Punch (73.1877)

156

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

[October 6, 1877.

HOW MOSSOO SHOT THE COCK-PHEASANT.

The Gamekeeper's Story.

He were a sort o' Frenchman, Sir,

And called hisself a Duck: _
I never could make head or tail

0' that there furrin muck !
He came to stay wi' Master there,

And brought his guns and that—
But bless you, Sir ! he could na' shoot,

No more than this here hat!

The Master and the Frenchman went

To shoot the Spinney-Kivver,
What reaches from the stable-wall

Right down to that there river.
A rocketing cock flew up at wunst,

And Mossoo he fired, and missed—
How he did swear, and tear his hair,

And shake his little fist!

The way that Mossoo danced about,

It really were a sight!
He'd grin, and pull his be'rd; and shout

And screech with all his might.
He wore a thing across his nose

Just like a kind o' shear :
I think he said he were "my hop"—

Which means his sight were near.

Mossoo he yelled, " I see him zere,

Upon ze stable top! "
With that he banged off right and left—

I seed a summat drop ;
I ran to pick up that there bird;

And 'neath the stable-clock
I found it sure enow—it were

Our new gilt Weather-Cock!

MILITARY AND MENIAL SERVICE.

Officers of rank in the Army may have
had their attention directed by imperti-
nent buffoons to the following advertise-
ment extracted from the Western Daily
Press:—

O ERVANTS' REGISTRY, Railway Viaduct,
O Victoria Street, Bristol.—Wanted, good
Generals, Cooks, Housemaids, &c. Disengaged,
all kinds.

It has also perhaps been remarked that
the above announcement suggests the idea
of a new United Service Club, the services
respectively being the Military and the
Domestic, and the Members of the Club
belonging to both, or serving in the former,
and wishing also to serve in the latter.
Some may have asked the question whether
Admirals as well a3 Generals are eligible
for situations in which the shoulderknot
would replace the epaulet, and part of the
uniform consist of plush. Others, pos-
sibly, have pointed out that the Russians,
if not the Turks also, are very much like
the parties on whose behalf it is notified
that they want good Generals.

Wanted, a Magnanimous
Millionnaire.

Here is something rather worth ex-
tracting from a Number of the Cologne
Gazette :—

IS there a magnanimous, rich, and lone
Gentleman who would be willing to give to
a young and beautiful Bride, who belongs to the
best circles of society, the yearly interest of a
capital of 30 — 40,000 florins Austrian Currency,
to enable her to marry the man of her choice, one
of the best and most noble of his sex ? Please
address " Hermence V. M.," care of Messrs.
Haasenstein & Yoglers, Advertising Agency,
Frankfort-on-the-Main.

There may be such a "magnanimous,
rich, and lone Gentleman" among Punch's
readers. If not, we are at a loss to imagine
where our dear, interesting " Hermence"
is likely to find one.

WONDERS OF THE WORLD ABROAD.

Wonder whether, in a dozen years or so, it will be possible in
Europe to find a nook or corner uninvaded by Cook's Couponists.

Wonder when French innkeepers will learn to hang a looking-
glass so that you can see to shave, or even brush your hair at it.

Wonder when you '11 see a salt-spoon at a table-d'hote, or get a
really hot plate handed for your mutton.

Wonder if, say in a century, foreign newspapers will ever grow
to be as big as British.

Wonder when upon the Continent the rule will be observed of
rigidly not smoking in the face of Ladies travelling.

Wonder in what age of progress foreign politesse will equal hearty
English-born politeness.

Wonder when, among the other marvels of his Cookery, a Paris
chef will serve you with a really tender steak, without a smack of
cow or horse in it.

Wonder when it will occur to the mind of our cheap-trippers that
churches on the Continent are not erected simply to be stalked about
and stared at.

Wonder in what age of advancing civilisation civility may be
expected from a railway guard in Germany.

Wonder when French editors will think it worth their while to
print fresh foreign news in lieu of stale jokes and small twaddle.

Wonder when the Coming Man, while travelling abroad, will get
a towel larger than a napkin for his bath, or find a bit of soap put,
gratis, on his washing-stand.

Wonder when our peasants, and our parlour-maidens likewise,
will learn to dress as neatly as their sisters on the Continent.

Wonder when Americans will cease to say " Amurrka," and will
speak of the French capital otherwise than as " Parrhus."

Wonder when it will be possible on any foreign railway, without
the fear of being scowled at as a dastardly assassin, to pull the
window down to save yourself from certain suffocation.

Wonder how long tourists who come from a free country will
submit to pay a franc for a farthingsworth of bed-candle.

AVonder when the French, who are so clever with their salads,
will learn that it is sin to serve a rosbif without horse-radish.

Wonder whether in the present age of progress, when Temple Bar
is doomed to death, and other cherished institutions are marked
down for destruction, Old Parr, were he still living, might ration-
ally hope for such extension of longevity as would enable him
to live to congratulate himself upon the universal abolition of the
Pourboire.

And—most amazing Wonder of them all—

Wonder when the British Nation will be suffered to possess such
a public building as the Louvre, and be allowed to see its pictures
after church-time on a Sunday.

Crew and Cargo.

_ According to a Lloyd's Telegram in an evening paper, announ-
cing the destruction by fire at sea of the ship Diego, bound from
New York for Liverpool:—

" The crew of the Diego consisted of 399 bales of cotton, 21,078 bushels of
wheat, 1,038 barrels of flour, 710,270 lbs. bacon, 183,768 lbs. lard, and 308
hogsheads of tobacco, &c."

It is too much to be feared that a previous statement that the
Diego had. been abandoned, and that "the crew were rescued by
the Arklow," is not exactly reconcileable with the foregoing accotmt
of them. How did they walk off ?

Celebrities and Statesmen.

Of Lord Beaconsfield and Mr. Gladstone, compared with one
another, it may be affirmed that if the Premier has gained the
greater distinction as a literary man, the ex-Premier is the more
distinctly a man of letters.