Punch (73.1877)

40

PUNCH, On THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

[August 4, 1877.

ferociously to the tune of " The British Grenadiers," after receiving
this douche from the first floor of the House of Lords ? The Pall Mall
Gazette, more wise, sees there is nothing for it hut to pack up the
big drum, and take to irony instead.

{Commons.)— The Chancellor of the Exchequer gave the same
answer as Lord Derby to an echo of Lord Granville's question
by the Marquis of Hartlngton. Again Punch asks, after this,
how can the Mouse be made out a Mammoth—except in Bombastes
Furioso fashion ? Ministers, be they never so many-minded, don't
go out of their way to fling dust in the eyes of both Lords and Com-
mons ; and if they say a thing—in two places, too, as the auctioneers'
phase is—they must be taken to mean it, diplomacy to the contrary
notwithstanding.

So Punch, perforce, concludes that the troops who have this week
embarked for Malta are not meant to garrison Gallipoli; and sings,
cheerfully,

" Conturbabantur Gallipoli—would-be— itani.
Prasproperabilibus sollicititudinibus.''

The Chancellor of the Exchequer having asked priority for
Government business on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Mr. Parnell
was of opinion that "the Government ought first to have stated
what Bills they meant to proceed with." Cool, rather, of Mr. Par-
nell, whose moves have nothing to do with the progress of Bills,
but the report thereof. Not satisfied with this piece of assurance,
Mr. P. went on to complain that '' Irish business had | been much
neglected, and the Scotch Prisons Bill not pushed on; that the House
was incapable of legislating for Ireland ; and that it should address
itself to the great problem before it, how business should be carried
on in future Sessions "—in other words, how Mr. Parnell is to
be muzzled. There is an assurance about this sort of talk from
Mr. Parnell that is perhaps even more exasperating than his obstruc-
tiveness.

Whalley's complaints are, at least, pathetic. He had thrice,
he moaned, brought forward The Priest in Absolution (really the
Member for Peterborough should keep better company), and had
thrice been Counted Out. He wound up with the awful threat
that—" if the same thing happened again, he would either throw up
his seat [great cheering), or hold it in abeyance, rather than act as
a sort of screen behind which the Government could carry on the
business of the country in an irregular manner." Poor dear Member
for Peterborough ! He, at least, has the Arcadian virtue of a sim-
plicity which redeems a silliness that at times seems superhuman.

Mr. Cowen recalled the House to common sense by pointing out
that its work had outgrown its machinery, and that the problem
before it was how to enlarge its horse [N.B., not any other animal]
power to meet the new demands on the old engine.

Then the Member for Dungarvan, envious of the prowess of Par-
nell, rushed into the fray, and complained of the "conduct of
Government in keeping Bills rolling about from week to week, and
having discussions on them night after night till they returned after
dinner "—meaning, apparently, the worse for liquor. This brought
up, as it well might, the decorous Beckett Denison to order. The
Speaker could not say the Honourable Member for Dungarvan was
out of order, though he was certainly trying very severely the
patience of the House. To this O'Donnell retorted—

" He was merely endeavouring to show that the Government were not
entitled to forbearance, particularly as they had given no promise that there
would be the slightest amendment in their conduct for the future, or that
they would cease to inflict on the House useless and irritating discussions.
For his own part, he should deem it to be his duty to coniinue to subject these
measures to as calm, as independent, and as deliberate criticism as if Hon.
Members were not in a hurry to repair to the shooting grounds throughout
the country. {Ones of ' Oh ! oh!')"

This was the straw that broke Mr. Chaplin's back. He sprang
up to protest.

"He had seldom witnessed anything more painful or more degrading than
the scene which had just been presented to the House. {Cheers.) He did
not rise to appeal to the good feeling of the Hon. Gentleman who spoke last,
or that of those with whom he was in the habit of acting. The Speaker,
whose mandates the Members of the House always treated with the greatest
respect, had appealed to their forbearance in vain, and an opportunity had
been afforded of seeing their stubbornness and their insensibility to every
sentiment and every feeling by which Gentlemen in that House were
actuated. {Cheers.)"

Thereupon Parnell called upon the Speaker for protection, and
soon wigs were on the green, sticks in the air, and coats trailing,
and the House, before it knew how, was in the thick of one of those
Donnybrook Fair skrimmages which have'made the week remark-
able.

The O'Donoghue protested, in the name of Ireland, against being
held responsible for the conduct of the three rowdy-obstructives.

The rest of the night was spent in Acts of humiliation of the
House and the Chancellor of the Exchequer over the Pigott
blunder. Nothing could well be more abject than Sir Staffobd's
apology, more unqualified than the House's recantation, or completer
than Lobd Beaconsfield's triumph. Pigott sits firmer in the

saddle of .his Controllership than if no attempt had ever been made
to shake him. If the Leader of the Government had schemed to
bring the Leader of the Commons on his marrow-bones he could not
have done it more effectually.

Tuesday {Lords).—Advancing Bills—a lesson to the_ Commons>
who would be in for a verdict of Guilty, if tried by their Peers on
indictment of waste (of time).

{Commons.)—On Motion for going into Committee on the South
African Bill, Sir George Campbell insisted on having it out in
black and white. He complained that the Bill handed over the
Darkeys of South Africa to its Whitey-browns. Mr. Fobsteb took
the opportunity of giving in his adhesion to the Annexation of
the Transvaal. Mr. E. Jenkins was graciously pleased to express
his approval of the Bill. The natural satisfaction this must have
given the Government was dashed by Mr. Parnell's decided
objection to the measure. Ireland wanted Federation, and couldn't
get it. The South African Colonies didn't want Confederation, and
so its machinery was thrust down their throats. Me. O'Donnell
followed on the same side, and succeeded in the course of a two-
hours' oratorical ramble in his favourite feat of exasperating the
House to madness, which found vent in repeated attempts at a
Count, but in vain—

" He held them with his glittering eye,
The hapless House sat still."

Me. Cowen by an excellent speech in favour of the Bill restored
the House to something like temper, which Mb. Courtney suc-
ceeded in dashing, but could not, quite destroy, by his captious
attack on every part of the measure. This Gentleman has in a
very short time contrived to produce a settled sense of irritation
in the House rarely reached with so little practice.

The Bill being at last got into Committee, Me. Biggae succeeded
in putting a stopper on it, and the Chancelloe of the Exchequee
—blocked as ^usual—was fain to report progress, when the House
went into Committee on the Irish County Court Bill. The Major
now took up the obstructive game, and. had the pleasure, with
Me. Biggae's aid, of dividing 147 to 1—thanks to the kind help of
Mb. Paenell, who, admitting that the Bill was one of great im-
portance to the people of Ireland, walked into the "Ayes" lobby,
"to save his honourable friends from having nobody to tell." In
spite of a warning from Mb. Callan, that this was too much even
for him, the same little game was repeated in a few minutes, Biggae
standing by the Major to tell and Parnell coming forward in
solitary sublimity to be told. Rather than risk a third performance
by the Triad, progress was reported, when Whalley rose to ease
his pent-up soul on The Priest in Absolution.

But this was too much for the sorely-tried House. The Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer, moved the previous question, and the
House let itself be Counted Out—in forgetfulness, no doubt, of the
consequence of which Whalley had given it fair warning the
night before. Let us hope he will not carry out his awful threat
of resigning. The House will be good!

Wednesday. — To-night the Irish imposthune which has been
swelling so long, came to a head, and burst over the South African
Bill. Punch, with all his lucidity, renounces the attempt to paint
the particulars of a row through which, in an atmosphere darkened
with gusts of altercation, objurgation, and recrimination, amidst wild
jumpings-up and sudden subsidings, the figures of Messes. Monk
and E. Jenkins, Paenell and O'Donnell, the Chairman of
Committee, and the Chancelloe of the Exchequee loom dimly
visible. Everybody seemed for some three-quarters of an hour to
be calling everybody to order, while somebody, from time to time,
might be heard moving that somebody else's words should be taken
down.

At last,.Me. Paenell, having declared the intense satisfaction he
felt in thwarting the intentions of Government, the Chancelloe of
the Exchequee moved that the words be taken down, and, this
done, put the.question that progress be reported, in order to report
the words to the House ; and the Speakee was called in to pour his
official oil,on the troubled sea of the Commons.

After being twice bearded by Biggae, he succeeded at last in
getting Paenell out of the House, while it sat upon his misdeeds ;
and then the House, in its natural wrath, backing its Leader in his
excusable exasperation, was only held back from the false step of
confounding Me. Pabnell's avowal of his satisfaction in thwarting
the Government with an announcement of a determination to obstruct
public business, by the calm wisdom of Whttbeead, which soon
found echoes in the good-humoured sense of Kjstatchbull-Hugessen,
and even the chivalrous impetuosity of the Seceetaey of Wae ; ".and
further proceeding in re Parnell was postponed till Friday.

This allowed the Honourable Member for Meath to resume his
place, and his practices. The rest of the afternoon was devoted to
intermezzi, in which defence of Parnell by O'Donnell alternated
with interludes of Biggar in defence of both, to the waste of another
day, though all we have between this and St. Grouse's axe all too
few for the business waiting to be dispatched.