Punch (73.1877)

84

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 25, 1877.

complete the cast of a Burlesque Company, which is, at the present
moment, unequalled in London.

Our Boys, it is needless to say, is still going on at the Vaudeville,
and in these sad times of rumours of war it is refreshing to be certain
here, at all events, of a Lasting Piece. The vulgar, but occasionally
amusing farce adapted from Les Dominos Roses is yet being played
at the Criterion ; but, with the exception of the bills of fare, such as
they are, of the Princess's, the Globe, the Haymarket (under Me. Rowe,
who relies upon bis Brass), and tbe Alhambra, with the novelty of a
ballet exhibiting very brilliant and novel costumes, graceful group-
ings, and a dramatic story, there is little stirring just now in the
Theatrical World. Should any bright particular star shine, look for
an immediate report of the discovery from the observatory of

Your Representative.

NO PLUMS!

An Autumn Eclogue.

ScEWE—Sotnewhere in Kent. Present, Pomona, taking a somewhat
fruitless survey of a plum-orchard. z^To her enter Puer, read-
ing'the Gardeners' Chronicle. '% jj

Puer. I say, you know, such a sell is too bad !

Pomona. Can't help it, my dear lad.

Puer. What! you a goddess, and can't " square " the seasons ?

Pomona. There may be other reasons.

Puer. Walker! A nice look-out! No Apricots I

Pomona. Last season you had lots.

Puer. Can't live on last year's fruits. Then, scarce a Cherry!

Pomona. Spring winds were nipping, very.

Puer. Oh, blow the winds ! A paucity of peaches !

Pomona. The prospect patience teaches.

Puer. Gammon! Then Nectarines are non-existent I

Pomona. Boreas was so persistent.

Puer. Old Boreas is a bore, and you 're—a muff!

Pomona. Currants were quantum suff.

Puer. I say, no " shop." Latin in the Vacation!

Pomona. Excuse me a quotation!

Puer. It all comes beastly hard upon us fellows.

Pomona. A fine crop of Morellos-

Puer. Insult to injury. Worse than crabs or sloes.
Pomona. Goosegogs—you'd heaps of those.
Puer. But hang it, we 're to have no Apples. Fancy !
Pomona. Apples are always " chancey."
Puer. Look here, Pomona, no more larks nea-iTyear.
Pomona. I '11 do my best, no fear.
Puer. You and Vertumnus ought to square the orchard.
Pomona. If Phcebus will not scorch hard—
Puer. Even with plums and pears we'd be content.
Pomona. Well, you see Parliament—
Puer. Oh, one expects short-commons from the TorieF.
Pomona. O tempora ! O mores !

Puer. An autumn without fruit's a rummy season.

Pomona: Ills haunt a good plum season.

Puer. The deuce they do ! What do you mean by " ills ?"

Pomona. Stomachic pains and pills !

Puer. Just you send plums next year ; I '11 risk the rest—

Pomona. Well, well, I '11 do my best.

[Exit Pueb, munching an unripe windfall.

PONGO-ISMS.

His Humorous Objection.

Poo a Mr. Pongo caught a cold the other evening. His medical
attendant suggested gruel. This Ma. Pongo at once rejected.

"I cannot," he informed his Manager and Secretary, "I cannot
even appear to have a liking for anything of the caudal kind."

The gruel was not forced upon him, and the next morning Mr.
Pongo was better.

His Fellow-feeling.

Mr. Pongo was much interested at being told by an elderly Lady
that she had a Nephew in the Navy who was "a regular young
monkey." Being of a serious turn, Mr. Pongo at once consulted
his Chaplain-in-ordinary as to the propriety of instituting a series
of missions to the Young Monkeys in the Navy, commencing with
the Powder Monkeys.

His Liberal Views.

Mr. Pongo is much annoyed that the shilling paid for admission
to the Aquarium does not permit the visitor to make a call on him
without paying an extra fee of one or two shillings.

"Old. Bunkum Barnum was quite right," says Mr. Pongo,
emphatically. "This Exhibition ought to be thrown open for one
shilling. The shilling should comprehend all the amusements in
the place, and there should be no extra charges (except for a few
reserved seats), not even for programmes. This would make the
Aquarium, if the entertainment were first-class, the most popular
resort, whether for winter or summer, in the Metropolis."

Mr. Pongo is right. Now anything particularly worth seeing
within the Aquarium involves extra payment. This repels ordinary
pleasure-seekers ; and boys home for the holidays (the great patrons
of this style of amusement) would rather visit the Zoological or Poly-
technic (specially this latter place, where the one shilling covers a
multitude] of entertainments), than'waste their limited capital on
the "extras" of the Aquarium. The charge to see Mr. Pongo
"privately " is three shillings !! Mr. Pongo protests. Mr. Pongo
says he will accept any invitation to dinner, but this style of
interviewing him at three shillings a head, is too much for every-
body. Again Mr. Pongo is right.

To the Londesborough Collection the admission is conditional on
purchasing a Catalogue for sixpence! ! In fact, a visit to the
Aquarium, if the theatre be also included in the day's work, will
mulct the thoroughgoing first-class holiday-maker of half a
sovereign at least. "This," as Mr. Pongo says, "should be seen
to and altered before the Winter Season commences." And again
Mr. Pongo is right.

"THE YEAR ONE."

Everybody nearly knows that Geology has proved Mother Earth
to be an immensely older lady than her sons, until lately, ever
imagined. They, themselves also, from an Address lately delivered
to the Geological Section of the Associated Sages at Plymouth, by
Mr. Pengelly, F.A.S., on " Cavern Exploration in Devonshire,"
appear to have been in existence, as a race, at a date incalculably
long ago; one race having preceded the Hyaena amongst the inhabi-
tants of this island, and another having been previously CJntem-
poraries of the Cave Bear ; the two races, troglodytes both, having
been " separated by a wide interval of time "—a width of ages. A
dim idea of the antiquity of Man may be derived from the statement
that—

" The entrances of Brixbam Cavern were completely filled up, and its his-
tory suspended not later than the end of the palaeolithic era. Nothing
occurred within it from the days when Devonshire was occupied hy the cave
and grizzly bears, reindeer, rhinoceros, cave lion, mammoth, and man, whose
be^t tools were unpolished flints, until the quarryman broke into it early in
A.D. 1858."

At some future meeting of the British Association, a lecture
delivered by some eminent Geologist will perhaps supply data for
the construction of a Prehistoric Chronology. A.D. and B.C. com-
prise eras of almost momentary duration in comparison with the
geologically conjectured age of this planet. The " palaeolithic era "
was preceded by we know not how many other eras B.P.E., and who
dares venture to suggest the figure which ought to be assigned for
the veritable A.M. ?