Punch (73.1877)

November 10, 1877.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 207

STRANGE EFFECT OF SEA-AIR.

Mrs. Jones. " Dear me, Mr. Buown, i thought you were at the Sea-Side with Mes. Brown and the Children ! How

are they ? "

Brovrn (who had evidently leen lunching at his Club). " Fam'lyshwell, bur ah dubro wharitish, thebesh shomethin' i' the she

air doshllt sheem t' shuit me !—allays feel ourashortsh af'er dinner—p'raps FlSH DlET—prap3h—durro !"

[Mrs. J. had by this time discovered his condition, and makes off hastily.

Service. If lie talks about our Iron-clads, lie will not describe
the many modes we have of losing them.

The Civilian who returns thanks for " the Volunteers" will say-
nothing about the bribes offered to recruits in the shape of gratis
suppers and new uniforms. He will not talk of the Easter Review
as a farce, or the Wimbledon Encampment as a pic-nic. If he re-
fers to the patriotism of the force, he will say nothing about its
discipline.

The Ambassador who returns thanks for " the Diplomatic Corps "
will be careful to avoid any allusion to the Constantinople Confer-
ence. If he praises the Russians he will not neglect to applaud the
Turks. "While admitting the blessings of peace, he will not forget
to insist on the great benefits accruing from intervention.

The Minister who returns thanks for " the Cabinet" will care-
fully avoid any allusion to British Interests, and will ignore a certain
speech addressed to the Lord Mayor exactly a year ago. He will
not boast of the results of the last Session, and will say as little as
possible about the intentions of his colleagues. He will not attempt
to explain the sudden departure of a handful of soldiers for Malta,
and will ignore the geographical position of Gallipoli.

The Peer who returns thanks for "the House of Lords" will
courteously refrain from making any allusion to the proceedings of
the House of Commons.

The Member who returns thanks for " the Third Estate " will not
boast of the " scenes" that disgraced the last Session. He will not
attempt to prove that " work " is more popular than " talk" in the
Lower Chamber. He will keep a discreet silence about Messrs.
Biggar, Parnell, and the other ornaments of the Party of Obstruc-
tion, and will strive to forget the humiliating Present in the glorious
Past.

The Lawyer who returns thanks for "the Bench and the Bar"
will say nothing about Trial by Mob as an excellent substitute for
Trial by Jury. He will Dot insist upon the great saving of time
resulting from long preliminary investigations before the Police

Magistrates. He will not enter into the question of the differences
of opinion between the Lord Chancellor and the Lord Chief
Baron, and he will reserve his congratulations upon the completion
of the Law Courts for some future occasion.

The Gentleman who returns thanks for " the Ladies " will make
no allusion to the females who patronise the Theatre Royal Old
Bailey.

And, lastly, the Shameless Libeller who rises to abuse Mr.
Punch, will not dare to utter a single syllable. N.B.—The " Shame-
less Libeller" is an imaginary character, invented to bring the
article to a genial conclusion.

IS LIFE WORTH LIVING?

"A propos of Mr. W. H. Malloch's Article on this subject in the
Nineteenth Century last month, the following replies have b€en
received by Mr. Punch :—

Mr. Gladstone, writing from Ireland, says No, with three
Special Correspondents dogging one's footsteps, and a Reporter in
the disguise of a footman behind one's chair at dinner.

Cleopatra's Needle, adrift in the Bay of Biscay, is doubtful; it
does not like such treatment at its time of life.

La Marjolaine, at the Royalty, cannot make up her mind ; English
taste is so vitiated by a course of high class drama.

Mr. Octavius Spender says it depends on how much longer his
Oxford tailor will wait, and on whether he can get his cousins to
oome up to next Commemoration.

Miss Nerissa says decidedly No, while Mr. George stares so
shockingly at her sister Alice all through the sermon on Sunday
mornings.

Mr. Punch says Rather, as he thinks of all the Young Ladies he
met in his Autumn Vacation, and whose Pictures will adorn his
Almanack for 1878.