Punch (73.1877)

182

[OerohEK 27, 1877.

t !

WHEN WE 'RE IN ROME " &c.

GENT, NOT GERMAN.

Old Cockalorum, Punch,

Me and Charley avin jest re-
turned from our trip to the Continent, was
disgusted at appenin to read the following
story in a newspaper Correspondent's letter
the other day from E,ome :—

"A numerous party of German tourists were
lionising the Capitol yesterday under the Mentor-
ship of a venerable white-haired cicerone, when
one of their number climbed on the base of the
equestrian statue of Marcus Aurelius, and was
proceeding to take a seat behind the .emperor on
the ample quarters of his bronze steed, when the
Capitoline guard on duty requested him to dis-
mount, observing that he had only to render him-
self as famous as Marcus Aurelius to enjoy a
similar monumental seat in his own country."

As if are a German tourist, or any other
muff of a forrener, could ave the self-reli-
ance and sperrit to he up to the feet of
climbin that moniment with the Latin
name, and tryin to set the oss. In course
you'd suppose the only feller capable of
doin of it was a English gent—as was the
fact. The party a lionisin the day it was
done was no Germans, not they, but a livelier
lot, rayther. Along with me and Charley,
and other pals, we was all feller-country-
men ; and allow me, tho' peraps I needn't,
to inform you oo distinguished hisself by
the act of darin for which e got com-
plimented by the century. It was me. 'Im
you do the honner of sometimes callin the
irrepressable and ubiquitus " 'Arry ; " and
which I sign myself

Yours truly,

'Aery Ioyee.

P.S.—Unfortnitly I wasn't aloud to re-
main on the moniment and cut out my
name, as I meant if I ad ad time to, on
the oss or the rider, as a Record for Pors-
terity. But there's lots of istorical moni-
ments, andivmanes, and walls, and eddiiises
elsewere.

STATISTICS AND SWILL.

Sir "Wilfrid Lawson's belief that paternal legislation of 'the
Permissive Prohibitory kind is wise, may possibly have been a little
shaken by the sensible speech delivered the other day in the Free
Trade Hall at Manchester, to some members of the Church of
England Temperance Society, by the Duke of Westminster. In
that rational address, counter-attractions to the public-house, such
as reading-rooms, working men's clubs, and places of refreshment
specifically unintoxicating, were pointed to as preferable, in tl e
interests of sobriety, to tyrannous restriction.

Doctrine suitable this to a Free Trade Hall. Is Free Trade in
liquor compatible with Protection from it? What good may be
expected of the latter, fussy fanatics can see if they choose to, and
are not blind, from some statistics cited in the House of Commons
during the discussion of the Licensing Act, tending to show that
in places where public-houses are the most numerous there is the least
drunkenness. The more public-houses, then, the more sober, if not
the merrier, the population. But is not this just what a philosopher
who understands human nature, would expect ? Jolly companions
are notoriously mutual promoters of that excess of liquor which
augments jollification, until it begins to produce the stupidity in
which it ends. As to most other people, when they congregate,
they dispose one another to drink the more in order to raise their
spirits, which need stimulation to enable them to endure one
another's society. The more numerous the public-houses, the fewer
of their frequenters would be gathered together in each. The less
debate there would be about politics and theology, on which subjects,
and especially the latter one, your argument is very much conducive
to your getting " half-seas over," and sometimes all the way. As
to publicans and sinners, and sinners whom publicans give occasion
to sin, should not the maxim of Temperance's temperate friends,
then, be "Divide et irnpera1' f If this is not logic, does it not,
at least, look something like it P

Beyond the Power of the Police.—The Channel Rough.

THE TOURIST'S BAROMETER.
(liead on the Channel.)
Splendid Weather. 11 never mind the sea myself. The rougher for

Yery Fine.
Fine.

Moderate.
Sea slight.

Rather Rough.

Rough.
Yery Rough.

me the better. Have a cigar ?
One certainly does feel that only Englishmen
can be sailors. Somehow or other they take
naturally to the sea—now, don't they ?
Yes. I always come by Folkestone. I never
could see the use of the Castalia. We are
not Foreigners, you know. Most of us have
our sea-legs. Eh ?
Yes. Perhaps a little brandy-and-water would

be a good thing.
The very roughest passage I remember. But I
am an excellent sailor. Still would you mind
putting out that cigar ?
It's simply disgraceful. The Castalia ought
to be established by Act of Parliament.
Shall write to the Times I shall go down
below—-to think about it !
Oh ! Here, somebody ! Will it be more—than
five minutes ? Oh ! oh ! oh!

(Far too dreadful for description.)

A Spelling-Book for Scotland.

There has been little agitation in Scotland, but there is some
room, for orthographical reform. A Gentleman writes from Edin-
burgh, and asks, "Did the Swan of Avon wear a Cygnet ring ?''
What a question to be propounded by a citizen of the Scottish
capital! The man who, as Dr. Johnson used to say, spells the
synonym of a seal-manual "Cygnet," and inquires if Shaespeare
wore a Cygnet ring, might as sensibly likewise request to be
informed whether Scott's father was a Writer to the Cygnet. It is,
perhaps, desirable that the " Spelling Bee " should be resuscitated
for the benefit of Auld Reekie.