Punch (73.1877)

November 3, 1877.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 193

GOOD NEWS OF NEDDY.

b. Punch yer Honner,
The Times is gone by, 6er,
wen a Coav cood In joy tie
intelectial Entertanement
in a lundun Subbub of be-
oldin a Moak bein ballenced
on the topp of a Lader
restin on is Oner's chin.
No longer is eerd the
wunce fermillier woice of
Jo Muggins a cryin " Tup-
pence moar and hup gose
the Donky ! " Then there
wasn't no Crulety to Hani-
mles in them days. Ar,
we shan't never see sitch
Times again!

Howsomdever Mr. Punch
i ham appy to Tel yer
donkeys is riz, tho differn't
from wot they used to be on
Jo Muggins on his Laddar.
]STo doubt but wot you can
phancy the Felins of my
buzzum wen at our littery
and sientifhc Instootion
Mount Plezzant paradise
Roe i redd the Passidge i
Now coppy from the times—

"High-priced Donkeys.—The price of male donkeys in Poitou ranges
from £200 to £400. The one belonging to Mr. Sundekland, Coombe,
Croydon, first prize at the Dairy Show, cost £300."

When I redd this ear my Art as it wear lep up and which you '11
Reddily cunsieve wen i Menshun i'm the Appy properiorator of a
donky i '11 bak at enny donky-sho agin are anuther i Nose. In the
wurds of a wunce poplar Song witch TJ ser in coarse are famillier i
Mite allmost say as

" i keeps a reglar tare and flare up
Moak wot cost eleven bob."

onely Mine cost a litel moar than that rayther modderat Summ but
nott so verry mutch neither. And now to find myself Blest with
sitch a treasur as a Hass wot praps may be wuth from £300 to £400.
my ownly dout is wot to do with im, e bein a jackhass i shood tell
yer Ser, and wether ide Beter try and sel im or putchus a help meet
ibr im and go in for donky-bredin, in coarse that depends on o w mutch
tood cost Me to by Eddard a Angyleener. Meanwiles i ve the Satis-
faction to no i ve got a Ass of the Clarse A wan.

Ser, there's a nobel Lord, witch e goes About doin good and is
Delite is to perraoat the appiness of is feller ereters. Ser, i ope and
trust that are Nobelman Is at this momint injoyin the same appy
feelins as i Do consarnin is Donky. U, ser, recolex ow me and
others of our umbel but Useful Callin not long agoe presented a
testymonial in the Shape of a Moddle Donky to the Herl of Shaets-
bebry. It wosen't the Yalley of the gift at the time but so mutch
as that's Increesed it's bound to make is Lordshipp walley that
wallyable hanimle All the Moar. Ser i ope lord Shaetersbeeby's
donky is stil alive and kickin i was goin to Say, but Won't for
Hobvious Raisons.

Ser, a Ass that '11 fetch £300 or moar ain't one of them Asses yer
Nose so menny of yer'd like to By at yure Prize and Sel at their
home. Donkeys wot costs all that munny may old up their Eds
along with wot's inwidyus called that Noble hanimle the Oss, and
no more hojus caparisons. In coarse donkys will soon be road in
Rotting Ro, donky races won't be no more the wulgar things they
used to be thort, and in a yere or so there '11 be donky derbys and.
numarkets and goodoods. Mr. Punch, ser, i'm sure that most of
your uther Correspondents must feel theirselves particklarly flaterd
to find Donkys a lookin up so, besides your obegiant umbel survent,

WlLHAM coestee.

P.S. Ser, did yer hever see a Donkey with a nosebag on ? We
shal soon.

French. Polish.

Election, we all know, is a synonym for "choice;" but the French
language at election-time is anything but choice, as witness the
foul words which have been lately flung about by the Press of Paris.
What a nosegay of the strongest, if not sweetest flowers of speech
might be gathered in the columns of Le Pays ! Among the politest
nation in the world, what a pattern of politeness is M. Paul de
Cassagnac ! Certainly, whether meant to stir the people to revolt
or not, it cannot be denied that his language is revolting.

LIBERTY AND HER LOVERS.

Frenchman {ardently). I love thee !

Liberty {sadly). Neither wisely nor too well,

I fear.

Frenchman. Doubt from thy lips is doubly barbed !

Have I not proved my passion ?
Liberty. It may be;

But never yet thy faith. With thee I feel

As Marguerite o'er her blossom ; leaf by leaf

I pluck : "He loves me—nay, he loves me not."

But perfect love is perfect trust, and thou

Wouldst clasp, but canst not confidently cling,

Wouldst woo my smile, but darest not bravely share

Its benediction with the brotherhood

Of all who gaze upon the common sun.

Freedom is no man's mistress, but a Queen

Whom all true knightly hearts may purely serve

In self-forgetting love and loyalty.
Frenchman. But, Queen, they would betray thee ; they malign,

And have misjudged thee !
Liberty. 'Tis the general cry

Of every clamorous claimant for the right

To my most private and exclusive favours.
Frenchman. To slay the false Duessa is true service

To the right Sovereign.
Liberty. If each man's view,

Partial and purblind, of my changeless person,

Be a Duessa to all gazers else ;

If each hot champion of his own desire

Projected in my image fiercely tilt

Against all rival semblances, 'twill be

A spectral tourney, where the lists' true Queen

Sits lone as Aethue at his Table Round,

When all his fellowship of Knights had gone

To follow wandering fires.
Frenchman {hotly). The traitors !

Liberty {calmly). Ay!

But blindly so. And thou ?
Frenchman. I'd not betray thee

To buy Napoleon's glory.
Liberty. Then have faith ;

And fear not for thy neighbour or thy foe

The dower thou desirest; for my gifts

Are general largesse, not a straitened shower

For any private Goshen. Where they fall

They purify as surely as enrich.

I am my own best safeguard ; churlish stint,

Or fearful and suspicious portioning,

Foils the fruition full of Freedom's seed,

Whose husbandry is no man's private charge,

But the prerogative of Faith and Time.

TRIAL BY JURY; OR, HOW IT'S DONE!

The Jury then retired to consider their verdict.

******

Foreman. Well, Gentlemen, what shall it be ? For the Defendant
or the Plaintiff ? I say for the Plaintiff—damages £1000.

Number Two. Nonsense! you mean the Defendant. He was in
the right, and nothing shall make me give in if I stay here all night.

Number Three. Don't say that. Because I have a dinner-party
at seven!

Number Four. And I promised my wife to be back by six.
Number Five. I say ditto to Mr. Foreman. Only make it a
farthing damages. Nothing shall move me from that!
Number Six. Which was the Plaintiff ?

Number Seven. Why, the one who refused to pay the bill, don't
you know.

Number Eight. Lor' bless me, I thought he was the Defendant!

Number Nine. Come, Gentlemen, it's getting late. Make up
your minds. L don't care which you give it for; in fact I thought
both sid es in the wrong.

Number Ten. Did you ? I thought both sides in the right.

Number Eleven. It's no use talking. I tell you I mean to stick
to the Defendant.

Number Twelve. And I to the Plaintiff. Damages £1000. Not
a penny less, mind you, not a penny less !

Foreman. I see, Gentlemen, we must decide it in the usual way.
I will toss the shilling, if you will be good enough to cry Heads or
Tails.

******
The Jury returned after a few minutes' absence. Yerdict for the
Plaintiff—damages forty shillings.

VOL. LXXIII.

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