Punch (73.1877)

AN INVESTMENT.

r —- Mammeti " W^ll, Tommy, what did Uncle Dives give you when -you went to see eim Yesterday ?"
Tommy. "He gave me a beauiifcl bright new Threepenny-Piece!"

Piqm. "And what are you going to ~di with ir?" Tommy, "I'm going to buy a Purse to put it in."

UN-ENGLISH ?

Penny Patriot. You '11 have to cut them, John.
John Bull. Cut whom ?

Penny Patriot. These men,

Who play the traitor's part with tongue and pen ;

The " Perish India" Pamphleteers who prate

Of caution when the foe is at the gate;

t These poor, un-English-

John Bull. Ah ! hold there, I pray.

On that same point I wish to have my say.

I like smart hits, hut not below the belt.

Un-English! That's a phrase with which they pelt

Men I have long been proud of. 'Tis a term

To make the blandest Briton writhe and squirm,

Sum of all shame, compendium of scorn,

A brand too sore and scathing to be borne

By any man of British blood.
Penny Patriot. 'Tis so !

In spite of party Cant, did I not know

JonN Bull was always true grit to the core ?
John Bull. But pray what means this term we both abhor ?
Penny Patriot. Shrinking from Patriotism's high behests,

And slighting our Imperial Interests.
John Bull. But who has earned it ?

Penny Patriot. Gladstone and his gang ;

Pro-Russian pests whom patriots fain would hang.
John Bull. Humph! Hardish words! Before I join the cry

I'd fain make'sure how fitly they apply.

Un-English! Is it " English " then to test

All Right by rule of England's interest ?
Penny Patriot. Her Interests are the World's !
John Bull. Why so I trust;

But only while she seeks the right and just:

And if ' tis English to erect our need

Into a general law, you'll scarce succeed

In Anglicising generous souls at home,
Much less abroad.

P( nny Patriot. I fear, John, you've become
Tainted with sentimentalism.

John Bull. _ Stuff!

To that stale charge I've listened quantum suff.
That polysyllable's the ready stone
Selfishness shies at sympathy. Big-blown
And blatant patriots pick such words to pelt
More loyal men whose larger hearts have felt
That high unselfish love of their own land
Which Chauvinism cannot understand.
Un-English, eh ? Is't English, then, to care
Less for our honour than our safety ? Dare
Only so far to follow freedom's flag,—
With help of arm, fair wTish, or money-bag,—
As to the point, close-measured to an inch,
Where our own interests feel the smallest pinch ?
Is't English to assume the double part,
That joins Bombastes1 bounce with Mawworm's art,
And brand the statesman of a purer strain
A craven cosmopolitan ? ' Tis gain
To be un-English then, and he's my man
Who dares play patriot on a nobler plan;
Who dares be just, fair, mindful of the right,
And only in clear quarrel prone to fight;
Loving of all earth's lands his own the best,
Yet honestly regardful of the rest;
Who lets not beam of wilful bias blind
His judgment frank and fair of all mankind ;
Nor seeks, with petty pelting pride upblown,
To mete all human interests by his own.
If that's un-English, then I hope, good friend,
John Bull will be un-English to the end.

[Exit Penny Patriot in extreme disgust.

Fellow Feeling.—Mr. Parnell "pitying the poor Boers."