DOI Heft:
March 24, 1883
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17754#0144
Maech 24, 1883.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
137
Hooray for Romance, Poetry, and a Reality of a hundred pounds
profit per night! We ’ll go in for Romance on these terms. Mr. Bar-
rett, in the First Act, as the drunken man, is excellent. Mr. George
Barrett is inimitable as the doddering old Butler, Jaikes, and the
audience heartily recognise the fact that there isn’t a better villain
in all London than Mr. Willard, whose performance of the Spider
The Silver King, the Princess’s, and the Hundred Knights,
is admirable. By the way, wasn’t it in Jonathan Bradford that the
intending murderer finds himself in the same room with the corpse
of the man whom he came to kill,—the same idea having occurred
to some one else previously and been acted upon ?
We are curious to see how Mr. Rose has managed to dramatise
Mr. Austey’s eccentric story, Vice Versa. If everybody feels the
same curiosity on the subject as we do, the Gaiety Theatre, on the
occasion of Mr. W. H. Griffith's matinee, when Vice Versa is to
be played, will be pretty closely packed. We don’t see how it can
be done, because, when one person has to become another person
while that other person takes the other person’s place, and yet is
still before you unchanged, the situation is apt to become a little
mixed. We hope to be present at the successful solution of the
problem.
“THE SILVER THAMES.”
Our Own Commissioner was seized with so severe a bilious attack
immediately after the conclusion of Mr. Bosher’s evidence, (reported
in our number dated February 10), that he was unable to continue
his duties until last week. He then resumed his arduous labours.
WITNESS No. III.—TOM TUG.
Our Own Commissioner. Well, Mr. Tug, what do you know
about the state of the River f
T. T. Why, that it’s something so disgusting as nobody would
believe as hadn’t seen it and smelt it.
Our Own C. Indeed! That’s rather strong language, Mr. Tug.
T. T. Well, Sir, I can hardly expect you to believe me when I says
that even us Watermen can hardly stand it. But, if you’ve any
doubt about it, I ’ll willingly row you about for an hour or two just
in the worst parts, and then you’ll be able to judge for yourself,-
Our Own C. (hurriedly). No, thank you. Now I understand that
you are employed in some way by the Corporation in their patriotic
inquiry. What have you to do ?
T. T. Well, you see, Sir, the Corporation—bless their liberal
souls!—wanted to find out how far the sewage that the Board
of Works pours into the river at Crossness and Barking, flowed up
the river with the tide. So they had a lot of floats made, that was
put into the river where the sewage was pumped into it, and it was
my duty to be ready in my boat, and row quietly along by the side
of one of the floats just to see how far the tide would carry it.
Our Own C. Not a very laborious duty, Mr. Tug.
T. T. No, Sir, not particular so ; but sometimes it did get that
monotonous that I would willingly have exchanged for an hour or
two’s hard speU agin a flood tide.
Our Own C. I can easily believe that, especially in clear water.
And what was the result of your interesting experiments ?
T. T. Why, that on many and many a time the floats went up to
Chelsea, and, on one occasion, with a good swinging tide, one of them
went up as high as Chiswick.
Our Own C. Up to Chiswick! You really astonish me. But
what does that prove ?
T. T. Why, that all the mess that is so carefully taken down to
Crossness and poured into the river, and thought to be got rid of, is
all brought back again, and carried backwards and forwards with
the tide, till it makes our noble river like a great cesspool.
_ Our Own C. I hope the Corporation pay you handsomely for your
disagreeable work ?
T. T. Why, yes, Sir; I ain’t got no cause to complain. But if
your Honour would just stand a-
Our Own C. (with dignity). You may retire. [ Exit Tom Tug.
No. IV.-CAPTAIN M'STINGER.
Our Own Commissioner. Well, Captain, what evidence can you
give me ?
Captain M'Stinger. Rather startling, Sir, I think. You’d
scarcely believe it possible, but it’s a weel established fact that the
filthy sewage is gradually silting up the river.
Our Own C. Surely, Captain, you can’t be serious ?
Capt. M. Serious! _ [Annoyed.) Look here, I can’t bring up
my .splendid steamer with safety, except upon the varra top of the
tide ; if you will give me the pleasure of your company to-morrow,
I will take you to places on the banks of the river where you can
stand in nearly four feet of pure sewage-mud. [Steam up, and exit.
No. V—MR. ROBERT.
Our Own Commissioner. Well, Mr. Robert, and what have you
to tell me on this sad subject F
Robert. Well, Sir, I thinks as mine is the most seriousest ewidence
of all as you ’ve heard.
Our Own C. If so, it must be serious indeed.
R. I leaves you to judge for yerself, Sir, when I tells you that
the river is that bad that we can’t get no Wite Bait nearer than
Gravesend, and preshus little even there !
Our Own C. Hear me, that is something terrible indeed !
R. Yes; and even there they’re gitting scar cerer and scarcerer.
Our Own C. Indeed ! Then how do you manage ?
R. We does as the Millishyer used to do. We has to find a sub-
stitoot.
Our Own C. And what is that, pray ?
R. (struggling with his feelings). Sp-sp-sprats ! !
[Faints, and is carried out to the nearest Refreshment-Bar.
Commission closed pro tern.
“ Richardson’s ” Revived—not the famous Show, but quite autre
chose, the Works of Richardson the Novelist, which are now being
re-published by Messrs. Sotheran & Co. in a most readable form.
Our Novel Reader had often heard of Ramela, but never dared to
attempt reading it until he came across the new Edition with Mr.
Leslie Stephens’s interesting Preface, and then—he couldn’t put
the book down, but went bang through it, as if it had been so many
paper-hoops and he a bare-backed-steed rider, at a single sitting,
from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., the only variation in the exercise being skip-
ping the last half of the Second Volume, which, as the story really
ends with Pamela's marriage, might have been altogether omitted,
since the reader would have been perfectly satisfied with the Author’s
assurance that his hero (such a hero!!) and heroine (also, what a
heroine !!) lived happy ever afterwards. Clarissa Harlowe has now
appeared, and our Novel Reader is in training for the task.
PROSPECTS OF THE BRIGHTON REVIEW.
(By Dumb-Cramdo Junior.)
The Troops are allowed to use Barns A W ater-cart will accompany
and Lofts for Sleep. each Column.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
137
Hooray for Romance, Poetry, and a Reality of a hundred pounds
profit per night! We ’ll go in for Romance on these terms. Mr. Bar-
rett, in the First Act, as the drunken man, is excellent. Mr. George
Barrett is inimitable as the doddering old Butler, Jaikes, and the
audience heartily recognise the fact that there isn’t a better villain
in all London than Mr. Willard, whose performance of the Spider
The Silver King, the Princess’s, and the Hundred Knights,
is admirable. By the way, wasn’t it in Jonathan Bradford that the
intending murderer finds himself in the same room with the corpse
of the man whom he came to kill,—the same idea having occurred
to some one else previously and been acted upon ?
We are curious to see how Mr. Rose has managed to dramatise
Mr. Austey’s eccentric story, Vice Versa. If everybody feels the
same curiosity on the subject as we do, the Gaiety Theatre, on the
occasion of Mr. W. H. Griffith's matinee, when Vice Versa is to
be played, will be pretty closely packed. We don’t see how it can
be done, because, when one person has to become another person
while that other person takes the other person’s place, and yet is
still before you unchanged, the situation is apt to become a little
mixed. We hope to be present at the successful solution of the
problem.
“THE SILVER THAMES.”
Our Own Commissioner was seized with so severe a bilious attack
immediately after the conclusion of Mr. Bosher’s evidence, (reported
in our number dated February 10), that he was unable to continue
his duties until last week. He then resumed his arduous labours.
WITNESS No. III.—TOM TUG.
Our Own Commissioner. Well, Mr. Tug, what do you know
about the state of the River f
T. T. Why, that it’s something so disgusting as nobody would
believe as hadn’t seen it and smelt it.
Our Own C. Indeed! That’s rather strong language, Mr. Tug.
T. T. Well, Sir, I can hardly expect you to believe me when I says
that even us Watermen can hardly stand it. But, if you’ve any
doubt about it, I ’ll willingly row you about for an hour or two just
in the worst parts, and then you’ll be able to judge for yourself,-
Our Own C. (hurriedly). No, thank you. Now I understand that
you are employed in some way by the Corporation in their patriotic
inquiry. What have you to do ?
T. T. Well, you see, Sir, the Corporation—bless their liberal
souls!—wanted to find out how far the sewage that the Board
of Works pours into the river at Crossness and Barking, flowed up
the river with the tide. So they had a lot of floats made, that was
put into the river where the sewage was pumped into it, and it was
my duty to be ready in my boat, and row quietly along by the side
of one of the floats just to see how far the tide would carry it.
Our Own C. Not a very laborious duty, Mr. Tug.
T. T. No, Sir, not particular so ; but sometimes it did get that
monotonous that I would willingly have exchanged for an hour or
two’s hard speU agin a flood tide.
Our Own C. I can easily believe that, especially in clear water.
And what was the result of your interesting experiments ?
T. T. Why, that on many and many a time the floats went up to
Chelsea, and, on one occasion, with a good swinging tide, one of them
went up as high as Chiswick.
Our Own C. Up to Chiswick! You really astonish me. But
what does that prove ?
T. T. Why, that all the mess that is so carefully taken down to
Crossness and poured into the river, and thought to be got rid of, is
all brought back again, and carried backwards and forwards with
the tide, till it makes our noble river like a great cesspool.
_ Our Own C. I hope the Corporation pay you handsomely for your
disagreeable work ?
T. T. Why, yes, Sir; I ain’t got no cause to complain. But if
your Honour would just stand a-
Our Own C. (with dignity). You may retire. [ Exit Tom Tug.
No. IV.-CAPTAIN M'STINGER.
Our Own Commissioner. Well, Captain, what evidence can you
give me ?
Captain M'Stinger. Rather startling, Sir, I think. You’d
scarcely believe it possible, but it’s a weel established fact that the
filthy sewage is gradually silting up the river.
Our Own C. Surely, Captain, you can’t be serious ?
Capt. M. Serious! _ [Annoyed.) Look here, I can’t bring up
my .splendid steamer with safety, except upon the varra top of the
tide ; if you will give me the pleasure of your company to-morrow,
I will take you to places on the banks of the river where you can
stand in nearly four feet of pure sewage-mud. [Steam up, and exit.
No. V—MR. ROBERT.
Our Own Commissioner. Well, Mr. Robert, and what have you
to tell me on this sad subject F
Robert. Well, Sir, I thinks as mine is the most seriousest ewidence
of all as you ’ve heard.
Our Own C. If so, it must be serious indeed.
R. I leaves you to judge for yerself, Sir, when I tells you that
the river is that bad that we can’t get no Wite Bait nearer than
Gravesend, and preshus little even there !
Our Own C. Hear me, that is something terrible indeed !
R. Yes; and even there they’re gitting scar cerer and scarcerer.
Our Own C. Indeed ! Then how do you manage ?
R. We does as the Millishyer used to do. We has to find a sub-
stitoot.
Our Own C. And what is that, pray ?
R. (struggling with his feelings). Sp-sp-sprats ! !
[Faints, and is carried out to the nearest Refreshment-Bar.
Commission closed pro tern.
“ Richardson’s ” Revived—not the famous Show, but quite autre
chose, the Works of Richardson the Novelist, which are now being
re-published by Messrs. Sotheran & Co. in a most readable form.
Our Novel Reader had often heard of Ramela, but never dared to
attempt reading it until he came across the new Edition with Mr.
Leslie Stephens’s interesting Preface, and then—he couldn’t put
the book down, but went bang through it, as if it had been so many
paper-hoops and he a bare-backed-steed rider, at a single sitting,
from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., the only variation in the exercise being skip-
ping the last half of the Second Volume, which, as the story really
ends with Pamela's marriage, might have been altogether omitted,
since the reader would have been perfectly satisfied with the Author’s
assurance that his hero (such a hero!!) and heroine (also, what a
heroine !!) lived happy ever afterwards. Clarissa Harlowe has now
appeared, and our Novel Reader is in training for the task.
PROSPECTS OF THE BRIGHTON REVIEW.
(By Dumb-Cramdo Junior.)
The Troops are allowed to use Barns A W ater-cart will accompany
and Lofts for Sleep. each Column.