Punch (73.1877)

August 18, 1877.] PUNCH, OE, THE LONDON CHAKIVARI. 65

ditions she has promised to observe; but, in any case, it is the
policy of Her Majesty's Government to maintain them.

There, John Bull, is your pillow for the recess, to sleep on with
both ears—stretch they never so widely.

(Commons.)—After a string of variorum questions, the Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer appealed to Mr. Bentinck to waive his
Eastern Question ; whereupon Whalley insisted on shoving in his
oar, and, after being twice pronounced disorderly by the Speaker,
was silenced under the new rule, without—as he afterwards, not
unreasonably complained—being " heard in explanation." So

" Order in disorder rooted stood,
And rules on rules were 'gainst rule overruled."

Mr. Parnell had another onslaught on the Expiring Laws. Why
won't he allow their H. I. P. to be quietly written in the usual
Continuing Act ? Like a lady's letter, the Session seems destined
to carry its sting in its tail. Here is Grant Duff, within a few
days of its finis, raising the question of Lord Lttton's doings
beyond our North-West frontier—the stationing of troops at Quettah,
267 miles in advance of our frontier line, the old advance-post of
the Indian Alarmists. Grant Duef, Lord Hartington, Sir
George Campbell, with Lord Lawrence, in another place, are all
of one mind, that our best Indian policy is one of " masterly inac-
tivity,"— Quieta—or if you like the reading Quetta—nonmovere?
and that "least said," or done, in Beloochistan, will be "soonest
mended."

Punch could have wished that either Lord G. Hamilton or Sir
Stafford Northcote, had found themselves able to disclaim
for Lord LsiTONany policy of the stirring kind, as distinctly
as they disclaim it for the Government. But both spoke with
the elaborate wordiness of men who had a great deal to hide.
" Khelat," ha.s a disagreeable likeness to " Celat" in the improved
pronunciation.

Friday {Lords).—The Amendment of the Metropolitan Street
Improvements' Bill objected to by the Commons was retracted, and
the interests of Lord Salisbury, with the assent of the Noble Lord
(who defended his agents, however) were sacrificed to those of the
Public.

Lord Derby, in answer to Lord Colchester, said that reports,
circulated by the Austrian Press, as to the policy of the British
Government respecting the partition of Turkey, were unfounded.
The British Lion is not waiting to take his share of Turkey.

[Commons.)—The Chancellor of the Exchequer, amid Minis-
terial cheering, declined to tell Mr. Monk whether or no the
Government intended to quarrel with Russia if Russian troops
should temporarily occupy Constantinople.

To the question, what steps the Education Department had taken
to protect the children in its schools against the Priest in Absolu-
tion, Lord Sandon gave Mr. Whalley a patient answer. The De-
partment could only enforce the Conscience Clause. Mr. Whalley
subsequently read an explanation of his conduct at the previous
sitting, and, later in the evening, rambled, amid the usual indica-
tions, on the influence and intrigues of /the Vatican and the Jesuits
in bringing on the Crimean War.

A little Bill reached a Third Reading, another passed through
Committee. There was more talk about Russia and Constantinople,
and the Destructive Insects Bill was read a Second time. Else,
nothing was done or said more memorable than the remarks of
Mr. Whalley.

The House in discussing the Sale of Food and Drugs Amendment
Bill was Counted Out at 1110. And so, as Mr. Pepys would say,
" betimes to bed."

SEASONABLE ADVERTISEMENTS.

TO LET, for Climbing, a SWISS PEAK. Never yet attempted,
and may be had for the Month or the Season. No view from the top.
No Alpine flora. What is not ice is granite. Avalanches regularly laid on.
A probability, almost amounting to a certainty, that one attempting the
ascent will break his neck and that of his Guide. Terms reasonable.— Address,
Alpenstock, Nomatterhorn, Switzerland.

WANTED, by a Gentleman intending to visit the chief Continental
Capitals, a Second-hand Suit of Check Tweeds, Three Red Flannel
Shirts, a Pair of Knickerbockers to match, and a serviceable Pair of Shooting
Boots.—Address, Free and Easy, Manners Street, Camden Town.

WANTED, by several Ladies who are about to travel, a knowledge of
the French and German Languages.

A Natural End.

The Kilkenny Cats lately had a Meeting on the tiles, to decide
who should be their head. They separated jwithout coming to a
conclusion. The only conclusion Kilkenny Cats come to, is not
"heads" but "tails."

LATE ON THE MOORS.

T

House of Commons used, of
yore,

Betimes to get the Session o'er,
Without postponement, heretofore,

A-going out a-shooting.
The'Twelfth of August saw the House
About the hills in quest of grouse.
Its Members then had too much nous
To let absurd Obstructives chouse

It out of time by

vain debate,
On useless motions

—idle,prate.
Which now has
kept them up
so late
From going out
a-shooting.

Chorus.

Punctually, upon

the day,
Casting politics

away,
Tramping o'er the
heather gay,
A-going out a-
shooting.

Although the corn was ripe and brown,
This year they had to stay in Town.
The grouse for them no bringing down!

No going out a-shooting I
Through six or seven determined bores,
Home-Rulers from Hibernia's shores,
They couldn't close St. Stephen's doors,
And cut away unto the moors.
There grouse were waiting to be shot,
But found they had a respite got;
For Members—Irish-bound—were not

A-going out a-shooting.

It seems an ominous event,

On August's Twelfth, when Parliament,

Has always joined, with one consent,

In going out a-shooting.
Perhaps the safety of the land
Might such a sacrifice demand.
But that perverse Hibernian band !
Your House should ne'er their nonsense stand.
If e'er they try it on again,
Be down upon them there and then,
And promptly let them know you 're men

A-going out a-shooting.

Barnum's Aphorisms.

Everything is a Mermaid that comes to my net.

Washington's Nurse was worth two Gorillas in the Bush.

A Poster in time saves nine out of it.

Make play while the run lasts.

You can fill a Silk Purse out of a Woolly Horse.

The uglier the Mon&ter the better the draw.

The more queer Birds of a Feather, the more the Public will flock
together.
Truth lies at the bottom of a Sell.
Do, or you will be done, by.

Note from 'Arry de Cockaigne.

"Some good catches of salmon" (the Globe lately informed us) "have
been made by the fishermen from Goole and the neighbourhood, owing to the
fact that neither grampuses nor porpoises have made their appearance in the
Ouse this week."

When our old Cockney friend, 'Arry, who is weak in aspirates
and spelling, read the above, he exclaimed, " My ! Fancy what a
lively place to live in, this 'ere, where they 'ave a grampus and a
porpus in the 'ouse every week ! My ! "

"Hung be the Heavens with"—White!— AIbd notanda dies.
August 9, The Wedding Day of the Lady Mayoress.