Punch (73.1877)

LONDON CHAEIVAEI. 17

PRIEST-PENITENT IN ABSOLUTION.

Go, self-styled " Priest in Absolution,"
And fitting penance be put tbrough—

Or, owning a base substitution,
At least confess thyself a " doo " !

Go, sbam Confessor, self-appointed.
Kneel to a Priest with patent chrism,—

Rome's own original anointed !
To shrive thee of the sin of schism!

Own thee a double-faced backslider
Who ought to join St. Peter's bark;

Too long a heretic misguider,
From Luther's light to DENs's'dark.

A base deceiver and beguiler

Of silly women, old and young ;
A humbug and impostor, viler

Than aught that can be told with tongue.

Humbly beg pardon for exploring,

Unauthorised, another's breast,
And, thine own frailties while forth-pouring,

A quack Confessor stand contest!

Solicit of thy ghostly father

A penance worthy thy desert;
One that will incommode thee rather—

An iron belt or horsehair shirt,

Peas in thy boots, or flagellation

Prescribed to merited extent,
Or whate'er worse humiliation

It hath pleased Priest-craft to invent.'

Seek, before spreading more pollution,
Of thine own sins to be released ;

And be thyself, in Absolution,
The Penitent instead of Priest!

A BROAD HINT.

English \ Traveller {to\Irish Railway Porter labelling Luggage). "Don't you
keep a Brush for that "Work, Porter ?"

Porter. " Shtjre, totjr Honour, our Tongues is the only Insthruments
we 're allowed. But they 're asy kep' Wet, your Honner ? " [Hint taken 1

Confiteor!

Punch, in last week's Essence of Parliament, in a fit
of forgetfulne8s, gave Goethe the credit of a famous
line of Schiller's on the supremacy of folly,

A score of " kyind friends " have been quick to warn
him of his mistake. He thanks them, and thus does
penance for it in his own sheets.

{Commons.)—Before going into Supply, Parnell once more lifted been previously put into a state of somnolent good humour by an

up his voice for his friends the Convicts, and the irrepressible
Whalley, of course, lugged in the "Unfortunate Nobleman."
Mr. Cross promised inquiry in the Recess. Anything for a quiet
life.

The Blue-Coat Committee is"to inquire'not only into'the suicide of
the poor boy, Gibbs, but into the state and,discipline of the School.
Its members are Mr. Walpole, Mr. Forsteb, Mr. Russell Gurney,
Mr Walter, and the Dean of Christ-Church. Thank you, Mr.
Cross. There could not be a better selection. The discipline like the
dress of Edward the Sixth's school evidently wants overhauling.

ON AMATEUR ACTORS

Who court publicity, and love to see something about themselves

in print.

So long as the Upper Ten among Professional Actors and Actresses
encourage the " Distinguished Amateurs" by their remarkably
disinterested friendship, and their (of course) genuine praise, so long
will these Amateurs, whether "distinguished" as "The Idiotic Lot"
(from Earlswood Asylum for One Day Only—Great Attraction .'),
or by any other weakminded title, continue to degrade and render
ridiculous the Art of which they would have the Public suppose
they are so deeply enamoured. If their endeavours are for the
benefit of a Charity, then that particular cause would be far better
served were these Amateur Actresses and Actors who are so perpetually
distinguishing themselves from the rest of their fellow-creatures,
to make the round of their large dress-circle of fashionable friends
and acquaintances, and collect the sovereigns themselves.

lhe money that would have been spent on the inevitable feastings
and other vanities" inseparable from all Amateur performances,
could be devoted to the same charitable object. And then if they
must perform, let them do it among themselves, in some private
house, where the patient victims, who serve as audience, may have

admirable dinner, or at least be buoyed up, during the purgatorial
suffering of sitting through the performance ol their Amateur
friends, by the prospect of an excellent supper.

Ask one of these Amateurs to witness an Amateur performance !
Will not his'humorous reply be, " Not if he knows it " ?

Are these Amateurs rendered so obtuse by their marvellous self-
conceit that they do not perceive how they are being laughed at,
behind their backs, by those very Professionals with whom they are
so delighted to consort, and with whom they are so childishly
pleased to " talk shop," and who only Hatter them to their faces in
order that they may, when the occasion requires, secure their valu-
able patronage for their " Benefits " ?

There was an excellent notice iu the Daily Telegraph the other day
of one of these brilliant Amateur Performances at the Gaiety Theatre.
The writer avoided all criticism of the performers, but adroitly
charged the audience with being dull; and this, he explained, had a
depressing effect on the Actors ! ! The audience were, it appears,
so densely stupid, and so unappreciative, that the majority quitted
their Stalls (lor they were almost entirely a stall-led audience)
before the last piece. The deduction is cleverly left to the reader.

There are " wheels within wheels " in most cases, and much micro-
scopic machinery in all Amateur Theatrical Movements. For our-
selves, we are satisfied with " the escape movement." But while
the wheels of toadyism, flunkeyism, and individual interest exist,
they will act and re-act on one another, the machinery will he
set in motion, the professional puppets will bow and praise, and the
" Distinguished Amateurs " will.continue to strut their long hours
on the Stage, and live in a blissful state of self-glorification.

the monitor system.

Judging by the blowings-up which have occurred, the Turkish
Monitors, like those of the Blue Coat School, seem to be in need of
official overhauling.