Punch (73.1877)

Januaby 5, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 303

Punch fain would hope, in common gain
To her whom they both serve, may issue.

May'both those wreaths still intertwine
Bk_tannia's brow, and bloom upon her :

For one of safety is the sign,
The other is the crown of honour.

Here Euss and Turk, whilst Yule-bells chime,

Pull angrily in hostile fashion.
Alas, that at this holy time

Religious zeal means ruthless passion!
But see the olive-branch and scales I

May their fair omen find fulfilling.
Where Justice potently prevails,

Peace is a handmaid prompt and willing.

France and her Marshal foot to foot

Tug hotly ; they should pull together.
France wins! May Freedom's tree take root,

All winds defy, all tempests weather.
The Phrygian Cap ! Who dreads it now,

Save foes to Liberty and Progress ?
France fits it calmly on her brow,

And fears„no more the blood-stained ogress.

Priest pulls 'gainst priest. A sorry sight

That little fits the genial season.
Punch bids them heed the rule of right,

And listen to the voice of reason,
Or bonds will snap ne'er to reknit,

Like New Year's crackers rent asunder;
And a Fool's cap be found to fit

The heads of all these sons of thunder.

Labour and Capital at strife,

Tug, till Trade's vital ties seem riven.
A foolish fight! War to the knife

Is not the watchword sense had given.
Make friends, or wealth may flee our land ;

Hard times with every strain grow harder.
Two symbols all should understand,

A leaking purse, an empty larder !

Fool Fashion pulls 'gainst Common Sense ;

In so-called Science "ism" 'gainst " ism."
While ignorance, purblind or dense,

Leads the wild dance of school and schism.
So Punch, the sage, whose mirthful page,

Ranks him with Reason's stoutest backers,
Commends to a discordant age

The morals of his New Year's Crackers.

"the state of public feeling."

REASONS FOR THE EARLY MEETING OF
PARLIAMENT.

Because England may find it necessary forthwith to
despatch an ultimatum to Russia.

Because England is anxious to utter a distinct reitera-
tion of her neutral policy.

Because England purposes the immediate annexation
of Egypt.

Because England wishes to reassure the Khedive
against reported intentions of aggression in his realm.

Because Lord Beaconsfield wishes to open the way
to his contemplated resignation.

Because Lord Beaconsfield intends to lay down a
more vigorous line of action for the Government.

Because Austria has expressed her determination to
go hand and glove with England.

Because Austria has revealed herself as the uncom-
promising ally of Russia.

Because India is in danger.

Because it is necessary to prove that India was never
safer than at the present time.

Because it will annoy Prince Bismabck.

Because it will relieve Prince Bismarck of an over-
whelming sense of responsibility.

Because the Militia can be called out at once.

Because we are so thoroughly secure, thanks to our
Volunteer Forces.

Because Lord Beaconsfield likes surprises, and no one
expected it.

Because Lord Beaconsfield has such perfect con-
fidence in the nation, and everybody was anxiously
waiting for the announcement.

And lastly, because Mr. Punch, after mature de-
liberation, thought—but stop, this is divulging a Cabinet
secret.

MlU^~ |j[.r= overnment not having deigned ex-

f|§F^ BaP^ planation of the early re-assembling

||§|r of Parliament, Mr. Punch hastens

to allay anxiety by stating the real
motive.

Immediately upon the opening of the Session, the Government, anxious to
gauge public opinion on the Eastern Question, intend to propose a Select Com-
mittee to ascertain the opinions of those " who know all about it." These
persons will not be sought in Parliament itself, but in a select circle of London
Clubs, drawing-rooms, and newspaper-offices. The Committee will examine
and report on the opinions of the loudest of the witnesses. Specimens of the
evidence likely to be produced are given by anticipation :—

The Hon. Noodle Fitznoodle, examined:—" Am in favour of the Turks,
and hate the Russians. Why ? Well—really—you know—the Turks are such
gentlemen, and the Russians are such blackguards. Oh, yes, have heard of the
Bulgarian atrocities. Never believed in them much. Had a sort of idea they
were got up by that fellow Gladstone, don't you know, because he wanted to
make a row of some sort. Yes, 'political capital,'—just so; that's what I
mean. No, I don't exactly accuse him of inventing the massacres. You're so
sharp—take a fellow up so. Well, I dare say the Bulgarians massacred a few
Turks, and then the Turks massacred a few Bulgarians, and then Gladstone
said it was all the fault of the Turks ; that's my notion. Dare say the Bul-
garians deserved massacring ; dare say they are a low Radical lot—Communists
—that sort of thing—don't you know ? No, have never read any history ; don't
seem to care for it much ; don't read newspapers much, either. Have a general
sort of idea that a Russian is a savage, eats tallow-candles, kills Poles wherever
they come across him, and flogs people who won't go to his church. Am rather
tired of answering questions ; makes one so confoundedly dry, don't you
know ? " , ,

Colonel Slasher (late of the Forty-First Smashers).—" Was never asked to
give reasons for my opinions before; think it rather impertinent to ask my
reasons for advocating war. Am told the Russians want to take Gibraltar, or
India, or some place. Don't know the distance between Ears and Calcutta;
should say about a hundred miles, perhaps more. My advice is, send our fleet
to Constantinople ; land a few thousand men ; occupy Bulgaria and Armenia,
and then the job's done—nothing plainer. Don't know anything about our
Transport Service. Allies? No, never thought of them; am not^aware that
we have no allies, and don't see why we need any, if we haven't. Loss of
livesP Well, what is the good of soldiers if they can't fight? Sacrifice
myself? Oh! I'm revired, or should be happy; must stay at home to keep
up popular enthusiasm—British prowess—all that sort of thing. Why, it
would be something to come down to the Club for—something to talk about;
no excitement in life now." n

Mr. Leo Rampant.—'4 Am a rising politician, and a writer of Leading Articles.
Am considered rather .in authority on the Eastern Question. Give Russia a

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