DOI Heft:
June 26, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0294
290
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 26, 1880.
“ MYNHEER VAN DUNK/5
“ Oh, don’t deink it, Jack ! It will make tod so Thirsty J ”
“ What’s the Odds ! There’s plenty more ! ”
It was clear the case against his father-in-law, the unhappy Beadle, was progressing;
Mr. Bounce and Mr. Fishy his lawyer were doing their worst; the Church and State were
in danger, and all the Archbeacon had to do was to write a letter, and put the matter in the
skilful hands of his friend the Attorney-General, Sir Isaac Allpheeze.
And. now let us observe the Archheacon at breakfast, a meal absolutely necessary before
composing such an official document as the one he had determined to send to Sir Isaac.
The furniture of the breakfast-parlour, where Doctor and Mrs. Overwayte are seated,
is a model of ecclesiastical upholstery. The wain are covered with such serious and allegorical
subjects, taken from sacred History and Hagiology, as, for instance, “ Robbing Peter to Pay
Paul” “ The Dance of St. Vitus” “ The Conversion of the Three Persents,” “The First
St. Leger,” “ Five Thousand People taken in at St. James's ‘ Haul,’ ” “ The Hermit's Regular
Sell,” “St. Simon Without and Within,” “Moses after the extinction of the Candle,”
“ The Sporting Prophets,” “Bel's Life and Pendragon,” “ The Three Blind Mice,” “ S.
Accordion Weeping over the Dead Bones in the Black See,” “First Meeting of SS.
Anonyma and Anonymus,” “ White Bishop Mating a. Black Queen in Three Moves,”
“ Pharaoh's Host and Pharaoh's Guest,” “ The Bishop's Uncle taking the Bishop's Pawn,”
and many other interesting studies. Over the Gothic oak mantelpiece was carved in coloured
letters the motto, “ Tithes pay the Dealer,” only, of course, it was in old English
characters.
Everything on the table was of solid brass, wrought in a variety of Gothic patterns, Luge
candlesticks of the same metal stood on the floor, and on the side-board, on which were
arranged special ecclesiastical dishes for the Archbeacon’s breakfast. There was a fricassee
composed entirely of “ Parson’s Noses,” which was the only part of the chicken that Dr.
Overwayte would touch ; while curried in rice were those rich extracts from many shoulders
of mutton, “ The Pope’s Eyes ; ” a rook-pie cold was always kept ready in case any of the
inferior clergy should drop in on business and be asked to partake of the worthy Arch-
beacon’s meal; young beardless oysters fried crisply as “ Flying Angels ” stood side by side
with the hottest possible “devils;” the amount and variety of loaves, accompanied by a
corresponding quantity and equal variety of fishes, reminded the guest of the wealth of the
Land and the extent of the See; the history of the Ark was kept before the Archbeacon’s
mind’s eye by slices of Ham; and the times of persecution by the savoury smell of a broiling
hot steak ; while a snow white napkin encircling a pasty, within which was a capon whole,
was intended, as a memento of the truth that what might appear all fair without, might be
all fowl within. Such was regularly the Archibiaconal fare.
Yet, after doing ample justice to the feed-
ing from morning to night, I have always
found the Archbeaconry a dull, sleepy,
heavy place. In the enforced absence of
Dr. and Mrs. Overwavte between meal-
times, the children, though very nice and
pleasant before their parents, made them-
selves peculiarly disagreeable to a visitor,
who could get no peace even by retreating
to his own room, where he would be pretty
sure to find his coming jocosely anticipated'
by the junior members of the family who
had been “making hay” there, leaving two
or three of their number hidden in cup-
boards. under the bed, or beneath the dress-
ing-table, to frighten the occupant of the
room into a fit by suddenly starting out
upon him when he would be least prepared
for such a shock. It would be useless for
the guest to inform the parents of their
children’s misconduct, as they put them on
their honour to speak the truth, and then
took their word against the visitor’s. I have
myself been awoke by the youngest child
sprinkling me from a watering-pot. When
I asked him subsequently what could pos-
sibly have been his motive for this proceed-
ing, he replied that he thought it would
make me grow ; a flower was in a bed and
was watered with a watering-pot to make it
grow; and as I was in bed why shouldn’t
the same process be effective; at all events,
he concluded, if it had not made me grow,
it had made me shoot up quite suddenly,
in fact as his elder brother, who was watch-
ing the fun from the door, observed, it was
a ease of “ cometh up like a flower. ”
On the whole, therefore, I do not find the
Archbeaconry a pleasant house.*
After finishing the devil, which he in-
variably left to the last, the Archbeacon
retired to his study, intimating that he
would see no one, as his whole time would
be thoroughly employed in writing the
official letter to Sir Isaac Axlpheeze, the
Attorney-General.
On entering his sanctum at his usually
dignified pace, and with his stately step,
he first of all proceeded to double lock the
door, and having ascertained that he was
secure from intrusion on this side, and that
he was not observed from the window, he
suddenly threw off his Archibiaconal coat
and apron previous to performing a quiet
“walkround,” ending with a double-shuffle
and break-down, and an attitude expressive
of the most careless enjoyment; then he
spread out his writing paper on his desk,
and placed a fe'w dictionaries and books of
reference open on the table; having done
this he unlocked a tin box labelled “Eccle-
siastical Suits,” and chuckling to himself
drew therefrom a variegated velvet lounging
* Lditor to A. I)., the Author.—Pardon my
intrusion, but why do you change about from
“We” to “1”? It is rather confusing, as it
makes the Novel apparently written by more
hands than one. Couldn’t you stick to the first
person singular, or plural, whichever you like,
and not alter it ? And while I am on the subject,
it’s the same with your tenses. Sometimes, iD
describing one and the same actor or situation,
you employ the past and the present indiscrimi-
nately. It is puzzling. I only speak in your own
interests. Yours most sincerely, Ed.
Reply from, A. J). to Bditor.—I can look after
my own interests myself. Tharik ye. My tenses
depend on my moods. I am singular, perhaps;
and if the use of the plural is singular, that
squares it. Only one hand is engaged—the right.
1 ’m good with my left, as those know who pro-
voke me by interference. “We” write as “ I ’
like: and we like what I write. Bah! My
way’s my own, and there’s an end on’t.
Yours sensibly,
A. D.
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 26, 1880.
“ MYNHEER VAN DUNK/5
“ Oh, don’t deink it, Jack ! It will make tod so Thirsty J ”
“ What’s the Odds ! There’s plenty more ! ”
It was clear the case against his father-in-law, the unhappy Beadle, was progressing;
Mr. Bounce and Mr. Fishy his lawyer were doing their worst; the Church and State were
in danger, and all the Archbeacon had to do was to write a letter, and put the matter in the
skilful hands of his friend the Attorney-General, Sir Isaac Allpheeze.
And. now let us observe the Archheacon at breakfast, a meal absolutely necessary before
composing such an official document as the one he had determined to send to Sir Isaac.
The furniture of the breakfast-parlour, where Doctor and Mrs. Overwayte are seated,
is a model of ecclesiastical upholstery. The wain are covered with such serious and allegorical
subjects, taken from sacred History and Hagiology, as, for instance, “ Robbing Peter to Pay
Paul” “ The Dance of St. Vitus” “ The Conversion of the Three Persents,” “The First
St. Leger,” “ Five Thousand People taken in at St. James's ‘ Haul,’ ” “ The Hermit's Regular
Sell,” “St. Simon Without and Within,” “Moses after the extinction of the Candle,”
“ The Sporting Prophets,” “Bel's Life and Pendragon,” “ The Three Blind Mice,” “ S.
Accordion Weeping over the Dead Bones in the Black See,” “First Meeting of SS.
Anonyma and Anonymus,” “ White Bishop Mating a. Black Queen in Three Moves,”
“ Pharaoh's Host and Pharaoh's Guest,” “ The Bishop's Uncle taking the Bishop's Pawn,”
and many other interesting studies. Over the Gothic oak mantelpiece was carved in coloured
letters the motto, “ Tithes pay the Dealer,” only, of course, it was in old English
characters.
Everything on the table was of solid brass, wrought in a variety of Gothic patterns, Luge
candlesticks of the same metal stood on the floor, and on the side-board, on which were
arranged special ecclesiastical dishes for the Archbeacon’s breakfast. There was a fricassee
composed entirely of “ Parson’s Noses,” which was the only part of the chicken that Dr.
Overwayte would touch ; while curried in rice were those rich extracts from many shoulders
of mutton, “ The Pope’s Eyes ; ” a rook-pie cold was always kept ready in case any of the
inferior clergy should drop in on business and be asked to partake of the worthy Arch-
beacon’s meal; young beardless oysters fried crisply as “ Flying Angels ” stood side by side
with the hottest possible “devils;” the amount and variety of loaves, accompanied by a
corresponding quantity and equal variety of fishes, reminded the guest of the wealth of the
Land and the extent of the See; the history of the Ark was kept before the Archbeacon’s
mind’s eye by slices of Ham; and the times of persecution by the savoury smell of a broiling
hot steak ; while a snow white napkin encircling a pasty, within which was a capon whole,
was intended, as a memento of the truth that what might appear all fair without, might be
all fowl within. Such was regularly the Archibiaconal fare.
Yet, after doing ample justice to the feed-
ing from morning to night, I have always
found the Archbeaconry a dull, sleepy,
heavy place. In the enforced absence of
Dr. and Mrs. Overwavte between meal-
times, the children, though very nice and
pleasant before their parents, made them-
selves peculiarly disagreeable to a visitor,
who could get no peace even by retreating
to his own room, where he would be pretty
sure to find his coming jocosely anticipated'
by the junior members of the family who
had been “making hay” there, leaving two
or three of their number hidden in cup-
boards. under the bed, or beneath the dress-
ing-table, to frighten the occupant of the
room into a fit by suddenly starting out
upon him when he would be least prepared
for such a shock. It would be useless for
the guest to inform the parents of their
children’s misconduct, as they put them on
their honour to speak the truth, and then
took their word against the visitor’s. I have
myself been awoke by the youngest child
sprinkling me from a watering-pot. When
I asked him subsequently what could pos-
sibly have been his motive for this proceed-
ing, he replied that he thought it would
make me grow ; a flower was in a bed and
was watered with a watering-pot to make it
grow; and as I was in bed why shouldn’t
the same process be effective; at all events,
he concluded, if it had not made me grow,
it had made me shoot up quite suddenly,
in fact as his elder brother, who was watch-
ing the fun from the door, observed, it was
a ease of “ cometh up like a flower. ”
On the whole, therefore, I do not find the
Archbeaconry a pleasant house.*
After finishing the devil, which he in-
variably left to the last, the Archbeacon
retired to his study, intimating that he
would see no one, as his whole time would
be thoroughly employed in writing the
official letter to Sir Isaac Axlpheeze, the
Attorney-General.
On entering his sanctum at his usually
dignified pace, and with his stately step,
he first of all proceeded to double lock the
door, and having ascertained that he was
secure from intrusion on this side, and that
he was not observed from the window, he
suddenly threw off his Archibiaconal coat
and apron previous to performing a quiet
“walkround,” ending with a double-shuffle
and break-down, and an attitude expressive
of the most careless enjoyment; then he
spread out his writing paper on his desk,
and placed a fe'w dictionaries and books of
reference open on the table; having done
this he unlocked a tin box labelled “Eccle-
siastical Suits,” and chuckling to himself
drew therefrom a variegated velvet lounging
* Lditor to A. I)., the Author.—Pardon my
intrusion, but why do you change about from
“We” to “1”? It is rather confusing, as it
makes the Novel apparently written by more
hands than one. Couldn’t you stick to the first
person singular, or plural, whichever you like,
and not alter it ? And while I am on the subject,
it’s the same with your tenses. Sometimes, iD
describing one and the same actor or situation,
you employ the past and the present indiscrimi-
nately. It is puzzling. I only speak in your own
interests. Yours most sincerely, Ed.
Reply from, A. J). to Bditor.—I can look after
my own interests myself. Tharik ye. My tenses
depend on my moods. I am singular, perhaps;
and if the use of the plural is singular, that
squares it. Only one hand is engaged—the right.
1 ’m good with my left, as those know who pro-
voke me by interference. “We” write as “ I ’
like: and we like what I write. Bah! My
way’s my own, and there’s an end on’t.
Yours sensibly,
A. D.