Punch (85.1883)

August 18, 1883.]

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

81

A FAREWELL VERSE.

As it is possible that one particular dramatic star, now
about to set for a season beyond the Atlantic, will yet
have time to dazzle the provinces a little before his final
departure, and need perhaps an encore verse for the
famous Lyceum Ballad, the singing of which an enthu-
siastic contemporary insisted made fail’ women grow pale
and faint, and sent strong men streaming in tears into
the lobbies,—here is one for him:—

When other slips and other staRs
Their tales of frost shall tell,

And Shakspeare but the house appals,
Though it be papered well!

When Juliet is far too stout,

And Samlet’s eighty-three!—

Don’t ask me if I have a doubt
That you ’ll remember me !

To which may be added the following final verse,
that might be sung by the rest of the company during
the voyage in half a gale of wind

WThen Yankee talent fumes and frets,

And London yawns and stares
To find, instead of Henry’s “ sets,”

But fiats, with painted chairs!

When ’mid Atlantic’s “ Much Ado ”

We’re hopelessly at sea,—

And far too ill to think of you—

P’raps you ’ll remember we !

The Bake Teeth.—A truth announced in a somewhat
remarkable notification:—“ Nuda Veritas restores grey
hair to its original shade.” Does it. Nuda Veritas, as
to hair may be supposed to signify baldness. In order,
then, to be effectually applied as a restorative of grey
hair-, does it require the head to be shaved first F

INCORRIGIBLE l

Irish Attorney [to Ms Cleric, who has taken the Blue Riband, and lias been
'“celebrating the event”). “I’ll not stand it, Seek ! Win yer Plidges!
Instid o’ takin’ Plidges ye ’re always breakin,’ ye’d better make no
Promises at-all-at-all—and kape ’em ! !”

Dirge.

[By an un-pair ed 31.P.)

Is life indeed worth living ? Truly yes!

When tramping on the Twelfth the heather o’er ;
But August at St. Stephen’s will, I guess,

Make him a pessimist whose joy is less
As his desires are Moor !

acceps their generus inwitation to dinner, no sooner sets his two
estonished eyes on John Tenniel’s highly flattering Cartoon, than,
instead of jining aR the rest of the world in their harty laugh, as
every wise and senserble feller would, he sends off to the Mansion
House to say that he has just thort of a werry speshal engagement,
and can’t come ! And it is wispered as how he has foRard it up by
ordering no more Punches to be brort into his sollem manshun. Poor
Sir William ! He fust loses his temper, and then loses his dinner.

The Bankwet was upon the hole p’raps the most successfuRest as
was ever given in that nobel AR of HorspitaRty. I missed the long
row of Royal Attendants with their lovely gold buRyem epperlets,
as we has when we has lots of Princes, but even this was partly pur-
wided by the wonderful amount of what the French call “ cheek”’ of
his grace the Dook of Westminster. Wishing ewedently to give a
sort of sample of how he means to cum out wRen he is elected
Lord Mare of Hew London—long be the day !—he had acshally
asked for the loan of two of Her Majesty’s Ptoyal Footmen, and there
they was not only standing behind his cheer but acshally condy-
sending to wait upon him and his beautiful Dutchess ! However the
Lord Mare as usual was quite equal to the occasion, and hordered
up his Coachman and PostiRion to stand behind him, who, tho’ they
wasn’t of much use and got a good deal in everybody’s way, made a
werry respectful show for our stable old Institution.

Nearly all the Ministers of any importance was there. The lowly
minded Gent from Brummagem didn’t put in an appearance, being
probberbly engaged in toiling or spinning, or some such low ocyou-
payshun, but that didn’t seem to spile nobody’s appetite, and the
absense of the Senior Member for Chelsea, harcades hambone, as
Brown said, which I bleeves is sarcastic French for “ a nice pair ! ”
was endured without a murmer. It is said his Republican instinks
is shocked at the sight of so many Livery-men.

The Lord Mare of course made the speech of the evening. In fac
he didn’t leave much for the Magnificent Elderly Gentleman to say,
but nevertheless, he made a grand speech, and wound up with words
of hope for aR on us, as would have cut Sir William’s hard hart
to the werry core.

Next in importance to the speeches of the Lord Mare and of Mr.
Gladstone was the Speech of Lord Darby, tho’ it was about the
shortest, and why ? because he rewealed one of the profoundest and
importantest Cabinet secrets as ever was diwulged even after dinner.
In Wino Werytas, as Brown said, which means, I believe, that
“good wine needs no gooseberry-bush,” in witch 1 quite agrees.
Lord Darby acshally said that wen they are about to appoint a
Embassador, or Governor, or a Secretary of State, the first question
they asks is, not wot brains has he got, not what egsperience has he
got, not what noRedge of the world has he got, but, what sort of
Wife has Re got ?

Ah ! my Lord Darby, no wunder you ’re such a favrite with the
fair sects! A sweeter complement or more heRegantly put was
never paid ’em since our werry great granfather gammoned Eve.

I wunder what the Government will do for to shew their gratitood
to the Lord Mare. They can’t make him. a Knight as he. is one
every day, and they can’t very well make him a Barren-Knight as
he has got a werry numerus number of offsprings all ready, so p’raps
it will be a Wicount, like Lord Matchbox Sneerbooe, who was
present.

I’m amost afeard as he spoke out too strongly for his own interests,
both Brown and me we both thort so, and so did His Lordship’s
PostiRion. He’s a man of werry few words, of course, being a
PostiRion, but he thinks a lot, as he ’s plenty of time to do, and wot
he says he means, and what he did say was, “ I thinks as if his
Lordship had rid ’em a little more with the snaffle, and not quite
so much with the curb, they might have jogged on together pretty
cumferal for some time longer.” But when his public dooty stands
in one pair of scales and his privet interest in the other, I knows
from, a long egsperience which wiR have to go to the wall.

Robert.

Mrs. Ramsbotham considers a slice of a good Best faRure ham,
nicely broiled, and a dish of Matter-of-fact peas, one of the best
things you can have for luncheon at the present time.