Punch (73.1877)

Octobscr 20, 1877.] PDNCH, Oil THE LONDON CHARIVARI. m

OCTOBER.

All ye who would drink,
And yet stop on the brink

Of the chasm 'twixt drunken and sober,
Throw out to the slums
All your Brandies and Rums,

And stick fast to good honest October!

Your Frenchman is vain

Of his frothy Champagne—
Of his Burgundy and his Bordeaux, Sirs!

A staggering pot

Of October, I wot,
Would soon send all the lot down below, Sirs!

Your Clarets and Hocks,
And your sour German bocks,

May be all very well when you 're ill, Sirs !
But I venture to think
That old Johnny Bull's drink

Is the brave old October-brew still, Sirs !

Where find you for muscle,

Or pluck in a tussle,
A man who with Bull is compeer, Sirs ?

And if you'd know why—

'Tis because when he's dry,
He's content with a draught of good Beer, Sirs

THE PULPIT AND THE STAGE.

Speaklng to an audience chiefly composed of Clergymen, in the recent Ecclesiastical
Congress, on the subject of " The Church in relation to Public Amusements," a layman
made an observation which may possibly have suggested an idea to some of his reverend
hearers :—

" Mr. Hall, M.P., thought they were apt to take too narrow views of the theatre. It was not in a
condition in which they should like to see it, but if it was not all they desired to see it, he thought part
of the blame lay with those who, if they patronised the drama more, might, from the effect of their
presence and influence, cleanse the Stage from the adaptations from the French Stage which brought the
Stage into disrepute."

What is there to prevent Clergymen from countenancing the performance of any play fit
for any Christian gentleman or lady to sit at, by going to see it ? Surely, nothing but fear
of what would be said by Mrs. Grundy. By way of a beginning, imagine an event which
perhaps will, ere long, be thus announced iu the Morning Post:—

" The tragedy of Samlet was last night performed at the Lyceum Theatre. A centre stall was occupied
by the Archbishop of Canterbury."

This example might set the fashion, and is it not probable that if the Clergy in general
would patronise the Stage, there would soon be an end of the extravaganzas described at their
Congress by Canon Money as consisting in "the making of low gestures, the utterance of
impure language, and the indulgence in low customs." In a very short time the visitor
to a Theatre which need not be named might be entertained with She Stoops to Conquer.

Artillery and Infantry.

It has been suggested that, in the event of a war, the Woolwich Infants might be
employed with peculiar advantage in the attack of breastworks. Although now above a year
old, these Infants are still considered to be children iu arms. Nevertheless, all such children
resemble those concerning whom the notice in the 'bus informs us that children must be
paid for.

De Beoglie's Doing.—The political situation in France—an imbroglio.

THE SCIOLISTS TRIUMPH.

A Sciolist^ at evening's close,
Sat snug with spectacles on nose,

And read his penny paper,
He dwelt in a suburban spot,
Of lore he had amassed a lot,

And burnt much midnight tap;r ;
At least so the tradition ran
Concerning this amazing man.

His friends—and he had not few—
Opined he knew " a thing or two.''

You '11 hud, on due reflection,
Such modest numerals express
Omniscitnce, and nothing less,

When used in this connection.
Ftw rhymesters ever turned a verse on
So very well-informed a person.

He laid his penny paper down,
IIi knit his eyebrows in a frown,

(They were severe and shaggy),
He pished, poohed, pshawed, he rubbed

his chin,
He thrust his doubled digits in

His pockets big and baggy.
Cried he, at last, " This will not do !
The world is going all askew !

" Its Science!—Pooh! All fog and smoke !
Its Jurisprudence—a mere joke !

Its Law—the merest jumble !
These savans I must show new lights,
These rulers I must set to rights,

These big-wigs I must humble.
I '11 put a stop to Error's capers
By simply writing to the papers."

He rose, and took a ream or more
Of foolscap, goose-quills by the score,

Of ink a gallon bottle ;
And then he set himself to work
Tykdall to quas,'i, whitewash the Tu?k.

All Hydra's necks to throttle.
On Queen, Lords, Commons, Judge, and
Jury

He fell with most loquacious fury.

He wrote to all the penny prints,
He sent them homilies, and hints,

And warnings, and jobations,
Interrogations wondrous wise,
Most argumentative replies,

And stern expostulations.
Each letter smart, sarcastic, solemn,
AVas long enough to fill a column.

He signed himself all sorts of names—
"A Constant Reader," "Truthful James,"

" Vindex." "Fair-play," or "Jingo,"
It was the silly season, and
The Editors could not command

Light journalistic stingo ;
So, glad at anything to catch,
They went and "printed all the batch.

Oh, then that Sciolist uprose,

And cried, " What power may oppose

Public Opinion's fiat P "
Then sat him down again to muse
What public puzzle, wrong, abuse

He next should have a shy at;
Seeing that nothing can resist
The letter-scribbling Sciolist.

Different Doctors.

Doctoes differ in other points than matters
of opinion. Those of one Faculty differ
from those of another. There has been
noted a difference between Doctors of Medi-
cine and Doctors of Divinity. The former
practise, the latter preach. If an M.D.
preach as well as practise, he is an excep-
tion, and most likely a Dissenter. Let us
believe the D.D. who preaches but does not
practise to be an exceptional humbug.

vol. lxxiii.