Punch (85.1883)

August 4, 1883.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

51

These throng the tottering tenement, these crowd
The rooms, the passages, the. doorless entry,

Eager for covert scant when winds are loud,

They’d crowd, they’d throng, though Death himself
stood sentry.

As well he may, invisible, for here

He finds lush harvest, the insatiate reaper !

Oh, for a whiff of clover, or the dear
Fresh smell of rain-wet furrows ! See a creeper
From the chill street, rag-vestured, famine-worn,

Draws near his—home ? Well, yes, some purse—
belonging

Perchance to Priest or Statesman—this forlorn
Starved waif hath plumped a little, sorely wronging
His stomach by that tribute to the god,

The great god Property, as careless wholly
Of poor mankind as any that did nod
Upon Olympian amaranth and moly.

This is his “ holding’’; tenant he, poor wretch
Of tenement that never knows “ improvement.”

Hither the Law its mandate doth not stretch,

Hither, by Civilisation’s mighty movement,

Driven, with myriads more, he hides and lurks,

A helpless “nuisance,” shunned by the Inspector,
Ignored by Bumbles and by Boards of Works,

By all forgotten—save the rent-collector
Of Carabas or Mawworm. Rosy-gilled
Bucolic grumbler about drains and leases!

Here leases were a joke, here drains are filled
In such fair sort as the death-rate increases.
Improvements here f Gio to ! Hot worth the while
Of Property, which battens like a vulture
On garbage-heaps. Compulsion ? Statesmen smile
How upon Trade, anon on Agriculture.

They ’ve loud and potent voices. But the mute
Furtive and impotent Slum-dwellers ’scape them.

Yet plans for men foul-herding like the brutes

Cool reason clamours for. The heads that shape them
Will earn their owners more enduring praise
Than faction’s brainless paeans loudly ehaunted ;

Ah ! when grim Pestilence stalks forth and slays
Its myriads, men will own in dread amaze
This House is haunted !

“ Le High Life.”-
Duke and Duchess
Richmond.

-Change of Name and Residence.—
of Tick to White Wash Lodge,

POPULAR FALLACIES.

THAT SMOKING IMPAIRS THE EYESIGHT.

But Master Godfrey, when he ’s enjoying a Mild Havanna, can see
Papa coming—oh, Miles off !

AIK AND PAINS;

OR, THE PENALTIES OE PROPRIETORSHIP.

It is satisfactory to know that the recent capital advertisement
j given, at the request of its enterprising Proprietor, by “ Monsieur le
Directeur du Times ” to the hotel which Princess Beatrice happens
| to have selected during her temporary residence at Aix-les-Bains,

! has been supplemented by the despatch of the following nice little
1 explanatory and private letter, direct from Printing House Square

Mon cher Monsieur le Proprietaire,

C’etait croyez-moi, avec le plus grand satisfaction que je me
I suis trouve dans une position de vous faire un bon tour, par l’insertion
! dans mon journal Le Times de votre tranche et tres spirituelle petite
lettre de 22 Juillet. . Sans doute, vous avez deja vu le numero; et si
! le prominence que j’ai donne a votre contribution vous a fait sauter
de joie, ne m’envoyez pas, je vous prie,.vos remerciments ; car je suis
j Sljr hue vous etes, pour le moment, plein d’un vif devouement, meme
d’un bienveillance presque irrepressible envers moi ?

Yous avez bien compris, n’est-ce pas, que si ce n’etait pas pour
T argent que nous recevons de temps a temps pour des petites services
de ce gens, ce serait impossible de conduire Le Times dans une
maniere respectable et digne de la haute voie occupe, comme nous
disons en Angleterre, par le “leading journal” ?

C’est bien connu que M. Gladstone me paye quelque chose con-
sMerable, a ce moment-ci, de n’etre pas abuse tous les jours, et que
MM. les “ Shipowners” pendant la seance recente sur le Canal de
Suez ont eu le tres bon sens de m’envoyer, avec empressement, un ‘ ‘ five-
pound note.” Mais une finesse honorable ne vous manque pas non
plus. _ Vous avez la bonte, en me priant toujours d’inserer votre
avertissement, de dire a la fin de votre charmante petite lettre, “ je
suis, du reste, pret a payer ce que cela coutera, si vous avez la bonte
de m envoyer la note.”

Cela est tres bon et tres polie, mais je vous prie de ne faire rien
^.u sort. Hon. Et je vous dirai pourquoi. Dans quelques semaines

ce qu’on appelle chez nous “ Le Dull Season ” sera arrive ; et, si vous
pouviez, mon cher Monsieur le Proprietaire, dans ces tristes jours-la
seulement envoyer moi encore des lettres, deux ou trois—naifs,
fraiches, admirablement comiques, et, tout a fait, en fin, hors de ligne,
comme celui-ci qui vous m’aviez fait l’honneur cte m’adresser
1’autre jour, croyez-moi je serai paye mille fois, car vous ferez, bien
sur, la fortune du Times.

En attendant, votre bienveillant reponse, j’ai l’honneur, mon cher
Monsieur le Proprietaire, d’etre, le votre tres sincerement,

Chinery, Redact'eur en Chef.

P.S.—Je ne crois pas qu’il y a des fautes de grammaire, ni de
1’orthographic dans ce lettre, mais si, par hazard, il y en a un ou
deux qui m’ont echappees, M. Bi.owitz, qui est toujours tres exacte,
sans doute, les corrigera en route.

Look at Home ! ”—The “ German Crown Prince and Princess ”
—(Five shillings the pair, the better half being worth nearly all the
money)—are going to stay at Horris Castle, the Duke of Bedford’s
beautiful place in the Isle of Wight, which his Grace has offered to
place at their disposal. The grounds of Horris Castle adjoin those of
Osborne. Oh, if his Grace would only put his Grace’s beautiful
Garden—Covent Garden, we mean—at our disposal for a while ! If
the Duke’s Covent Garden grounds adjoined those of Buckingham
Palace or Marlborough House, there would soon be a drastic
remedy for the present state of Mud-Salad Market and its environs.
Are the residents in the Market, in Henrietta Street, in Southampton
Street, Wellington Street, and the tributaries East and West all
asleep, or have they “learned to love it,” and become as helpless and
hopeless as Circe’s enchanted swine ?

Old Indians as a rule like sticking to a red-tape policy. Odd that
they should object to a little bit of Ripon. The Rajah Tulip Slang
says that “ Ilbert’s Bill” is not going along Rippingly.