Punch (78.1880)

48

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January 31, 1880.

CHLORAL.

(In Tivo Lights—the Blue and the True.)

hloral! of blue-blood the
bluest,

Alcohol’s and Chlo-
rine’s daughter,
Youth and beauty that
renewest,

Night’s long watches
making shorter.
Blithely raise a paian
choral

Round thy fount of
blessings, Chloral!

Toss no more in vigils
lengthy,

Sigh no more for day-
light’s peeping;
Sweet and soft falls thy
nepenthe,

In its calm worn spirits
steeping.

Truly “ Amor vincit om-
nia”

Chloral’s love can cure
Insomnia !

(P.T.O.)

Chloral! spawn of depths abysmal,

Spring of restlessness and raving,

Fancies sick and visions dismal—

Source of still insatiate craving.

When the once-blest light auroral
Breaks thy feverish spell, oh Chloral,

Comes Reaction’s Nemesis,

And the soul in Tophet sinking,

Woos again thy fatal kiss—

Woos, and ends in endless drinking,

Till to the unplumbed abysm
Sink thy victims, Chloralism !

MIND YOU DON’T BURN YOUR FINGERS.

As the Metropolitan Fire Brigade is a deserving body, and as any
Charity using its name, whether colourably or honestly, is very
likely to be met with open hand and purse, it may be well for Punch
to give the benefit of his publicity to a cautionary paper which has
been put into his hands, warning the public against applications in
a name that may easily be mistaken for that of the Metropolitan
Fire Brigade. The circular is pithily couched, thus :—

“London and Suburban Fire Brigade and Disabled Firemen’s
Relief and Pension Association. Office: East Temple Chambers,
Whitefriars, E.C.—It is not necessary to caution the Public against sub-
scribing to tho above, when they see the Working Committee, Secretary,
Treasurer, Captain, Collector, List of Pensioners, &c., &c. ; but they can see
for themselves whether it is worthy of support. I will give you a list of the
above : — Secretary—Samuel Simson Seccombe. Treasurer—Samuel

Simson Seccombe. Sole Committee—Samuel Simson Seccombe. Sole
Pensioner's)—Samuel Simson Seccombe. Captain of Brigade—Samuel
Simson Seccombe. Collector — Samuel Simson Seccombe. Private
Address, 41, Hill Street, Peckham.—There is no such Fire Brigade in exist-
ence. There is no such Pension Association in existence. There is no such
Committee, excepting S. S. Seccombe. There are no such Pensioners, ex-
cepting S. S. Seccombe. Two men have had three months’ imprisonment
for collecting for the above Shams.—For further particulars apply at any
Metropolitan Fire Station, or any branch of the Charity Organisation
Society.”

WHO ’D HAV*E THOUGHT OF SEEING HIM ?

In tbe first rank of the Committee of Management of “ The House-
holders’ Pure Milk Supply ” Association, stands the name of our old
friend “ Simpson ! ” Simpson, who has so often milked the cow with
the iron tail, that in the language of the milk-walk he has become
identified with the animal! Simpson = Pump !

A Householders’ Pure Milk Supply Association, with “Simpson”
in the forefront of it, reminds Punch of the old Scotch story—it is
Scandinavian too—of the farmer and his family who were changing
their abode to escape a “bogie”—“What, you’re flitting ? ” asked
a neighbour, meeting the cart, loaded with their “ sticks.” “Yes,
wo ’re flitting,” answered the family ghost from inside the churn.

So “Simpson” seems to speak out of the pail of the “House-
holders’ Pure Milk Supply Association.” Let us hope the Association
will not prove the old farce, “Simpson & Co.” in another dress I

A NEW VIEW OF THE NEW REGISTRAR-
GENERAL.

Mr. Punch,

It has been said that the only qualification which Sir
Brydges Henniker possesses for the post to which he has recently
been appointed by the Prime Minister is that he is a well-connected
baronet. This is one of those half truths which are often more mis-
leading and more injurious to those whom they concern than delibe-
rate misstatements. It is no doubt true—and you may make the
most of it—that the Registrar-General comes of an old family, and
that the Postmaster-General takes a fraternal interest in him. For
the matter of that, you and I are of ancient lineage, and you, at any
rate., excite more interest every week in the minds of Her Majesty’s
Ministers than any number of well-connected baronets can hope to
do during their collective lifetimes. But Sir Brydges has claims
on the Conservative Party such as you and I will never have.

Your memory is so retentive that it is hardly necessary that I
should remind you of his connection with the Felstead affair. Mr.
Grignon had for many years been notorious throughout the country,
not merely as a Radical schoolmaster, but as what was far worse, a
successful one. It is painful to think of the number of ingenuous
lads, many of them the sons of Conservative parents, whom he im-
bued in his time with revolutionary principles. You will remember
the short work which was made of him by Sir Brydges sitting
as Chairman with his compact little body of true-blue co-trustees.
They did their duty thoroughly on that occasion; and no English
Gentleman of proper feelings will grudge Sir Brydges his reward
for the Spartan firmness with which then as now he disregarded
the impotent outcry of his victim and his sympathisers, ,and the
venomous abuse of the Radical Press. And do you think, Sir,
that Lord Beaconsfield forgets these things ?

Of all parts of the body-politic there is none in which the reten-
tion of a Conservative spirit is more absolutely necessary than in the
Civil.Service. Of late years, I regret to say, there have not been
wanting symptoms that all is not as it should be in it. For some
time'pust there have been mutterings, more or less indistinct, at the
appointments more or less numerous of young gentlemen more or
less well connected and deserving more or less light and lucrative
non-competitive appointments in the majority of our public offices.
This sort of thing, Sir, must be put down with a strong hand.
Clerks must he taught to know their places, and to keep their months
shut. And, trust me, the military training of Sir Brydges Hen-
niker will stand him in good stead in dealing with this class of
persons. I shall be much surprised if he does not very soon read one
or two of them a lesson they will not readily forget, if they try to
come any of Mr. Grignon’s tricks over him.

You may depend upon it, that in putting him at the head of an
important Government Department, those who are responsible for
his appointment have for once got the right man in the right place.
And so say his Sisters, and his Cousins, and his Aunts, as well as
yours truly,

A Thorough-going and Well-Connected Tory.

Extra-Parliamentary Utterances.

( William's Light on them.)

“ To see this age !—A sentence is but a cheveril glove to a good wit; how
quickly the wrong side may be turned outward! ”

Twelfth Night, Act HI. 8. 1.

“A LESSON OUT OF THE MANCHESTER SCHOOL.”

[Punch has much pleasure in publishing this fair and temperate
correction of an error into which he unwittingly fell.]

To the Editor of Punch.

Sir,—Although only a Publican, I feel certain that you will not
refuse to read, if you do not insert, a word or two anent the above
article. In it yon say :—

“ In the eleven Sundays on which the Gallery of the Institution has been
open, 51,078 persons have visited it, most of them of the class to whom the
Public is the only available Sunday recreation between two and five, hours
during which Public-houses are op«u, and Churches closed.”

Now, the latter part of this remark is not strictly correct. The
Act obliges us to close at three o’clock, and re-open at six. There is
but little difference in the Provinces in respect of these hours.

We are, Sir, a much-maligned class; but, at the same time, we
know we have your countenance, if only we manage our houses in
the way they should he managed.

To the movement for the opening of Picture-Galleries on Sunday
I wish the utmost possible success. Yours,

A Manchester Bung.