-
ments. But perhaps you are not aware that the new Act of Parlia-
ment enables a wife to dispose of her own property without her
husband’s knowledge or consent P

Obsequious Tradesman [to whom the m6st interesting point is
whether or not Mrs. Topsawyer has any property of her own to
dispose of, but who would rather perish than ask the question). Oh, yes,
Madam ; but you see that as the goods can hardly be termed neces-
saries, if Mr. Topsawyer should not feel disposed to pay for them,
he is not obliged to do so by the law. [Brings out a copy of the
Law Reports, and reads copious extracts from the judgment of the
House of Lords in the case o/Debenham v. Mellon.)

Married Lady [interrupting). Ah! but the law has been quite
altered. [Takes out a small volume, containing the new Married
Woman’s Property Act, bound in Russia leather, and reads)—“A
married woman shall be capable of acquiring, holding, and disposing
by will or otherwise of any property as if she were unmarried. She
may enter into any contracts, and sue and be sued without the par-
ticipation of her husband,” &c., &c. [Goes on vivaciously.) You
see, Mr. Topsawyer’s legal position is this, and it’s not a satisfactory
one—for Mr. Topsawyer. He “endowed” me, of course, at our
marriage, “ with all his worldly goods ” ; now I have not endowed him
with all my worldly goods, or any of them, and this new law says 1
can do whatever I like with my own property. And I choose to buy
these bracelets and things. So you will kindly send them to me
this afternoon, and on delivery I will give you a cheque on my
bankers. Does that satisfy you ?

Obsequious Tradesman [overcome with conflicting emotions). Oh—
entirely, Madam. [Hesitating, and trying to be polite.) Possibly, I
you would have no objection to our young man, when he calls with
the articles, seeing Mr. Topsawyer, and receiving his assurance,
just as a matter of form-

Married Lady [with dignity). Is not my assurance enough P
Besides, you can't possibly see Mr. Topsawyer, as the new law gives
a wife power to institute criminal proceedings against her husband, I
and mine is at present, I regret to say, in custody on a charge of
making off with my best umbrella. Yes, very unpleasant, isn’t itP
Well, I must go now, as I have to be at Bow Street at twelve o’clock,
when I appear against Mr. Topsawyer. [As bowed out, and exit.

[Obsequious Tradesman recovers slowly, after taking a “ pick-
me-up” in his private sanctum, and sends out for a copy of
the Married Woman’s Property Act, when he finds that a
wife can only institute criminal proceedings against her
husband in respect of her property when she no longer
lives with him. Remembers also that ivhat he had heard
about Mrs. Topsawyer was that she had run through all her
own property and most of her husband’s, and then made the
house unbearable to him. Obsequious Tradesman decides
not to send the jewellery, and to have as little as possible to
do with Mrs. Topsawyer in the future.

Cockney Conundrum.—Why is the maker of a Will like an adul-
terating Publican P Because he is a test-’ater !

LITTLE DUCKS GOING TO MARKET.

“ Ornithological toilettes are the latest novelties of the Parisian winter
season—dresses smothered in feathers of different kinds to suit all com-
plexions.”— Queen.