Punch (53.1867)

September 21, 1867.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

121

into the workhouse should be thoroughly washed.” Nothing like the
union of soap and water for paupers !

From a paper which treated of the manufactures of Dundee (the
omission of all mention of marmalade was unpardonable), I derived
the bewildering information that there “ are also many persons engaged
in the public calenders.” Does the Master of the Rolls or the Deputy
Keeper of the Records know anything of these industrious Northerners,
or of the works upon which they are engaged ? Are they early histo-
rical notices of Jute land ?

Finally, it may interest your multitude of fair (and brown) readers
to know that amongst the votes of thanks passed at the close of the
Dundee Meeting was one from the grateful milliners of the place to
the Committee for selecting their town as the scene this year of the
operations of the British Association for the Advancement of Science,
“ the bonnets of Bonnie Dundee” having all been new for the occa-

S1011, Isaac Newton Bacon.

N.B. (North Britain, of course). Grants of money were made for
various scientific objects; amongst them one of £25 for “Fossil
Flora.” Was she a stony-hearted beauty, and where can this lovely
petrifaction be seen ?

Leibnitz Villas, Humphry Davy Road,

Lower Banksia.

THE BIRD AND THE BABY.

Let the Baby squall, Ma’am,

Cruel? Not at all. Ma’am.

Musical I call, Ma’am,

Children’s shrieks and cries.

Little chest expand. Ma’am,

Give what lungs demand, Ma’am,

Don’t you undrestand, Ma’am ?

Proper exercise.

But the other day, Ma’am,

While I was away, Ma’am,

Late in bed I lay, Ma’am,

As I sometimes do.

To my great delight, Ma’am,
Down-stairs—out of sight—Ma’am,
Scream with all their might, Ma’am,
Fancied I heard two.

“ One against the other.

Crying for their mother,

Sister strives with brother ;

Twins,” I thought, “ are those.”
But, when I descended,

And the row had ended,

They were, who contended.

What do you suppose ?

Of the two I heard, Ma’am,

One turned out a bird. Ma’am,

’Tis a fact absurd, Ma’am;

But the truth I tell.

Parrot, green and yellow,

Like an infant fellow,

Trying to outbellow
Other baby’s yell.

Brown should have been there, Ma’am,
Babies he can’t bear. Ma’am,

Parrot’s neck he’d swear, Ma’am,
Ought to have been wrung.

“ Baby,” with a curse. Ma’am,

To all pets averse. Ma’am,

“ Gag,” he’d tell the Nurse, Ma’am,

“ Make it hold its tongue.”

He, now, he’s a bear, Ma’am,

No, we’re not a pair, Ma’am,

I don’t, I declare. Ma’am,

Hate small girls and boys ;

Would not children shoot. Ma’am,

That they might be mute, Ma’am,

Am not such a brute. Ma’am;

Partial to their noise.

ANSWER TO A QUERY.

No. Sir Isaac Newton was not called “The Laughing Philo-
sopher,” until he discovered gravity.

RITUALIST THEATRICALS AT SHOREDITCH.

Notwithstanding the Report of the Ritual Commission, a full-
dress fancy service was held on a Friday evening lately, in the Church
ot St. Michael and All Angels, Shoreditch; a locality in which it may
be supposed that peculiar facilities for the display of taste and judg-
ment in ecclesiastical costume were afforded by an abundance of estab-
lishments for the sale of antique vestments, sometimes irreverently
termed old clo’.

The altar was handsomely lighted up with no less than fifty wax
candles, besides two large candelabra, one north the other south, in
addition to a long row of tapers on the rood-screen, and a profusion of
gas jets into the bargain. It was also tastefully decorated with flowers,
exhibiting a scene, at least, fully equal in brilliancy to anything of the
kind ever witnessed at the Horticultural Gardens. The occasion of
these embellishments, and the devotions which they graced, was a
sermon to be preached by Dr. Gray, Bishop of Cape-Town, within the
Octave of the Dedication fete of the sacred edifice.

Romanising commenced at eight o’clock with a procession, accom-
panied by a processional hymn. Precisely as the first note thereof
resounded, there issued from the vestry, at the north-east corner of the
church, a youthful figure, arrayed in what might by the uninformed
spectator have been taken for female attire ; a bright red robe, having
over it two slips of cambric, one in front and the other behind. This
smart dress, however, proved to be not that of a girl, but of a young
gentleman. It was, in fact, a gown and surplice. The wearer bore on
high a large golden cross, and after him marched a band of surpliced
choristers, two and two, in gay apparel; several of the younger ones
being like the cross-bearer, clad in red and cambric. The procession in-
cluded three clergymen, one of them a D.C.L., who wore a crimson
and scarlet hood, which was greatly admired. The Bishop, in full
episcopal robes, came last but one; and a deacon, shouldering a large
white flag, figured with a cross, brought up the rear. The procession
moved from east to west along the north aisle, and then from west to
east up the nave to the altar; thus not exactly down the middle and
up again. Arrived at their destination they all took places according
to their rank, and a musical performance commenced with full chorus,
wherein the leading parts were sustained by the Rev. D. B. F. Little-
dale and the Rev. H. D. Nihill. “ Nothing,” an attendant, was sub-
sequently heard to remark, “couldn’t be no finer than Nihill.”

The evening’s festivities were brought to a close with a discourse,
delivered, according to announcement, by the Colonial Bishop. It was
preceded by an invocation, whereat the whole of the reverend gentle-
men and chorus, together with most of the company, crossed them-
selves a, la Romaine. Before its commencement a dramatic incident
occurred. Who should make his appearance but Father Ignatius,
alias the Rev. Mr. Lyne, with above two hundred members of his
congregation, men, women, and children, walking in procession at his
heels ! They had come to demonstrate their gratitude to Bishop
Gray for the short way which he endeavoured to take with Bishop
Colenso. At the same time the theologians of Shoreditch made a
demonstration of tlieir controversial knowledge, which is probably
not exceeded by that of Ignatius himself. They also came to beg the
Bishop’s blessing; and went, to receive it, down upon their knees.
The effect was excellent. Roman Catholics were never better acted.

After a few minutes’ silence, Ignatius and his followers made their
exit. Having finished preaching, the Bishop gave a separate benedic-
tion to the party present; and the whole concluded with a recessional
canticle. It was not over till past ten o’clock.

CELTICANA.

At the Welsh Eisteddfod (all the faculties, including the medical
1 acuity, required for the right, spelling of this word) there were “ ninety-
seven competitors for the best Englyn (stanza) on the ‘Weathercock.
The fact is not generally known, but will now be universally notorious,
that The Right Honourable B-n D-1, and several of his col-

leagues were amongst those who were vain enough to think themselves
competent to write on the Weathercock. Lords Carnarvon and
Cranborne, and General Peel declined the competition.

Some surprise has been expressed that in the swarm of prizes given
at the Festival not one was offered for the best Welsh rabbit. The
head-waiter at Evans’s informs us that he would have been proud to
act as judge. __

Bill Sykes in Velvet.

A swindler who adopts an alias may be politely described as a
gentleman who changes his name for property.”

From Newington Butts.—Of all gatherings an archery meeting is
the most fashionable, for there you are sure to meet the whole of the
bow monde.