Punch: Punch (84.1883)

154

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 31, 1883.

SONG OF A CENTRE.

As Sung at a Festival of Fenian
Conspirators.

When the hand-bomb that’s
hurled by the high-minded
hero

Explodes underneath the dark
despot’s doomed car,

Or when patriots pine in the
prisons of Neko,

And the powder-keg blows up
the walls where they are,

Oh, those are the deeds that en-
noble the martyrs

Who the frolicsome dictates of
Freedom obey :

Though destruction’s, maybe,
dealt around in all quarters,

’Mongstthe people that couldn’t
get out of the way.

But bad luck to the baste, in his
infatuation,

From revenge inconsiderate, or
vanity blind,

That commits an unpopular ass-
assination,

And against true tyrannicides
turns all mankind !

For that places ourselves in an
awkward position;

If Republics and Kingdoms
together agree

That all sorts of assassins deserve
extradition,

We’ll have dynamite dashed
from the fist of the Free !

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 129.

For Ladies Only.

We are told that—

“ The bridle which was formerly
used at Reading to stop the mouths
of scolding women, has been deposited
in the Museum of that town.’’

This is satisfactory. In Read-
ing now Ladies bridle their own
tongues ; and if not, never think
of going near the Museum.

JOHN MORLEY, ESQ,, M.P.,

The Northern Light-Weight.

SHOWING HOW HE WENT IN PELL-MELL, AND FOUGHT KNIGHTLY.

“THE TWO ROSES.”

{A New Song, on English Operatic
prospects at Drury Lane, set to a
very old tune.)

Litbly Rosa hack you come,
Won’t I hear your string and brass
and drum, drum, drum.

0 Roze, Marie Roze,

You ’re singing for Carl Rosa,

“ So the story goes.”

Chorus.

0 rows of seats, whole rows,

Will, we hope, be filled each night,
For all your shows.

A Philologist who had been
much exercised by the American-
isms “Masher” and “Mashed,”
recently imported into the English
language, was in an ecstasy of
delight at finding in an old copy
of one of Vanbrugh’s plays this
Stage direction: “Enter Belinda,
mashed.” He at once sat down
to write a treatise, when, after
having set forth a learned theory
on derivations and the recurrence
of terms in the course of centuries,
it occurred to him to compare his
edition with several others of the
same play, when gradually the
conviction was borne in upon him
that the word he had read
“ mashed,'” and which was unde-
niably “mashed” in his copy,
was a misprint for “masked,”
the Stage direction being “ Enter
Belinda, masked.” — Moral. It
doesn’t do for a Philologist to be
too impetuous.

SCIENTIFIC JOTTINGS.

Dr. Siemens is reported to have
grown strawberries by means of
electricity—very nice, he says,
although slightly savouring of
the current. Latest fruits of
Science.

IN THE NORTH COUNTREE.

(NEWCASTLE VERSION.)

With thanks to Mr. Theo. Marzials.

There’s many a famous Member in the North Countree,

Many favourites of the Caucus, many speakers of renown ;

But oh ! among the smartest that ever you did see.

Is Radical John Morley, who came down from London town.

We all sat around our Association Board,

When the Tories had a fancy that their man might win;

And. then he came, so square and fair and broad,
Uncompromising rectitude about his solid chin.

And he sang to us there a Pall flail song,

Till we all must needs sing too ;

Of William, grand old Leader, and of Joseph smart and strong,
W itty Vernon, Chelsea Charlie frank and true.

And we said, “ Our town will make, unless we much mistake,

A comfortable seat for you !

Ay, a comfortable seat for you ! ”

There is many a famous Member in the North Countree
A-taking care the Liberal sun shall not go down.

But Morley lit a candle that you all might see.

Our shrewd and sparkling Morley from far London town.

Light it tript, that fluent tongue,

Sharp and pat to logic’s dance,

Only Joe Cowen his grand head hung,

And sulked in a corner, and glared askance.

But Morley came to win, and he had his way,

We “ heckled ” him, and searched him through,

And says we, “ Our town will make, unless we much mistake,
A comfortable seat for you!

Ay, a comfortable seat for you ! ”

There’s many a Tory voter in the North Countree
A-breaking of his heart as the Bruce goes down.

And Joe stood a-sighing ; but he says, says he,

“ After all, it’s very little use to fume or frown.”

And the Tories own a “ beat.”

Liberal cheers then rent the skies.

At the sound of their defeat
Our John Morley did uprise,

And his manly voice sounded so clear on our ear—

“ Oh, Liberals straight and true,

Bruce is really a good fellow, for all that I can hear,

But for Newcastle he ’ll hardly do.

’Tis I that will make, unless I much mistake,

The very sort of Member, friends, for you !

Ay, the very sort of Member, friends, for you! ”

A Warning in Waxwork.

Sundry posters in divers places announce that a “ Portrait Model
of Mr. Charles S. Parnell,” M.P., has been added to Madame
Tussaud’s Exhibition. Surely, Mr. Parnell has done nothing that
can have entitled him to a position amongst celebrities associated in
a certain special Chamber of the establishment in Baker Street—as
yet? To do him an honour so very peculiar as that of placiug
him there in effigy, seems, at least, premature. The Waxwork
Proprietors are not Astrologers; but this does seem like easti <
Mr. Parnell’s Chamber-of-Horrorscope.