Punch (73.1877)

72

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVAKI.

[August IS, 1877.

A NEW " LILLIPUTIAN ODE."

Out of Town,
Turning brown—
Prince and Queen,
Curate, Dean,
Upper Ten,
Hard worked men,
Tailors, Earls,
Jaded girls,
Jones and Smith,
Kin and kith,
Spouses, "Wives,
Swarming hives,
Children, maids,
Buckets, spades,
Lasses, lads,

"Wise and stupid,
Mammon, Cupid,
Plain and pretty,
"West-End, City—
From the House
To the grouse,
From St. Paul's
To the Gauls,
From the Board
To the sward,
And the surf,
And the turf—
Every belle,
Every swell,

Shawls and plaids, Every lounger from Pall Mall.

Boxes, trunks,

Parsons, Monks,
Filling trains, and boats, and
bunks.

Gone away—
Cleric, lay,
Millionnaires,
Happy pairs,
Painters, proctors,
Lawyers, doctors,

Street and Square
Silent, bare,
Drive and Row
Dreary, slow,
Windows dark,
Empty Park,
Empty shops,
Vanished fops,
Gunter, Grange,
What a change !

Rhyl and Ryde,
Ambleside,
Alpine height,
Isle of Wight,
Ilfraeombe,
Erzeroum,
Margate, Malvern, and Khar-

HoWELL— J ames— •

Where your dames ?
Where the broughams,
And the grooms,
Kettledrums,
Wasted sums,
Escapades,
Wild canards,
And long dances with the ! toum !

Guards?

Youth and prime

What a flight
Day and night !
What a range
For a change !
Country Park,
Scarbro', Sark,
Country Eden,
Norway, Sweden,
Grousy moors,
Transvaal Boers,
Land o' Cakes,
Italian lakes,
Rhine and Rhone,
Blarney Stone,
German Spa,
Seat of War,

Tramp and climb,
Plunge and swim
In ocean's brim,
Fish and shoot
In tweed suit, _
Sketch and paint
Peasant, saint,
Promenade,
Gallopade,
Table d'hote,
(Try the goat),
Don't be stiff,
Never tiff,
Have few wants
In your jaunts,
And write often to your Aunts.

THE MEETING OF THE EMPERORS.

{From Mr. Punch's Own Extra Special Correspondent.)

Ischl, August 9, 1877.

The Empe-
rors of Ger-
MAxr and Aus-
tria met to-day.
No one was pre-
sent save Your
Own Corres-
pondent. I
managed to con-
ceal myself
without diffi-
culty. Ithought
it better to hide,
so that their
Majesties should
be able to con-
verse without
the embarrass-
ing presence of a

third party. The Emperors seemed to be in excellent health.
They wore mufti, with the exception of their head-gear. The
Emperor William had assumed an Austrian kepi, and the
Emperor Francis-Joseph a Prussian helmet. This mutual com-
pliment seemed to give pleasure to both, and their congratulations
to one another were at once hearty and merry. After the customary
salutations, the following important conversation took place :—

" Pleasant weather, Sire," said Francis-Joseph.
" Magnificent! " replied William.

Here there was a pause, and cigars were produced. After they
had been lighted, the Austrian asked, " All well at home, Sire ? "

The German pondered for a moment, and then answered heartily,
" Quite, thanks. Nothing wrong chez vous f "

" Nothing," returned Francis-Joseph, and then he added, with a
smile, " I see you are beginning to talk French again."

"Force of habit," said the elder Emperor. " I learned the lan-
guage as a boy, when I entered Paris for the first time."

" A propos—how is Bismarck ? "

" Enjoying himself. And Andrasst ? "

" Very well, I believe."

And then there was another long silence, The Austrian was the
first to speak.

" Have you heard from our Cousin Alexander lately ? "
" Not very lately. Have you ? "

The conversation now turned upon Berlin Sausages and Vienna
Beer. After these two topics had been very fully discussed, the
Emperor William observed, " By the way, you have nothing very
important to say to me ? "

The Austrian considered for nearly an hour, and answered slowly,
" No—not at present." Then, in turn, he asked, " And you, Sire,
have nothing very important to say to me P "

The Emperor William replied, briskly, " Just now—certainly not."

Then their Majesties smiled, and their left eyelids slightly drooped,
but immediately afterwards resumed their normal position.

" Good day, then. By the way, Bismarck sends kind regards to
Andrasst."

" And Andrasst wishes to be remembered to Bismarck. Adieu,
Sire."

" Au revoir! " replied William, and the meeting of the Emperors
was at an end.

I may add that all other reports you may receive of this interview
will be inaccurate, and concocted solely with the purpose of influ-
encing the quotations of the Stock Exchange.

CONFESSORS AND COUNTERFEITS.

Instead of playing at Mass, Ritualist Parsons should now and
then attend it—that is, if they would like to know what a real Mass
Priest thinks of them. Mr. Tooth, or Mr. Mackonochie, or indeed
Dr. Puset, in so far as he sides with the Priest in Absolution,
might all of them have been edified by a Sermon lately preached at
Liverpool by Monsignor Capel, an Ecclesiastic of an Order whom
Protestants, indeed, may accuse of casting dust in people's eyes,
but must, at least, recognise as the Original Dustmen. Had the
Dustmen of Ritualism had the advantage of hearing that discourse,
they would have heard themselves described by an authority, if
there is any in the world, on the subject of Auricular Confession, as
follows : —

" He said that men had arisen who had imitated the practices of the
Catholic Church—men who had pretended that they were Priests of God,
with sacrificial power, and that to them was gi?en the right of pronouncing
Absolution upon him who had sinned."

No doubt if Monsignor Capel did not by these "Men" mean
Ritualist Clergymen of the Church of England, he will hasten to
say so. Of course it will grieve him acutely to find that he has
been imagined to represent gentlemen whom he considers true
Priests as pretenders and heretics. But, then, whom did he mean
to disavow and repudiate when,

" He pointed out that while the Catholic Church gave authority for the
Confessional, those who had undertaken Confession in the Church of England
had no authority to do what they did, and were acting contrary to the
Thirty-Nine Articles by which they were bound. They said they were one
of the branches of the Catholic Church, but he protested against such a
statement. The Catholic Church had no relationship with, them."

"The Disowned" is a title under which, if not copyright, a
competent buffoon could write a religious novel of a more than
commonly comic nature. This might be a work which would bear
illustration capitally. The characters in it all taken from real life,
and delineated in their "vestments," could be represented as
jackdaws in peacocks' feathers, for instance, with effect and truth
which would doubtless be appreciated by Monsignor Capel, and
at least acknowledged by the whole of Christendom, both Roman
Catholic and Protestant; for the Ritualists themselves are the only
Denomination in the world who do not consider the sacerdotal
pretensions of Ritualist Father-Confessors humbug.