Punch (73.1877)

December 1, 1877.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

241

PUNCH TO DR. DARWIN.

ue world's stage footlights
flare and fume,
While the clear light
that shall illume
The Future's far-
thest ages,
In quiet sanctums few

descry,
Still trimmed and tended
patiently
By unobtrusive
sages.

And when that light

begins to show
Its keen but unfamiliar

glow

To poor be-muddled
mortals,
The dullards blink, the

quidnuncs croak,
The zealots fain would
Heaven invoke
To bar those perilous
portals.

In vain ; that clear and

conquering light
Wins as it widens, calms

affright,
Dull souls from
dread delivers;
Till they who came to

curse make shift
To give a welcome to the

gift

And honour to the
givers.

So comes my'Darwtn's turn of praise
And the green honours of their bays

The men who banned you offer ;
The smile, of such occasion born,
Might well have had a touch of scorn,

Could wisdom be a scoffer.

But only shallow smartness mocks
The antics of the orthodox,

The dogmatist's wild capers,
Smile, but ne'er lift the heel to spurn ;
Trust Truth's asbestos to outburn

Delusion's glimmering tapers.

Science should be the last to claim
Infallibility's false fame,
Which only Folly urges.

The truth to seek with patient quest
Is hers, content to leave the rest
To blatant Boanerges.

So have you done ; the road you tread,
As free from rashness as from dread,

You follow without swerving.
Fame meets you fairly on the way,
And where's the duffer who to-day

Dare question your deserving ?

Punch cracks his jokes at you sans ruth;
His honest fun wars not with Truth,

But rather serves to test her;
And, serious now, he bows respect,
Sure that the Sage will not reject

The tribute of the Jester.

IN CHIEF JUSTICE PUNCH'S COUET OF PINAL BEVIEW.
(With Chief Justice Punch's compliments to Mr. William Cullen Bryant.)

Chief Justice Punch, on taking his seat, remarked that it was with sorrow he perceived such
increasing ill-usage of the Queen's English. He was glad to see that his friend Mr. Bryant was
trying to put a stop to this sort of crime on the other side of the Atlantic, and he.was determined,
if he could, to crush it on this side. Without further preface he would now take the first case
on the day's list.

Miss Lavlnia Jenkinson, forty-four, described as a novelist, was charged with repeated
attacks on her own language. For the prosecution it was proved that the prisoner at the bar had
frequently used such expressions as the following :—(1) " Her luxurious masses of golden hair
glinted in the moonbeams like an aureole around the brows of a mediteval saint" ; (2) "A swift
sudden light broke from her lurid eyes like the lightning from a summer sky " ; (3) " A dark
shadow, which marked his Italian blood, mantled over the clean cut features"; (4) "The tawny

moustache drooped heavily on the cold, cruel lips, whose honey-poison had lured"- Chief

Justice Punch would not trouble Mr. Toby, (J.C., to proceed. Had the prisoner anything to say for
herself ? The prisoner said the public liked her style. Chief Justice Punch was sorry for the
public, but he considered such a plea as in fact an aggravation of the crime. If the public liked
poison, that would not excuse the Bbinvilllebs and Bobgias. Despite the prisoner's sex, he felt
it a duty to inflict as heavy a punishment as the law permitted. The sentence was that the
prisoner be sentenced to the hard labour of reading her own novels for the space of three calendar

months. The prisoner, who seemed
overwhelmed at the severity of the
sentence, was removed from the dock
in a fainting condition.

Penny A. Lyneb, twenty-seven,
described as a journalist, was charged
with repeated offences of the same
kind. Mr. Toby, Q,.C., remarked
that the prosecution relied upon one
sentence, which, with the Court's
permission, he would read. He
must state that during last summer
a chimney took fire one evening in
the house of one Jones, a corn-
chandler, while the family was at
tea. This was the prisoner's ac-
count :—" Yesterday afternoon our
worthy fellow-citizen _Mr. Jones,
whose mission in life is to purvey
the golden grain to the humble
households of the poor, was enjoying
the repose of his own vine and fig-
tree in the bosom of his family.
The urn was hissing on the hospit-
able board, and the fragrant odour
diffused through the apartment
clearly indicated the presence of
the cup that cheers but not in-
ebriates, when suddenly the de-
vouring element "- The Judge

peremptorily stopped the case, and
asked the prisoner if he had any-
thing to say. P. A. Lyneb replied
that he had to live, and that he was
paid by the length of his copy.
Chief Justice Punch said that was
no business of his. He must put
the prisoner on short allowance of
flimsy, for some time at least, by
sentencing him to describe all fires,
accidents, murders, and such other
events as came under his notice for
the ensuing five years in as short
and simple language as possible.
The prisoner was taken out of
Court, begging hard for a shorter
term.

iEoLus G-lendoweb Witch
Sphynx Auboea, _ thirty - three,
described as a sporting prophet, was
charged with a similar offence. The
Counsel for the prosecution said that
this was an appalling case of crime.
The prisoner was in the habit of
calling a good horse a "clinker";
he would express his favourable
opinion of a man by terming him a
"flyer"; his unfavourable opinion
by terming him a " mug." When a
person had lost his money the
prisoner would call him "broke";
an act of cheating he called a
" ramp." Of the enormities of such
phrases as "fly flats," " standing on
velvet," and "real jam," he would
not speak. Chief Justice Punch
said this was a very bad case, and he
felt it his duty to make an example,
however painful it might be. The
prisoner would be bound over to
follow his business throughout the
entire of the next racing season,
and to invest his money on his own
prophecies. The prisoner was re-
moved yelling, "I am ruined, my
Lord, I am ruined ! "

This case concluded the business
of the sitting—but a long list of
similar cases, we regret to say,
remains to be disposed of.

The Two Difficulties oe the
Day.—MacMahon's to get a Minis-
try, and St. Andrew's to get a Lord-.
Rector.

vol. lxxhi.