DOI issue:
July 13, 1889
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17688#0027
July 13, 1889.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
21
ROBERT AND THE SHAR.
Well, I spose as, sum of these days, peepel will begin for to know
the great himportance of the old Copperashun, and to wunder what
on airth the Gfuvernment and the Country wood do without ’em,
when they wants to make frends with a grand old Pottentate. Why
I scarce xpects for to he bleeved—xcept for the honnerabel caracter
I have sustaned for these 20 years past—wen I says that I has it
strait from one of the Royal Footmen, that wen our latest him-
portant Wisitor,_the Shar of Persher, was arranging with a sertain
Royal Welsh Prince, who shall be nameless, as to what entertain-
ments he was to he taken too, he acshally said, thro’ his hinterup-
terer,.“ Whatever helse you leaves hout, mind you don’t leave hout
the wisit to Gildhall, for I remembers well as they had the largest
lot of red-coated officers there, the perfekest tuttle an grin fat, and
the loveliest lot of bewtiful women, as ever I saw outside a Theater.”
And if that wasn’t a complement, I shood like for to kno what wood
he. So on Wensday he came.
By the by, I’m werry much greeved to hear as that sum few of our
unexpereenced extra Waiters got theirselves into great disgrace by
their unwaiter-like conduck. That they must have been horn fools
as well as mere Green Horns is proved by their showing their bad
conduck before sum of the most principleest Litery Men of the day!
Why, if they had behaved badly before a lot of Dooks and Wicounts
it woodn’t have been of half so much himportance, becoz they carn’t,
by harf-a-dozen words of complaint in their reports, like the others
can, get them dismissed from their nice cumferal places. The fact is,
that sum of us about spiles the public as regards Waiters. Of
course, when about a nundred Waiters is wanted for such a occashun
as this, it wood he all serene and cumferal if they eood get about sixty
Robeets and about forty Browns, but in course it cam’t be done,
for the best of all reasons, and then these unfortnit ewents happens,
and the angry Litery Gents of course abuses Waiters in general, as
is ony nateral, if not quite just.
One of the Royal Footmen, which he’s a bit of a wag, said as he
had bin told, as the Shar woodn’t take off his At, not ewen in the
presence of the bewtiful Princess of Wales, coz he had had his hair
cut jest afore he came, and the Pershan Barberosser, as they calls
’em, cut it too short, and it was the larst chance he ever had of
making that mistake, poor Feller!
The Shab didn’t keep us waiting, but was punktual, as all reel
gennilmen alters is. He lissened most respecful to the learned
Ricorder, and seemed quite to understand his dillicate illusion to
the Gold Carsket. But his speech in reply was suttenly the werry
shortest as ever I herd deliverd, and I was too fur off to hear a
single word of it. I was glad to ketch the i of my distinguished im-
ployer, Mr. Fundi, a sittin’ with Toby, M.P., and Mr. Chables
Windhm, of the Kriteerium Theayter, on a sidebord, as merry as cold
be. _ Suttenly they lookt as if they ’d got all the freedum of the City.
Didn’t the Shab look jest jolly prowd when he was allowed to
walk off with the hansum Lady Mabess. He ate a werry good
lunch, and didn’t arsk for no Shiraz wine as we xpected he wood,
tho of coarse it’s ony the Pershan name for Sherry, but was quite
content with the Halbion’s Shampane, which didn’t surprise me, as
I have known it of old, speshally the werry old Perryhay Jeway,
tho I’ve erd as Perinay Fiz was orderd for this okayshun. He
acshally stood up to return thanks for his elth! but then I sposes
as it tisn’t werry offen as he has to speak to a Lohd Maee. But
I trembel to think wot miter happn’d. While the Shab stood up he
changed his mind, and thort he’d sit down agen. He was about to
do so, and got arf way, honly to find as sum ignorrent offishul had
ackshually taken away his chare ! Plump (or thin) he ’d ’ave bin
down on the flor but for Mister Mobly, the Tost Master, or sum wun j
ellus, who shuvd up the chare just in time to ketch the Shab and
save the Purshun Rarpit and the Empier. And then the Scotch j
Pershun, Malkum Kan spoke for him, an’ acshally proposed, the
werry identickle tost as wos set down for H.R.H. the Prince of
Whales. But the tack of the Prince and Mare put all parties
konsernd at their hees, and so all went rite.
As for our own Lobd Mabe, it doesn’t seem to matter to him
weather it’s a King, or a Prince, or a Most Honnerable Markis, or
a real Shar, he’s ekally at home with all of ’em. Why, his speech
on proposing Lord Sorlsbebby’s health amost made him blush, tho
he is a Prime Minister, and what did Lord Sorlsbebry tell the
lissening World? Why, that when the Lord Mabe speaks, he not
only speaks for the City of London, the first City of the hole World, j
but for the hole Country.
I was a good deal estonished at the hutter hignorance of sum peeple !
as pretencls as they knos ewerythink about sillybrated peeple. ;
Peeple did say as the Shab wasn’t a good Sailer, but much they 1
knowed about it. Why, I had it on the werry hiest orthority, that
is, from one of the Terns Conservatifs who went down on Monday to j
Gravesend to fetch him, that they showed him the road all the ways !
up to Westminster Peer, and he wasn’t a bit sea sick not wunce.
Upon the hole I feels inclined to say, as Wensday’s recepshun of
the Shab, what with the large number of the Royaltys, and the
large number of what I shood think must be the hansumest troops in
the world, and the large number of the Corporation Leftenants, as
isn’t quite so hansum, but don’t cost quite so much, and the large
number of Royal Carridges and Royal Hosses, was about the most
splendidest thing of the kind as the grand old Copperashun has had
for many a long day. The only thing as I shood wentur, werry
umbly, to ask his Sharship, when next he cums—and cum I kno he
will—is, to change his Nashunal Air for sumthink quite diffrent.
We don’t want two, so we might lend him “Fool, Britannier!"
But really his present one is about the most uncumferallest as I
ewer heard, and. when played about ewery ten minutae for about
two ours, it becomes quite a cawtion.
His Royal Madjesty behaved werry kindly to me on parting. For,
not being able to see me for the werry great crowd as stood near his
carridge, he stood up in it for two or three minits and looked all
about him, till at last seeing what I supposes I may call my well-
known feetures, he raised his hand to his At, an says he, “Robert, |
I’m a-goin to dine all alone at Buknam Pallis, you kum an wate.” (
Which I did, an your artiss wos aloud to make a sketch, tho’ my
wife says it ain’t a bit like me—not arf flatterin enuf. But wot’s it
matter, as long as the Public favrably rekinizes Robert.
Old Saw beset eob the Tuef.—“ Pull Devil, pull Jockey ! ”
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
21
ROBERT AND THE SHAR.
Well, I spose as, sum of these days, peepel will begin for to know
the great himportance of the old Copperashun, and to wunder what
on airth the Gfuvernment and the Country wood do without ’em,
when they wants to make frends with a grand old Pottentate. Why
I scarce xpects for to he bleeved—xcept for the honnerabel caracter
I have sustaned for these 20 years past—wen I says that I has it
strait from one of the Royal Footmen, that wen our latest him-
portant Wisitor,_the Shar of Persher, was arranging with a sertain
Royal Welsh Prince, who shall be nameless, as to what entertain-
ments he was to he taken too, he acshally said, thro’ his hinterup-
terer,.“ Whatever helse you leaves hout, mind you don’t leave hout
the wisit to Gildhall, for I remembers well as they had the largest
lot of red-coated officers there, the perfekest tuttle an grin fat, and
the loveliest lot of bewtiful women, as ever I saw outside a Theater.”
And if that wasn’t a complement, I shood like for to kno what wood
he. So on Wensday he came.
By the by, I’m werry much greeved to hear as that sum few of our
unexpereenced extra Waiters got theirselves into great disgrace by
their unwaiter-like conduck. That they must have been horn fools
as well as mere Green Horns is proved by their showing their bad
conduck before sum of the most principleest Litery Men of the day!
Why, if they had behaved badly before a lot of Dooks and Wicounts
it woodn’t have been of half so much himportance, becoz they carn’t,
by harf-a-dozen words of complaint in their reports, like the others
can, get them dismissed from their nice cumferal places. The fact is,
that sum of us about spiles the public as regards Waiters. Of
course, when about a nundred Waiters is wanted for such a occashun
as this, it wood he all serene and cumferal if they eood get about sixty
Robeets and about forty Browns, but in course it cam’t be done,
for the best of all reasons, and then these unfortnit ewents happens,
and the angry Litery Gents of course abuses Waiters in general, as
is ony nateral, if not quite just.
One of the Royal Footmen, which he’s a bit of a wag, said as he
had bin told, as the Shar woodn’t take off his At, not ewen in the
presence of the bewtiful Princess of Wales, coz he had had his hair
cut jest afore he came, and the Pershan Barberosser, as they calls
’em, cut it too short, and it was the larst chance he ever had of
making that mistake, poor Feller!
The Shab didn’t keep us waiting, but was punktual, as all reel
gennilmen alters is. He lissened most respecful to the learned
Ricorder, and seemed quite to understand his dillicate illusion to
the Gold Carsket. But his speech in reply was suttenly the werry
shortest as ever I herd deliverd, and I was too fur off to hear a
single word of it. I was glad to ketch the i of my distinguished im-
ployer, Mr. Fundi, a sittin’ with Toby, M.P., and Mr. Chables
Windhm, of the Kriteerium Theayter, on a sidebord, as merry as cold
be. _ Suttenly they lookt as if they ’d got all the freedum of the City.
Didn’t the Shab look jest jolly prowd when he was allowed to
walk off with the hansum Lady Mabess. He ate a werry good
lunch, and didn’t arsk for no Shiraz wine as we xpected he wood,
tho of coarse it’s ony the Pershan name for Sherry, but was quite
content with the Halbion’s Shampane, which didn’t surprise me, as
I have known it of old, speshally the werry old Perryhay Jeway,
tho I’ve erd as Perinay Fiz was orderd for this okayshun. He
acshally stood up to return thanks for his elth! but then I sposes
as it tisn’t werry offen as he has to speak to a Lohd Maee. But
I trembel to think wot miter happn’d. While the Shab stood up he
changed his mind, and thort he’d sit down agen. He was about to
do so, and got arf way, honly to find as sum ignorrent offishul had
ackshually taken away his chare ! Plump (or thin) he ’d ’ave bin
down on the flor but for Mister Mobly, the Tost Master, or sum wun j
ellus, who shuvd up the chare just in time to ketch the Shab and
save the Purshun Rarpit and the Empier. And then the Scotch j
Pershun, Malkum Kan spoke for him, an’ acshally proposed, the
werry identickle tost as wos set down for H.R.H. the Prince of
Whales. But the tack of the Prince and Mare put all parties
konsernd at their hees, and so all went rite.
As for our own Lobd Mabe, it doesn’t seem to matter to him
weather it’s a King, or a Prince, or a Most Honnerable Markis, or
a real Shar, he’s ekally at home with all of ’em. Why, his speech
on proposing Lord Sorlsbebby’s health amost made him blush, tho
he is a Prime Minister, and what did Lord Sorlsbebry tell the
lissening World? Why, that when the Lord Mabe speaks, he not
only speaks for the City of London, the first City of the hole World, j
but for the hole Country.
I was a good deal estonished at the hutter hignorance of sum peeple !
as pretencls as they knos ewerythink about sillybrated peeple. ;
Peeple did say as the Shab wasn’t a good Sailer, but much they 1
knowed about it. Why, I had it on the werry hiest orthority, that
is, from one of the Terns Conservatifs who went down on Monday to j
Gravesend to fetch him, that they showed him the road all the ways !
up to Westminster Peer, and he wasn’t a bit sea sick not wunce.
Upon the hole I feels inclined to say, as Wensday’s recepshun of
the Shab, what with the large number of the Royaltys, and the
large number of what I shood think must be the hansumest troops in
the world, and the large number of the Corporation Leftenants, as
isn’t quite so hansum, but don’t cost quite so much, and the large
number of Royal Carridges and Royal Hosses, was about the most
splendidest thing of the kind as the grand old Copperashun has had
for many a long day. The only thing as I shood wentur, werry
umbly, to ask his Sharship, when next he cums—and cum I kno he
will—is, to change his Nashunal Air for sumthink quite diffrent.
We don’t want two, so we might lend him “Fool, Britannier!"
But really his present one is about the most uncumferallest as I
ewer heard, and. when played about ewery ten minutae for about
two ours, it becomes quite a cawtion.
His Royal Madjesty behaved werry kindly to me on parting. For,
not being able to see me for the werry great crowd as stood near his
carridge, he stood up in it for two or three minits and looked all
about him, till at last seeing what I supposes I may call my well-
known feetures, he raised his hand to his At, an says he, “Robert, |
I’m a-goin to dine all alone at Buknam Pallis, you kum an wate.” (
Which I did, an your artiss wos aloud to make a sketch, tho’ my
wife says it ain’t a bit like me—not arf flatterin enuf. But wot’s it
matter, as long as the Public favrably rekinizes Robert.
Old Saw beset eob the Tuef.—“ Pull Devil, pull Jockey ! ”