Punch (53.1867)

120

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 21 I8tt7

RAMSGATE SANDS.—No. 2.

It is High Water. By this time Mr. Pip has got Slightly Tired of the Twins. The Nursemaids are still Bathing.
Mr. Pip to Mr. T., in a fiendish whisper, “ I say, T., what do you say to a Week in Paris, You and I, you know ? ”
Titwillow answers,-(La suite au prochain numero.)

SAYINGS AND DOINGS AT DUNDEE.

Mr. Punch,

Cradled in the lap of physical science, and nursed in the
I arms of natural philosophy, I, Isaac Newton Bacon, to whom in
buoyant youth soap-bubbles suggested prismatic colours and the soar-
ing kite told the story of Franklin and electricity, I, whose un-
official hours in methodical manhood are passed in the society of
Diatoms, and the investigation of the Fauna of Rutlandshire (cold as
a glacier to the Floras of Belgravia), and who look forward to an age
ot Algce and fresh-water snails, have day by day and Times by Times
watched, in my enforced confinement in a Public Department in
London, the proceedings of the British Association in congress at
Dundee, and ask leave now to dwell briefly on one or two points which
seem to require further elucidation in the pages of your scientific
periodical.

In Section A (Mathematics), “the proceedings opened with the reading
of the report of the Lunar Committee.” How are we to understand this
announcement ? As meaning that a Report was made by a deputation
of learned men, sent by the Royal Society of the Moon (including our
old friend the Man in the Moon), to ascertain the truth of the rumours
that have reached our luminous neighbour as to the almost universal
acquaintance with the wonders of nature and discoveries of science
displayed by the upper and middle classes in this planet, to the exclu-
sion of such useful studies as the Grecian Mythology, the composition
of Latin Hexameters, and the functions of the Amphictyonic Council?
Or have some of our rising philosophers been mixing with the best
circles in the Moon (at the modest outlay of only £120 I was delighted
to perceive) and learning something of the Penny Readings, Patent
Laws, Album Portraits, Coloured Fountains, and general scientific
progress of that distant and little known nation, with whom we hope
to have in the course of a few years, at least bi-monthly communica-
tion by means of balloons and aerial transports ? Or is it all moonshine ?

I was sorry to find that the “ behaviour ” of the Aneroid Barometer
had formed the subject of a paper (but not at present of an interview

with the stipendiary magistrate), as I had always considered it a well-
conducted instrument, not exhibiting the mercurial temperament of its
brethren, and to be thoroughly depended on at a “pressure.” My
confidence in an esteemed philosophical friend being thus rudely
shaken, possibly never again to be restored, the shock that I felt was
all the greater when I read that “ Professor Herschel said it was
too bold to say that every shooting star was a comet—they were
more likely the dissipated parts of comets.” Eccentric 1 may have
thought these “luminous meteors” to be, but “dissipated”—I hope
nobody will encourage them by watching anxiously for their ap-
pearance next November. For my part I intend to keep all my
daughters in the drawing-room the nights these fast young sparks
are expected to arrive, and shall not allow them to go out even on the
balcony.

Shooting stars remind me that “in Section D a discussion took place
on the grouse disease,”—a natural topic in Scotland, but the connection
between the Advancement of Science and the mortality amongst grouse
I have failed to discover, after a restless night of anxious thought,
mingled with dreams of crumbs and bread sauce—“ and on the desira-
bility of arresting the destruction of native birds of prey.” It the
Section will devise some sure means of “arresting” the plunderers of
boxes and hampers of “ native birds,” they will by so doing confer
more happiness on mankind than by any amount of figures showing
the compara'ive sums spent on giu-and-water and whiskey-toddy by
the peoples of England and Caledonia ; and they shall never want “ an
elegant luncheon ” wherever they go.

And as luncheon lias some connection with excursions, I am not, I
think, out of order in informing you that “ on arriving at Errol the
excursionists found machines waiting to convey them to Fingask.”
What machines ? I can think of nothmg but bathing-machines, unless
as the party was scientific, they made an experimental trip with some
of Mr. Babbage’s Calculating Machines ?

Here is a useful hint to workhouse officials. “ Professor Rogers
stated that at Oxford the guardians of the poor reduced the number of
paupers from 3,000 to 300 by simply enforcing that all persons received