DOI Heft:
March 20, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0137
1:
March 20, I88C0]
PUNCH, UK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Old Lady (to Eminent Physician). “ Tell me, Doctor, what do tod consider the most important Rule of all for Health ? ”
Doctor (whose ideas run much on the hygienic properties of Soils and Air, &c.). “ Mr dear Madam—always live on Gravel.”
Old Lady (whose thoughts take a more gastronomic turn). *‘ Oh, Doctor ! I’m sure I couldn’t Digest it ! ! ”
domestic legislation, accumulating deficits, postponing obligations,
■humbugging interests, and increasing burdens.
Such, according to tbe views of Lords B. and H. respectively,
being the monstrous treatment and melancholy prospects of poor
Britannia at tbe hands of the Outs and Ins, it really seems very
little odds how the next month’s struggle may end. Whichever
ccfmes head (according to the one) she can’t win, and whichever turns
tail, according to the other, she must lose.
Punch can only hope and pray that all is not yet quite so U.P.
with J. B., as the Whig and Tory oracles proclaim ; that life may be
still worth living with Lord B. in office ; and that Domestic Legisla-
tion and Foreign Policy, Country and Colonies, Church and State,
Army and Navy, will not have to go straightway to the dogs under
the lead of Lord Hartington. Let Britannia cling to the comfort
that whichever way the fight may fall out, there will still be
“ A sweet little cherub that sits up aloft
To keep watch for the life of poor John ; ”
which his name is—no—modestly forbids our putting it in full; but
we will only say it begins with P., and it ain’t Pall Mall. In the
meantime the Essence of Parliament has evaporated, even as the
wind of the House has been knocked out by the chill touch of the
Angel of Dissolution. Punch need only state, in as few words as will
carry the matter, that on Monday both Houses received their
sentence : the Lords with the calm resignation befitting Olympians
who have no seats to fight for, and no election bills to pay; the
Commons with the excitement natural to atoms of Collective
Wisdom suddenly informed that within the next few days they
will have to set about recombining at a considerable cost, and in the
shade of a doubtful future.
Then, (in the Commons,) after the Chancellor of the Exchequer
lad promised the Budget for Thursday, Mr. Cross intimated that
the Water Bill would be dissolved even before the Parliament, and
that as London evidently did not like it, he and the Companies
must lump it, after a sudden rise, and then a fall of SO per cent, in
shares and reputation.
Close upon this ignominious collapse of Cross and his Water-
baby, th° First Lord of the Admiralty, the best man of business
in the Cabinet, moved the Navy Estimates—“ Economy and Peace
Estimates,” as he insisted—at an insignificant reduction on last
year’s charges. Lord High Admiral Smith promises-—not on
paper only, let us hope — useful economies in the administra-
tion of the Admiralty, regulation of Promotions, and reduction
of A aval Cadets, with many improvements in the armour-
ing and arming of our ships, the proportioning of cost between
building and repairs, and the keeping up more proportion between
heavily armoured Colo senses and Polyphemuses, for the ramming
of rivals and the smashing of iron-sheathed sides with monster pro-
jectiles, and of light, swift-sailing, and handy cruisers for the
protection of convoys, colonies, and commerce.
The great Smith, after receiving, unharmed, the cross-fire of the
Pim, the Hay, the Big Ben, and the Reed, came gallantly out of
action, carrying, under his wing, his whole convoy of Naval Esti-
mates, in a few hours. Never have been seen two such rapid Acts as
Colonel Stanley’s and Lord High Admiral Smith’s, in these latter
days of a dying Parliament. Twenty-five millions of Army and
Navy Estimates—there or thereabouts—knocked off—no, added on,
we should say—in a couple of nights, without either Hon. Colonel
or Lord High Admiral turning a hair, to the thinnest of thin
houses—hardly over the baker’s dozen to each batch of millions!
But perhaps that explains it.
After the firing of Sir Stafford’s Dissolution torpedo, Parliament
had suddenly adjourned from the House to the telegraph-office, and
for several hours Members were fighting for the wires, and Hashing
the news of Dissolution over the three kingdoms. We have not heard
that any of the five clerks of the Westminster Palace telegraph-
office have died of it; but never had poor fellows a more ‘ ‘ wiry time ”!
Tuesday (Lords).-—Lord Houghton had another grumble over the
lack of due provision for publicity in intra-mural executions. Lords
Beauchamp and Cranbrook contended that nothing more is wanted
than what is secured by the law of 1868—the presence of a full body
of officials to see the convict hanged, and a coroner’s jury to sit on
his body afterwards.
REGIMEN.
March 20, I88C0]
PUNCH, UK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Old Lady (to Eminent Physician). “ Tell me, Doctor, what do tod consider the most important Rule of all for Health ? ”
Doctor (whose ideas run much on the hygienic properties of Soils and Air, &c.). “ Mr dear Madam—always live on Gravel.”
Old Lady (whose thoughts take a more gastronomic turn). *‘ Oh, Doctor ! I’m sure I couldn’t Digest it ! ! ”
domestic legislation, accumulating deficits, postponing obligations,
■humbugging interests, and increasing burdens.
Such, according to tbe views of Lords B. and H. respectively,
being the monstrous treatment and melancholy prospects of poor
Britannia at tbe hands of the Outs and Ins, it really seems very
little odds how the next month’s struggle may end. Whichever
ccfmes head (according to the one) she can’t win, and whichever turns
tail, according to the other, she must lose.
Punch can only hope and pray that all is not yet quite so U.P.
with J. B., as the Whig and Tory oracles proclaim ; that life may be
still worth living with Lord B. in office ; and that Domestic Legisla-
tion and Foreign Policy, Country and Colonies, Church and State,
Army and Navy, will not have to go straightway to the dogs under
the lead of Lord Hartington. Let Britannia cling to the comfort
that whichever way the fight may fall out, there will still be
“ A sweet little cherub that sits up aloft
To keep watch for the life of poor John ; ”
which his name is—no—modestly forbids our putting it in full; but
we will only say it begins with P., and it ain’t Pall Mall. In the
meantime the Essence of Parliament has evaporated, even as the
wind of the House has been knocked out by the chill touch of the
Angel of Dissolution. Punch need only state, in as few words as will
carry the matter, that on Monday both Houses received their
sentence : the Lords with the calm resignation befitting Olympians
who have no seats to fight for, and no election bills to pay; the
Commons with the excitement natural to atoms of Collective
Wisdom suddenly informed that within the next few days they
will have to set about recombining at a considerable cost, and in the
shade of a doubtful future.
Then, (in the Commons,) after the Chancellor of the Exchequer
lad promised the Budget for Thursday, Mr. Cross intimated that
the Water Bill would be dissolved even before the Parliament, and
that as London evidently did not like it, he and the Companies
must lump it, after a sudden rise, and then a fall of SO per cent, in
shares and reputation.
Close upon this ignominious collapse of Cross and his Water-
baby, th° First Lord of the Admiralty, the best man of business
in the Cabinet, moved the Navy Estimates—“ Economy and Peace
Estimates,” as he insisted—at an insignificant reduction on last
year’s charges. Lord High Admiral Smith promises-—not on
paper only, let us hope — useful economies in the administra-
tion of the Admiralty, regulation of Promotions, and reduction
of A aval Cadets, with many improvements in the armour-
ing and arming of our ships, the proportioning of cost between
building and repairs, and the keeping up more proportion between
heavily armoured Colo senses and Polyphemuses, for the ramming
of rivals and the smashing of iron-sheathed sides with monster pro-
jectiles, and of light, swift-sailing, and handy cruisers for the
protection of convoys, colonies, and commerce.
The great Smith, after receiving, unharmed, the cross-fire of the
Pim, the Hay, the Big Ben, and the Reed, came gallantly out of
action, carrying, under his wing, his whole convoy of Naval Esti-
mates, in a few hours. Never have been seen two such rapid Acts as
Colonel Stanley’s and Lord High Admiral Smith’s, in these latter
days of a dying Parliament. Twenty-five millions of Army and
Navy Estimates—there or thereabouts—knocked off—no, added on,
we should say—in a couple of nights, without either Hon. Colonel
or Lord High Admiral turning a hair, to the thinnest of thin
houses—hardly over the baker’s dozen to each batch of millions!
But perhaps that explains it.
After the firing of Sir Stafford’s Dissolution torpedo, Parliament
had suddenly adjourned from the House to the telegraph-office, and
for several hours Members were fighting for the wires, and Hashing
the news of Dissolution over the three kingdoms. We have not heard
that any of the five clerks of the Westminster Palace telegraph-
office have died of it; but never had poor fellows a more ‘ ‘ wiry time ”!
Tuesday (Lords).-—Lord Houghton had another grumble over the
lack of due provision for publicity in intra-mural executions. Lords
Beauchamp and Cranbrook contended that nothing more is wanted
than what is secured by the law of 1868—the presence of a full body
of officials to see the convict hanged, and a coroner’s jury to sit on
his body afterwards.
REGIMEN.