DOI Heft:
December 29, 1883
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17755#0315
Deoembee 29, 1883.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 303
THE SECRET OF DEADMAN’S TERRACE.
{Our Sanitary Christmas Story—Concluded.)
Chapter III.
HE dinner was over now, and my five
Uncles were writhing; with great
difficulty towards their five respec-
tive rooms.
Yes,—there was no doubt of it,
the dinner had been a great success !
Had I deserved my good fortune ?
I think I had.
I had determined, as far as it were
possible with the means placed at my
disposal by the accommodating condition of the existing law, that my
little inaugural banquet should materially assist and supplement, by
a few swift and deadly strokes, the surer if slower work that was to
be accomplished when it was over by my reeking walls and defective
drainage. It -was a modest resolve, and I was not destined to be
disappointed.
I had arranged the menu with great care, and had selected my
provisions with considerable tact. The fish, a fine full-sized cod,
was one of the three hundred and
seventy-five that only a few minutes
after my purchase were seized by the
Authorities and ordered to be instantly
destroyed as a nuisance dangerous alike
to health and life in the
immediate vicinitv of the
consignment. With my
meat I was even more
happy ! Through the
spirit
and
energy
of my
butcher,
whose enterprise was great in supplying the neighbourhood with
prime but diseased joints that were quite unfit for human food, I
was enabled to
secure a portion of
a condemned car-
case well suited
to my simple pur-
pose. I was not
surprised, there-
fore, to notice that
my five Uncles all
became a little
silent and thought-
ful after the soup.
But the incident
merely encouraged
me. With a care-
less toss of the
head, I ordered
the waiter to open
the Champagne.
It was a fine dry brand, noted for its richness in sulphuric acid,
and for the large amount of metallic salts it held in suspension.
That it was an excellent wine at nineteen shillings a dozen, I knew ;
and had I required any further proof of its quality, it would have
been furnished by the three waiters wffio assisted on the occasion,
who, dividing a bottle and a half between them in the passage, were
all buried, with an open verdict, on the following Tuesday. But I
am digressing. Let me revert to the dinner.
Like a true artist, I had not relied solely either on my principal
dishes or even on my wine. I had contrived other and more dainty
coqueteries cle malaise to tempt my unsuspicious guests. The French
beans were bright with arsenic, and I helped them lavishly. The
custard pudding was made with milk direct from a farm noted for
its foot-and-mouth disease, and it went round twice. All this filled ,
THE SECRET OF DEADMAN’S TERRACE.
{Our Sanitary Christmas Story—Concluded.)
Chapter III.
HE dinner was over now, and my five
Uncles were writhing; with great
difficulty towards their five respec-
tive rooms.
Yes,—there was no doubt of it,
the dinner had been a great success !
Had I deserved my good fortune ?
I think I had.
I had determined, as far as it were
possible with the means placed at my
disposal by the accommodating condition of the existing law, that my
little inaugural banquet should materially assist and supplement, by
a few swift and deadly strokes, the surer if slower work that was to
be accomplished when it was over by my reeking walls and defective
drainage. It -was a modest resolve, and I was not destined to be
disappointed.
I had arranged the menu with great care, and had selected my
provisions with considerable tact. The fish, a fine full-sized cod,
was one of the three hundred and
seventy-five that only a few minutes
after my purchase were seized by the
Authorities and ordered to be instantly
destroyed as a nuisance dangerous alike
to health and life in the
immediate vicinitv of the
consignment. With my
meat I was even more
happy ! Through the
spirit
and
energy
of my
butcher,
whose enterprise was great in supplying the neighbourhood with
prime but diseased joints that were quite unfit for human food, I
was enabled to
secure a portion of
a condemned car-
case well suited
to my simple pur-
pose. I was not
surprised, there-
fore, to notice that
my five Uncles all
became a little
silent and thought-
ful after the soup.
But the incident
merely encouraged
me. With a care-
less toss of the
head, I ordered
the waiter to open
the Champagne.
It was a fine dry brand, noted for its richness in sulphuric acid,
and for the large amount of metallic salts it held in suspension.
That it was an excellent wine at nineteen shillings a dozen, I knew ;
and had I required any further proof of its quality, it would have
been furnished by the three waiters wffio assisted on the occasion,
who, dividing a bottle and a half between them in the passage, were
all buried, with an open verdict, on the following Tuesday. But I
am digressing. Let me revert to the dinner.
Like a true artist, I had not relied solely either on my principal
dishes or even on my wine. I had contrived other and more dainty
coqueteries cle malaise to tempt my unsuspicious guests. The French
beans were bright with arsenic, and I helped them lavishly. The
custard pudding was made with milk direct from a farm noted for
its foot-and-mouth disease, and it went round twice. All this filled ,