DOI issue:
March 3, 1883
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17754#0112
March 3, 1883.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 105
Old Man had ruffled his hair, mangled his shirt collar, pulled his
scarf awry, rubbed his hat on the wrong side of the nap, and thus
arrayed (“like Jeremiah in a dull moment,” as Sir Charles Dilke
said), announced that he’d made up his mind not to vote against Bill
at this stage. Sepulchral tones, mournful inflection, woebegone
countenance. Then, holding the ruffled hat well out so that it might
have due effect, he solemnly strode forth shaking off dust of House
from his feet. A sight to make angels weep; but ribald House only
laughed.
Business done.—Rambled round Address.
Tuesday Night. — Still thinking of forming a Fifth Party.
Engaged in studying the Fourth.
“ Always attend to details,” as Napoleon the First said, when
crossing the Alps. “ Trifles are the seed of great accomplishments.”
Fancy there must be something in the oratorical attitude of the
Fourth Party that has led to their success. _ Each has distinct way
of standing whilst addressing the House. Sir Henry Wo lee, with
Toby on Guard.
arms akimbo, legs slightly astride, chest expanded, and a pleasant
smile lurking about his massive countenance, stands well out in
view of the House. If he simply stood there and said nothing, the
speech would be eloquent. “ Here I am, a buttress of Church and
State, the censor of diplomatic .jobs, a guardian of British Honour,
custodian of the Mediterranean from Gibraltar to Alexandria.”
Randolph makes all his points with his left toe. If the Speaker
were to rule it out of order that Members addressing the House
should stand on their right leg, with the left heel downwards,
and the tip of shoe pointing to the ceiling, Randolph would be
dumb. Wish we’d thought of that when Rules of Procedure going
through. Fancy could have worked in an Amendment by large
majority.
This pedal movement more remarkable, since Mr. Gorst, watchful
of his great leader, frequently imitates it, in variation of an earlier
manner of balancing his body from foot to foot, as if the iron floor of
the House were uncomfortably hot. Mr. Balfour bends his tall
figure over the House as if he loved it, certain that all would he well
if it would yield to his guidance and throw out Mr. Gladstone.
Shall get my party together, and drill them in these various
attitudes.
To-night, full opportunity of studying the Lord Chancellor Gorst,
who moves Amendment on Address, and trots out old stories about
Kilmainham. Rapturous cheering from Mr. Warton, Mr. Aider-
man Fowler, and Lord Randolph, himself, who has lent his seat to
the Lord Chancellor, and hands him up his extracts.
“A six-and-eightpenny sort of young man, Gorst,” said Har-
court. “ A great light lost to Police-Court practice. Would have
shone in dark recesses of County Courts, or even made a name on
the blazing roll of Quarter-Sessions fame. A little acid for the
House of Commons.”
But then Mr. Gorst had just referred to the Home Secretary as
“ incompetent.”
Business done.—Strolling through Address.
Wednesday Night.—Yery dull afternoon in House of Commons.
Forster coyly hanging back, waiting for Parnell. Parnell
waiting for Forster. Meantime, hours must be occupied, and
various speeches delivered.
At eight o’clock Liberal Party adjourned to Devonshire Club.
Elected Mr. Caine Speaker. Yery interesting proceedings. Mr. S.
Smith took the oath and his seat for Liverpool, and subsequently
made short speech. Speech of evening, Lord Richard Grosvenor’s.
Summed up whole duty of Liberal Member under three heads
(1) Always vote with the Government; (2) Always dine in the House
of Commons ; (3) Never speak unless you are intimately acquainted
with the subject. This last might well be emblazoned over Speaker’s
chair. Would do more to shorten Parliamentary proceedings than
any other form of cloture.
Wonderful dormant talent for oratory among the Whips! Sir
William Dyke now becoming one of chief orators on Front Bench.
Lord Richard never speaks in the House, but evidently not because
he can’t. Lord Kensington a model speaker. Occasionally, in
capacity of Arice-Chamberlain, briogs in messages from high lati-
tudes. Does he, by way of introduction, glance at the Heptarchy,
trace the growth of Royalty, touch upon the interruption of the
Commonwealth, dilate upon the domestic felicity of the Georges,
summarise the principal events of the Victorian Era, and then
arrive at his speech ? He does not. He says, “ A Message from the
Queen,” walks up to the table, reads it, and then goes his way.
We want a little more of that kind of oratory in the House.
Business done.—Afternoon wasted.
Thursday Night.—At exactly seventeen minutes to eight The
O’Kelly exploded. Saw it coming for some time. Steam up within
ten minutes of Forster’s rising. At hrst seemed likely that Mr.
O’Brien, the latest messenger of peace from Ireland, would go off
first. Fortunately, had O’Donnell to look after him, who suc-
ceeded in keeping him moderately quiet.
“Never do anything violent,” Mr. O’Donnell whispered in ear of
neophyte. “Violence doesn’t do here. Always puts you at dis-
advantage. Be calm. Carefully select your words, and you will
prosper. But never throw your boot at the head of the Speaker, or
tear up the Bench to obtain an additional argument wherewith to
convince a Minister.”
This counsel prevailed with O’Brien, still young to the place.
But the O’Kelly too old a steam-engine to be cooled down by jets of
that sort.
“When the O’Kelly begins to simmer, be sure he’ll bust,”
Joseph Gillis said, in that sententious way recently adopted ; and
“ bust ” he did, throwing off his balance for a moment, Forster, who
had been sitting on safety-valve.
“ Dear me! ” said Sir Charles Forster, when the fragments of
The O’Kelly were picked up, and carried out in two baskets.
“ Place begins to have quite a home-feeling. Been sitting here a
week now, and this is the first Irish Member expelled.”
Forster walked home to late dinner in highest spirits.
‘‘ My dear Toby,” he said, stretching his mighty limbs, and putting
his coat on upside down for a few minutes to refresh himself.
(Wouldn’t have noticed the change, only saw him do it.) “ This is
the best night I have had since I made statement in the House on
resignation, and gave my old colleagues a dig here and there. I
have suffered a good deal from Parnell and his friends. Have sat
night after night, and been pelted with mud and stones by them.
Had to bear it patiently, and you know 1 did. But I don’t forget,
and to-night rather think I paid off old scores. Am a man of peace,
as befits my Quaker parentage. But I own I like a fight, especially
when 1 choose my time, get a man in a corner, and can pound him
at leisure.”
Business done.—Mr. Parnell indicted.
Saturday.—Parnell came up to time to-night, and the great
wrestling-match over. Betting up to last moment fifty to one on
the heavy weight. Seemed to have everything in his favour, espe-
cially facts. But light weight made up in skill for what he elsewhere
“ Time! ”
lacked. Instead of getting out of Forster’s way, ran straight at
him, gripped him tightly, and if one had not been so heavy and
other so light, might have thrown him. House amazed. In sooth,
regarded as play, very pretty. But only play.
Business done.—Mr. Gorst’s Amendment rejeeted by 250 votes
against 176.
Old Man had ruffled his hair, mangled his shirt collar, pulled his
scarf awry, rubbed his hat on the wrong side of the nap, and thus
arrayed (“like Jeremiah in a dull moment,” as Sir Charles Dilke
said), announced that he’d made up his mind not to vote against Bill
at this stage. Sepulchral tones, mournful inflection, woebegone
countenance. Then, holding the ruffled hat well out so that it might
have due effect, he solemnly strode forth shaking off dust of House
from his feet. A sight to make angels weep; but ribald House only
laughed.
Business done.—Rambled round Address.
Tuesday Night. — Still thinking of forming a Fifth Party.
Engaged in studying the Fourth.
“ Always attend to details,” as Napoleon the First said, when
crossing the Alps. “ Trifles are the seed of great accomplishments.”
Fancy there must be something in the oratorical attitude of the
Fourth Party that has led to their success. _ Each has distinct way
of standing whilst addressing the House. Sir Henry Wo lee, with
Toby on Guard.
arms akimbo, legs slightly astride, chest expanded, and a pleasant
smile lurking about his massive countenance, stands well out in
view of the House. If he simply stood there and said nothing, the
speech would be eloquent. “ Here I am, a buttress of Church and
State, the censor of diplomatic .jobs, a guardian of British Honour,
custodian of the Mediterranean from Gibraltar to Alexandria.”
Randolph makes all his points with his left toe. If the Speaker
were to rule it out of order that Members addressing the House
should stand on their right leg, with the left heel downwards,
and the tip of shoe pointing to the ceiling, Randolph would be
dumb. Wish we’d thought of that when Rules of Procedure going
through. Fancy could have worked in an Amendment by large
majority.
This pedal movement more remarkable, since Mr. Gorst, watchful
of his great leader, frequently imitates it, in variation of an earlier
manner of balancing his body from foot to foot, as if the iron floor of
the House were uncomfortably hot. Mr. Balfour bends his tall
figure over the House as if he loved it, certain that all would he well
if it would yield to his guidance and throw out Mr. Gladstone.
Shall get my party together, and drill them in these various
attitudes.
To-night, full opportunity of studying the Lord Chancellor Gorst,
who moves Amendment on Address, and trots out old stories about
Kilmainham. Rapturous cheering from Mr. Warton, Mr. Aider-
man Fowler, and Lord Randolph, himself, who has lent his seat to
the Lord Chancellor, and hands him up his extracts.
“A six-and-eightpenny sort of young man, Gorst,” said Har-
court. “ A great light lost to Police-Court practice. Would have
shone in dark recesses of County Courts, or even made a name on
the blazing roll of Quarter-Sessions fame. A little acid for the
House of Commons.”
But then Mr. Gorst had just referred to the Home Secretary as
“ incompetent.”
Business done.—Strolling through Address.
Wednesday Night.—Yery dull afternoon in House of Commons.
Forster coyly hanging back, waiting for Parnell. Parnell
waiting for Forster. Meantime, hours must be occupied, and
various speeches delivered.
At eight o’clock Liberal Party adjourned to Devonshire Club.
Elected Mr. Caine Speaker. Yery interesting proceedings. Mr. S.
Smith took the oath and his seat for Liverpool, and subsequently
made short speech. Speech of evening, Lord Richard Grosvenor’s.
Summed up whole duty of Liberal Member under three heads
(1) Always vote with the Government; (2) Always dine in the House
of Commons ; (3) Never speak unless you are intimately acquainted
with the subject. This last might well be emblazoned over Speaker’s
chair. Would do more to shorten Parliamentary proceedings than
any other form of cloture.
Wonderful dormant talent for oratory among the Whips! Sir
William Dyke now becoming one of chief orators on Front Bench.
Lord Richard never speaks in the House, but evidently not because
he can’t. Lord Kensington a model speaker. Occasionally, in
capacity of Arice-Chamberlain, briogs in messages from high lati-
tudes. Does he, by way of introduction, glance at the Heptarchy,
trace the growth of Royalty, touch upon the interruption of the
Commonwealth, dilate upon the domestic felicity of the Georges,
summarise the principal events of the Victorian Era, and then
arrive at his speech ? He does not. He says, “ A Message from the
Queen,” walks up to the table, reads it, and then goes his way.
We want a little more of that kind of oratory in the House.
Business done.—Afternoon wasted.
Thursday Night.—At exactly seventeen minutes to eight The
O’Kelly exploded. Saw it coming for some time. Steam up within
ten minutes of Forster’s rising. At hrst seemed likely that Mr.
O’Brien, the latest messenger of peace from Ireland, would go off
first. Fortunately, had O’Donnell to look after him, who suc-
ceeded in keeping him moderately quiet.
“Never do anything violent,” Mr. O’Donnell whispered in ear of
neophyte. “Violence doesn’t do here. Always puts you at dis-
advantage. Be calm. Carefully select your words, and you will
prosper. But never throw your boot at the head of the Speaker, or
tear up the Bench to obtain an additional argument wherewith to
convince a Minister.”
This counsel prevailed with O’Brien, still young to the place.
But the O’Kelly too old a steam-engine to be cooled down by jets of
that sort.
“When the O’Kelly begins to simmer, be sure he’ll bust,”
Joseph Gillis said, in that sententious way recently adopted ; and
“ bust ” he did, throwing off his balance for a moment, Forster, who
had been sitting on safety-valve.
“ Dear me! ” said Sir Charles Forster, when the fragments of
The O’Kelly were picked up, and carried out in two baskets.
“ Place begins to have quite a home-feeling. Been sitting here a
week now, and this is the first Irish Member expelled.”
Forster walked home to late dinner in highest spirits.
‘‘ My dear Toby,” he said, stretching his mighty limbs, and putting
his coat on upside down for a few minutes to refresh himself.
(Wouldn’t have noticed the change, only saw him do it.) “ This is
the best night I have had since I made statement in the House on
resignation, and gave my old colleagues a dig here and there. I
have suffered a good deal from Parnell and his friends. Have sat
night after night, and been pelted with mud and stones by them.
Had to bear it patiently, and you know 1 did. But I don’t forget,
and to-night rather think I paid off old scores. Am a man of peace,
as befits my Quaker parentage. But I own I like a fight, especially
when 1 choose my time, get a man in a corner, and can pound him
at leisure.”
Business done.—Mr. Parnell indicted.
Saturday.—Parnell came up to time to-night, and the great
wrestling-match over. Betting up to last moment fifty to one on
the heavy weight. Seemed to have everything in his favour, espe-
cially facts. But light weight made up in skill for what he elsewhere
“ Time! ”
lacked. Instead of getting out of Forster’s way, ran straight at
him, gripped him tightly, and if one had not been so heavy and
other so light, might have thrown him. House amazed. In sooth,
regarded as play, very pretty. But only play.
Business done.—Mr. Gorst’s Amendment rejeeted by 250 votes
against 176.