Punch (53.1867)

168

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 26, 1867.

IMITATION THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

“THE DI VERNON CANOE, IN OPPOSITION TO “THE ROB ROY.”

THE SPECULATOR ON THE SEASONS.

AMERICAN BEGGARDOM.

I love the Spring! It brings to mind
Those young souls, green and fair,

In which whate’er we plant, we find
Takes root, and fruit doth bear.

When loosed from Winter’s checks and chills,
The small birds strain their throats ;

Square their accounts with mutual bills,

And fling about their notes.

I love the Summer, when the Earth,

Like a prospectus glows,

With flowery hues, defying dearth,

And scent per scent bestows :

I love the Summer, with its sun,

That warns us to make hay ;

Banks, upon which ’tis safe to run,

Fields, dividends that pay.

I love not Autumn, when the trees
Resume cash-payments all,

Their golden treasures, on the breeze,

In Earth’s lap letting fall.

Till gold, a drug, in discontent,

Heaped in bank-cellars lies,

And discount’s down at two per cent..

And don’t seem like to rise !

I love not Winter, when both skin
And speculation’s cold ;

When short-date bills come quicker in,

And frost of stocks takes hold.

When nature, markets to perplex,

A bankrupt seems to stand,

And only gives post-dated cheques
To answer our demand.

Punch studies all the American newspapers. Hence the mingled
grandeur and jocosity of his style. The last American journal which
he has studied is the Philadelphia Enquirer, in the advertising columns
whereof he finds something to note. This is a circular in behalf of a
gentleman named Pester, whom his friends purpose to “ run for
Alderman” for a region called Roxborough. Run for Alderman does
not mean that the civic candidates race each other for the honour ;
this would scarcely be aldermanly. It only means that Mr. Pester is
to be put up for election. And he is recommended for these reasons :—•

“ 1. Because he is good hearted, and a free giver to all worthy objects.

“ 2. He is the widow's friend.

“3. He is a friend to the poor man.

“ 4. You can trust him to collect money for you ; you will be sure to get it.

“ 5. He was the soldier’s friend when at the front.

“ 6. He is a friend to all the churches, without distinction of name or creed.

“ 7. His office is situated in the centre of Roxborough, where it is convenient.

“ 8. He is a sober, hard-working man, and minds his own business.”

We are not quite so plain-spoken as this in England, though a good
many elections are decided upon grounds like those on which Mr.
Pester’s fame reposes. Out of these eight reasons six set forth that
be is good to Mendicants. Objects beg of him, Widows beg of. him,
Poor Men beg of him, You beg him to beg for you, Soldiers beg of him,
Preachers beg of him—and his office, seventhly, is convenient for all
these Beggars. The appeal throws some light on American elections,
but we assure our Philadelphian friends (in England we dare proclaim
national weaknesses) that if a large number of our own election
addresses were translated into plain English, they would not be so
very unlike the testimonial to Mr. Pester.

Ai ! Ai !

The French correspondent of the Morning Star a very amusing

gossip, by the bye—says that Mr. Home, the. Spiritualist, is going to

marry Madame Moet, of the champagne. Liking the wine, we don’t

like the news. No, no Home-made wine for us.

*