Punch: Punch (84.1883)

mat 5, 1883.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A VERY PRIVATE VIEW OF THE GROSVENOR.

(.By Ollendorff Junior.)

Have you. seen the Pictures ? I have not seen the Pictures. I
have not seen the Pictures, but I have seen the People. I shall
lunch. Shall you lunch ? I will lunch with you (at your expense).
Thank you! (merci !) Has the iEsthete cut his hair ? The Hair-
dresser has cut the ^Esthete’s hair (i. e., the hair of the iEsthete).
I like (j'aime) the Picture by [par] Keeley Halswelle, but I will not
purchase (acheter) the Nocturne by Whistler (siffleur). Whistler be
blowed! (siffle). Keelev Halswelle’s Picture is called (s'appelle)
“Royal Windsor.” Is it true (est-ce vrai que) the Soap-man(I’homme
aux savons), Pears, has purchased “ Royal Windsor ” for an adver-
tisement (affiche) ? Val Prinsep has painted something like an Artist,
but (mais) Mr. Holl has painted somebody who is something like an
Artist. What is his name ? His name is (il s'appelle) John Tenniel.
It is very hot. It is crowded. When it is crowded it is hot. How many
people are there here ? I do not know: I will count them. I should
like some lunch. You can lunch at the Restaurant below. Will
ou lunch there also (aussi) ? With pleasure, if you will pay for
oth of us (toils les deux). I have a hat, a stick, an umbrella, a
catalogue, a ticket of admission, and an appetite, but I have no
money. I am afraid (je crains) that no one will give me luncheon.
I will (je vais) go down (descendre) into the Restaurant.

Waiter ! (garqon) have you some bread, some cutlets, some beef,
some preserved strawberry jam-tart (confiture aux fraises), and some
good wine (du bon vin) F Yes, Sir ; here they are (voila). Ah! my
dear friend (mon cher ami), sit opposite {vis-a-vis) me. Call the
Waiter, and tell him we lunch together {ensemble).

The wine is good, the bread is excellent, the beef is Appetising.

Excuse me one moment {un moment) I see Madame X-going up

(monter) to the Gallery. I must (il faut) speak to her. She has
asked me to show (indiquer) her Mrs. Jopling’s pictures and Miss
Montalba’s (ceux de Mile. Montalba). You are coming back (de
retour), are you not (n'est-ce pas) ? Yes ; I shall come back.

Waiter ! the Gentleman who was with me will come back and pay
for his own share. No, Sir (Non, Monsieur), you must pay for
the two. It is too bad; I will speak to (ni1 addresser) Mr. Comyns
Carr, or to Sir Coutts. All that is nothing to me (tout ca ne me
regarde pas) ; you have (il faut absolument) to pay for two soups, two
fish, two beefs, two vegetables (legumes), one bottle of the best (le
meilleur) wine, two breads, two butters.

There is the money. I am angry. I will not give anything (ne-rien)
to the waiter. The pictures are in the Gallery above, but his friend
is no longer to he seen (visible). Where is that gentleman (ce mon-
sieur) ? He is gone (il est parti). Hid he say when he would return ?
No ; he did not say when he would return. He has taken my over-
coat (par-dessus), my catalogue, and my new umbrella (parapluie).
I will hasten (me presser) to seek (chercher) him. Another day I will
look at the pictures.

LAW versus HONEY.

Row to make Things pleasant to the Defendant.

Place—The High Court of Justice. Time—The Present Day.

The Lord Chief Justice, after an exhaustive history of carica-
ture in all its branches, from the time of the Flood up to the Nine-
teenth Century, then addressed himself to the subject-matter of the
case. He said—Mr. Legg I am sure will forgive me if I misrepre-
sent him, but I certainly understood him to observe, “ Some of my
work is admirably artistic, but the remainder is certainly crude, not
to say coarse.” This he has put forth in an extremely able manner,
and what he says is well worthy of your attention. He adds, with
much cleverness, that some of the caricaturists of the past century
were equally severe and coarse. Now, I am sure he will forgive me
if I say that I should not have made any difference between these
caricaturists of the past century and himself. Had those carica-
turists been brought before me (as I am heartily glad they were not)
I should have sentenced them (I ask Mr. Legg’s pardon) as I may
have to sentence him. Mr. Legg says that many people pay a very
large price for caricatures. I do not doubt it, and I cannot suffi-
ciently compliment Mr. Legg upon the great research he has shown
in collecting the facts he has so exhaustively and clearly set before
you. But i can only say that the Artists of these works will find
that I will punish them, although the first to admit their talent and
wit. Mr. Legg must forgive me if I say that in the event of a
verdict being found against him, he will find me the reverse of
lenient. It will pain me excessively to have to cause inconvenience
to Mr. Legg, who is an admirable scholar and a most accomplished
linguist, but business is business, and a misdemeanor (Mr. Legg
will pardon me) can only be atoned for by fine and imprisonment.
Still, Mr. Legg’s arguments are deserving of every consideration,

and. I assure him that should he, unfortunately, be compelled to
retire for awhile into seclusion, that he should be able to add to their
force by mature and astute and uninterrupted reconsideration. But
Mr. Legg must forgive me for saying that it is not an argument in
his favour to urge that other caricaturists have escaped punishment.
Supposing that a Duke were to steal a mantelpiece (Mr. Legg will
excuse the analogy), it will be no argument in the burglarious Duke s
favour to declare that other Peers of equal rank have escaped dis-
covery, and consequent punishment. In conclusion, the matter must
be left to the Jury. They would decide wisely. The issue was a
simple one. Mr. Legg. would either be permitted to continue his
truly admirable work in peace and comfort, or he would be forced
(Mr. Legg would forgive him the suggestion) to spend all his leisure
for many weeks in the cell of a prison.

The Lord Chief Justice, after bowing for several minutes to the
Prisoner in the most courteous and respectful manner, then dis-
missed the Jury to consider their verdict.

THE ROYAL SOCIETY OF PAINTERS IN WATER-
COLOURS.

The Water-cure in Pall-Mall seems to be as popular and successful
as heretofore. The bright, vigorous, healthy character of the pro-
ductions of the inmates of this establishment is steadfastly main-
tained. Sir Wilfrid Lawson should certainly be elected an honorary
Member, seeing the brilliant and extraordinary effects that water
seems to be capable of producing. Sir John Gilbert is as versatile
and Rubenesque as ever, Mr. T. J. Watson has some truthful
landscapes, Mr. H. M. Marshall some wonderful transcripts of life
in our London streets, “ Our ” Mr. Du Maurier a piquante picture
of Society, and Mr. Birkett Foster some pleasant country scenes.
There is a charming drawing by Mr. John Ruskin, truthful studies
by Mr. G. P. Boyce, and delicately rendered figure-subjects by Mr.
E IL Johnson. There are also contributions by Mrs. Allingham
and Mr. Holman Hunt, with drawings by Messrs. S. P. Jackson,
E. Buchanan. A. P. Newton, H. S. Marks, E. J. Potnter, A. W.
Hunt, Carl Haag, A. D. Fripp, and others which call for especial
attention. A capital collection in all of over three hundred pictures.
So successful is this hydropathic establishment, that its Members
might well sing an adaptation of an old Temperance Song, “ 0, water
for me! Bright water for me! Give oil to the tremulous debauchee! ’

Oh a Certain Debate.

Tornadoes of rancorous nothingness showered,

’Midst which a great name—ah ! irreverence—tosses !
Debate at St. Stephen’s seems hopelessly lowered

To a game of “ Noughts” and (Sir Richard) Crosses I

Sir John Bennett lost his watch last week. He says that in |
future, for the benefit of those who would “ take away the means by
which he lives,” he will keep a better watch over his pocket, and. a
worse one inside it.” *“ J. B. is sly, Sir, devilish sly ” but the prigs
got the better of him. Why, they 'll be taking the Clockmaker's
Hat next! _

“ Conversion of Weaves'.”—Mrs. Ramsbothah has seen this
heading every day for a fortnight past in all the papers. She wants
to know who “ Rentes” is, and to what, and from what, he is con-
verted ? Was the conversion effected by a Church Missionary
Society, or is it a Salvation Army affair ?

t’other and which.

Did “ Local Option ” find unfeigned voice,

’Twould prove another name for “ Hobson’s Choice.”

The Affirmation Principles—A Constable, ordered to search
the cellars of the Houses of Parliament for explosive material, on
being presented with a safety-lamp, refused to carry it, saying that
he had a conscientious objection to taking his Davy-or anybody
else’s. _

Mrs. Ramsbotham’s New Cookery Book is progressing.^ She says
the best French soup in ordinary use is ” a good brouillon.'

“ Rough ” Places.—Our Parks and pleasure-grounds—as at pre-
sent managed.