DOI Heft:
November 23, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16880#0224
November 23, 1867.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
213
EPICURUS IN THE FIELD OF MARS.
As you have privately, and not unhandsomely, apologised for
the objectionable remark you appended to my first letter, you receive
my second. “Sorry for it, is all a gentleman can say. W e are
friends, and I prove my friendship by saying that I think you are
very fatuous to irritate a valuable—an invaluable—Contributor.
Suppose I had transferred my services to the Christian Observer.
1 left myself about to refresh myself at the Paris Exhibition. As I
said, there was plenty of choice in that outside Oval. But, I no*'
see anything that I thought 1 should like, and I am too old—1 mean
too wise—to buy anything I don’t like merely because a pretty young
lady sells it. At last, however, I came to a bar where, beholding a
long row of little American eagles in silver, or what looked like it, I
concluded that I should find good liquor, and I concluded to try—
observe the Anglo-American amalgamation of phrase. Sir, let me
make Honourable Mention of that bar. There was brewed and fizzed
for me a drink—well, it was a drink. Pineapple cream, soda water,
ice, and several other good things were so artistically blended into one
refreshing and delighting draught, that I had a great mind to take
another, and that is the highest praise man can bestow. But I re-
frained, and departed, more than ever convinced that America is a
noble country.
Then, Sir, I might have turned into the building, and begun to
inspect furiously. An ordinary man would have done so, but, as
Ladurlad says when he dives into the water to kill the Beast, “ Not
like man am I.” My thought was that the morning was fine, and that
the afternoon might be wet. Therefore, I addressed myself to out-
door work while the sun shone. The Ovals have a Park around them,
studded with mosques, lighthouses, heavy houses, electric-light
houses, and other edifices, Egyptian, Japanese, Italian, Albertine,
Mexican, Henry Coline, Chinese—and a dozen more. ^ Into most
you went for your original franc, but you were done at the gates of
the best—in fact I may say, once for all, to the honour of the French
nation, that no device by which half a franc extra could be screwed
out of their visitors, was neglected. I remember no shows at our
Exhibitions for which people were asked an extra sixpence—we shall
know better in 1878. None of these copies were fit to be named on
the same day with the courts in the Crystal Palace, but we must not
be too hard upon foreigners.
England came out well in the Park. Specially splendid was her
display of big cannons and all that belongs to such toys. I was pleased
to see that the French glared angrily and enviously at these monstra-
tious guns. I was pleased to notice the eager delight of a lot of
English boys, from some school in Paris, who came rushing through
this part of the show, every lad explaining everything to every other,
and all at once. They looked clean, and fresh, and boy-like, and were
not pretending to be little men who knew everything, like Parisian
lads, who by the way do know a precious deal more than they ought.
I suppose that is why grown-up Frenchmen are so ignorant. But as I
have said, we must not be too hard upon foreigners.
There was also a Reserved Garden, which charged half a franc more
for abandoning its reserve, in your favour. It struck me as not only
reserved, but rather sulky. There was a particularly stagnant serpen-
tine gutter in it, meant for a stream, only it did not flow, and wanted
attention from the Board of Health. But there were two good things
in this garden. One was a large aquarium, in which were many good
fish, and a vast carp from Fontainebleau, said to be a hundred or a
thousand years old, I forget which, and oue as likely as the other.
Also, there was a lovely sort of kiosk, which had been furnished
much as I should have done it myself, that is, divinely, for the Em-
press. Here I had luck. My companion had a pass which took us in.
I was glad to look at the pretty inside, but that was nothing. The
pleasure was to see hundreds outside shoving and pushing and flatten-
ing their ugly noses against the windows, and to stalk haughtily out
among them, and be asked why you obtained entrance, and to answer
loftily, but in the purest French, “ Parseker, \dossoo, je swee un jour-
nalist dangletare, ay un redacteur de Mossoo Porch de Londre.”
I do not wish to disparage the French intellect. Some Gauls have
done clever things, though the world won’t be humbugged into believing
that Pascal taught Newton, or that Napoleon licked Wellington.
But 1 must say what 1 saw. There were many objects of interest
outside the Ovals, but the greatest crowd stood about a two-penny
invention that twirled round and squirted water. The effect was a good
deal less than that whichis produced by one of my own gardeners when he
waters one of my flower-beds with a hose, but it enchanted hundreds.
Happy is the ruler of a nation that can be so easily amused. A lady
who has lived many years in Paris looked with finer but less indulgent
eyes at this display, and said, “ All Frenchmen are great babies.” “ I
hope they will never be weaned,” was my philanthropic response.
In the aquarium I saw some prawns, alive, and they reminded me
that the sight ot some dead ones might not be amiss. You will easily
catch the clue to the train of thought to which this led me. But I
felt that I was in Paris lor a duty, and duty I seldom neglect when 1
cannot get anybody else to do it for me. You wished me to see the
Exhibition, and in I went. I make no boast, of haying done your
errand, but it is right to record that I did it. But I did not want to
go in. I would much have preferred going to a Cafd, and ordering my
dinner, and lounging on the Boulevards until it should be ready.
By cutting across the Ovals, you saw segments thereof right and
left, and noticed that there were many articles on view. Pushing on-
ward, not to be distracted with too many things at once, you reach a
little garden, which is the centre of the Exhibition. And, my dear Sir,
the heart of this garden, the centre of all these monster rings, which
made you feel as if you had got into Saturn, was a little money-chang-
ing office. I liked this cynicism. It was frank. How much better to
be truthful, and stick up that tiny temple to Mammon, the god of the
show, than to stick there a statue of Universal Brotherhood, or of
Peace waving an olive branch. I took a liking to this little garden,
and immediately sat down and smoked. Promptly was I darted upon
for payment for my chair. I paid, and the estimable person who
watched the chairs then tried to get payment out of my friend, who
had not taken a chair at all. He spoke French fluently, and his ironical
reprimand actually brought colour to her cheek. We established the
fact that one French person can blush.
There were, however, statues in this garden, and plenty of them,
and mostly what we call undraped, which is a faint word when speaking
of French art. It does manage to make so very much of the fact that
a figure wears no clothes. That’s all I mean to say on a subject on
which one can’t help saying something, seeing that the fact I have
mentioned was forced upon your eyes at the Show and all over Paris.
By going out at the opposite end of the garden, and cutting across
the Ovals on the further side, you saw more segments and more articles.
And this bold and skilful manoeuvre I performed with much precision,
turning aside neither to the right nor to the left, but walking straight
out at the other gate of the Park. I fulfilled your wish, and saw the
Exhibition. To have examined it in detail would have occupied me
seven months, and I had only about five-and-twenty minutes, and I
had scarcely emerged when l heard a vast bell tolling violently.
Remembering that I was a Protestant in Paris, I began to think
of St. Bartholomew, and prepare to resign my theological convic-
tions at the shortest notice. But the sound was not from St. Germain
L’Auxerrois, but from the Exhibition itself, and was the death-knell
of the Show. The only connection with St. Bartholomew was in the
appearance of the larger Oval, where, art and science not being
enough for the Parisian grown-up Baby, he was regaled with the
Chinese Giant, the Decapitated Head (how do you decap.fate a
head ?) and several other shows which we look for in a Fair.
Such, Sir, is a full and elaborate report of the contents of the Paris
Exhibition of 1867. It is delightful to think that England has not only
covered herself with glory by what she showed—triumphant in ail
departments save those of art and luxe—but by having paid in three
distinct ways towards the affair—by her Parliamentary subsidy—by
great injury to her own neglected watering-places—and by the hideous
extortion to which her children were individually submitted. But I
have no complaint of that last kind, and you will be glad to hear that
my labours in your cause were singularly requited. A Christian
friend—a noble Scot—invited me to dine at the Cafe Riche, as a con-
clusion to my visit. The dinner was worthy of the donor and the
guest. It is yours, Sir, to thank the former as he deserves. From
circumstances, the latter was, I believe, unable to do so.
Yours respectfully,
Epicurus Rotundus.
A BUTCHERLY BATTUE.
^ Thanks to universal trespassing, game is sadly scarce in France.
Still, in some places there must be a tolerable supply of it, to judge by
what .the Emperor of Austria the other day was able to bag at
Compiegne :—“Breakfast was served in the forest, under a temporary
shed, and at the close of the day 4,500 head of game had been brought
down, the Kaiser being credited with the death of 600.”
A French breakfast is usually served about mid-day, and probably
the shooting ceased at four o’clock. So, the Kaiser had three hours,
or less, for killing his 600 head, and must have bagged them at the rate
of three or four a minute, as fast as a crack snot, could slaughter
pigeons from a trap. As he probably missed twice for every time he
killed, he must have banged away well nigh 2000 shots in the three
hours, and we hope he liked the headache which deservedly was earned
by such a butcherly day’s sport.
A Simple Question—(i>? the Olympic Playbills.)—“The Way to
Get Married, if I had a Thousand a Year?"—By holding up my
finger. {We are surprised that Mr. Webster should think it worth
while to make the inquiry.)
Doing as Rome Does —Occupying oneself.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
213
EPICURUS IN THE FIELD OF MARS.
As you have privately, and not unhandsomely, apologised for
the objectionable remark you appended to my first letter, you receive
my second. “Sorry for it, is all a gentleman can say. W e are
friends, and I prove my friendship by saying that I think you are
very fatuous to irritate a valuable—an invaluable—Contributor.
Suppose I had transferred my services to the Christian Observer.
1 left myself about to refresh myself at the Paris Exhibition. As I
said, there was plenty of choice in that outside Oval. But, I no*'
see anything that I thought 1 should like, and I am too old—1 mean
too wise—to buy anything I don’t like merely because a pretty young
lady sells it. At last, however, I came to a bar where, beholding a
long row of little American eagles in silver, or what looked like it, I
concluded that I should find good liquor, and I concluded to try—
observe the Anglo-American amalgamation of phrase. Sir, let me
make Honourable Mention of that bar. There was brewed and fizzed
for me a drink—well, it was a drink. Pineapple cream, soda water,
ice, and several other good things were so artistically blended into one
refreshing and delighting draught, that I had a great mind to take
another, and that is the highest praise man can bestow. But I re-
frained, and departed, more than ever convinced that America is a
noble country.
Then, Sir, I might have turned into the building, and begun to
inspect furiously. An ordinary man would have done so, but, as
Ladurlad says when he dives into the water to kill the Beast, “ Not
like man am I.” My thought was that the morning was fine, and that
the afternoon might be wet. Therefore, I addressed myself to out-
door work while the sun shone. The Ovals have a Park around them,
studded with mosques, lighthouses, heavy houses, electric-light
houses, and other edifices, Egyptian, Japanese, Italian, Albertine,
Mexican, Henry Coline, Chinese—and a dozen more. ^ Into most
you went for your original franc, but you were done at the gates of
the best—in fact I may say, once for all, to the honour of the French
nation, that no device by which half a franc extra could be screwed
out of their visitors, was neglected. I remember no shows at our
Exhibitions for which people were asked an extra sixpence—we shall
know better in 1878. None of these copies were fit to be named on
the same day with the courts in the Crystal Palace, but we must not
be too hard upon foreigners.
England came out well in the Park. Specially splendid was her
display of big cannons and all that belongs to such toys. I was pleased
to see that the French glared angrily and enviously at these monstra-
tious guns. I was pleased to notice the eager delight of a lot of
English boys, from some school in Paris, who came rushing through
this part of the show, every lad explaining everything to every other,
and all at once. They looked clean, and fresh, and boy-like, and were
not pretending to be little men who knew everything, like Parisian
lads, who by the way do know a precious deal more than they ought.
I suppose that is why grown-up Frenchmen are so ignorant. But as I
have said, we must not be too hard upon foreigners.
There was also a Reserved Garden, which charged half a franc more
for abandoning its reserve, in your favour. It struck me as not only
reserved, but rather sulky. There was a particularly stagnant serpen-
tine gutter in it, meant for a stream, only it did not flow, and wanted
attention from the Board of Health. But there were two good things
in this garden. One was a large aquarium, in which were many good
fish, and a vast carp from Fontainebleau, said to be a hundred or a
thousand years old, I forget which, and oue as likely as the other.
Also, there was a lovely sort of kiosk, which had been furnished
much as I should have done it myself, that is, divinely, for the Em-
press. Here I had luck. My companion had a pass which took us in.
I was glad to look at the pretty inside, but that was nothing. The
pleasure was to see hundreds outside shoving and pushing and flatten-
ing their ugly noses against the windows, and to stalk haughtily out
among them, and be asked why you obtained entrance, and to answer
loftily, but in the purest French, “ Parseker, \dossoo, je swee un jour-
nalist dangletare, ay un redacteur de Mossoo Porch de Londre.”
I do not wish to disparage the French intellect. Some Gauls have
done clever things, though the world won’t be humbugged into believing
that Pascal taught Newton, or that Napoleon licked Wellington.
But 1 must say what 1 saw. There were many objects of interest
outside the Ovals, but the greatest crowd stood about a two-penny
invention that twirled round and squirted water. The effect was a good
deal less than that whichis produced by one of my own gardeners when he
waters one of my flower-beds with a hose, but it enchanted hundreds.
Happy is the ruler of a nation that can be so easily amused. A lady
who has lived many years in Paris looked with finer but less indulgent
eyes at this display, and said, “ All Frenchmen are great babies.” “ I
hope they will never be weaned,” was my philanthropic response.
In the aquarium I saw some prawns, alive, and they reminded me
that the sight ot some dead ones might not be amiss. You will easily
catch the clue to the train of thought to which this led me. But I
felt that I was in Paris lor a duty, and duty I seldom neglect when 1
cannot get anybody else to do it for me. You wished me to see the
Exhibition, and in I went. I make no boast, of haying done your
errand, but it is right to record that I did it. But I did not want to
go in. I would much have preferred going to a Cafd, and ordering my
dinner, and lounging on the Boulevards until it should be ready.
By cutting across the Ovals, you saw segments thereof right and
left, and noticed that there were many articles on view. Pushing on-
ward, not to be distracted with too many things at once, you reach a
little garden, which is the centre of the Exhibition. And, my dear Sir,
the heart of this garden, the centre of all these monster rings, which
made you feel as if you had got into Saturn, was a little money-chang-
ing office. I liked this cynicism. It was frank. How much better to
be truthful, and stick up that tiny temple to Mammon, the god of the
show, than to stick there a statue of Universal Brotherhood, or of
Peace waving an olive branch. I took a liking to this little garden,
and immediately sat down and smoked. Promptly was I darted upon
for payment for my chair. I paid, and the estimable person who
watched the chairs then tried to get payment out of my friend, who
had not taken a chair at all. He spoke French fluently, and his ironical
reprimand actually brought colour to her cheek. We established the
fact that one French person can blush.
There were, however, statues in this garden, and plenty of them,
and mostly what we call undraped, which is a faint word when speaking
of French art. It does manage to make so very much of the fact that
a figure wears no clothes. That’s all I mean to say on a subject on
which one can’t help saying something, seeing that the fact I have
mentioned was forced upon your eyes at the Show and all over Paris.
By going out at the opposite end of the garden, and cutting across
the Ovals on the further side, you saw more segments and more articles.
And this bold and skilful manoeuvre I performed with much precision,
turning aside neither to the right nor to the left, but walking straight
out at the other gate of the Park. I fulfilled your wish, and saw the
Exhibition. To have examined it in detail would have occupied me
seven months, and I had only about five-and-twenty minutes, and I
had scarcely emerged when l heard a vast bell tolling violently.
Remembering that I was a Protestant in Paris, I began to think
of St. Bartholomew, and prepare to resign my theological convic-
tions at the shortest notice. But the sound was not from St. Germain
L’Auxerrois, but from the Exhibition itself, and was the death-knell
of the Show. The only connection with St. Bartholomew was in the
appearance of the larger Oval, where, art and science not being
enough for the Parisian grown-up Baby, he was regaled with the
Chinese Giant, the Decapitated Head (how do you decap.fate a
head ?) and several other shows which we look for in a Fair.
Such, Sir, is a full and elaborate report of the contents of the Paris
Exhibition of 1867. It is delightful to think that England has not only
covered herself with glory by what she showed—triumphant in ail
departments save those of art and luxe—but by having paid in three
distinct ways towards the affair—by her Parliamentary subsidy—by
great injury to her own neglected watering-places—and by the hideous
extortion to which her children were individually submitted. But I
have no complaint of that last kind, and you will be glad to hear that
my labours in your cause were singularly requited. A Christian
friend—a noble Scot—invited me to dine at the Cafe Riche, as a con-
clusion to my visit. The dinner was worthy of the donor and the
guest. It is yours, Sir, to thank the former as he deserves. From
circumstances, the latter was, I believe, unable to do so.
Yours respectfully,
Epicurus Rotundus.
A BUTCHERLY BATTUE.
^ Thanks to universal trespassing, game is sadly scarce in France.
Still, in some places there must be a tolerable supply of it, to judge by
what .the Emperor of Austria the other day was able to bag at
Compiegne :—“Breakfast was served in the forest, under a temporary
shed, and at the close of the day 4,500 head of game had been brought
down, the Kaiser being credited with the death of 600.”
A French breakfast is usually served about mid-day, and probably
the shooting ceased at four o’clock. So, the Kaiser had three hours,
or less, for killing his 600 head, and must have bagged them at the rate
of three or four a minute, as fast as a crack snot, could slaughter
pigeons from a trap. As he probably missed twice for every time he
killed, he must have banged away well nigh 2000 shots in the three
hours, and we hope he liked the headache which deservedly was earned
by such a butcherly day’s sport.
A Simple Question—(i>? the Olympic Playbills.)—“The Way to
Get Married, if I had a Thousand a Year?"—By holding up my
finger. {We are surprised that Mr. Webster should think it worth
while to make the inquiry.)
Doing as Rome Does —Occupying oneself.