Punch (53.1867)

November 30, 1867.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

219

one who was convicted and pardoned) has been received back into the
Royal Navy. {Cheers.) Mr. Maguire, M.P., made an appeal to
Government to spare the lives of the other convicts, and a debate
ensued, of which it may be enough to say that Sir P. O’Bbien and
Mr. Fawcett supported him, and that Serjeant Gaselee and Sir C.
O’Loghlen were for further inquiry into a legal objection which Judge
Blackburn had pronounced to be “ monstrous,” that Mr. Hardy
(cheered) declined to call on the Judges to review the judgment, that
Mr. Gladstone approved this refusal, and that the Attorney-General
confirmed the statement that to demand such review would be illegal.
No verbal answer was given by the Government as to the carrying out
of the sentences, but Shore was reprieved, on the ground that he was
not proved to have been armed.

Mr. Hardy has taken compassion on the poor Costermonger. He
is not to be annihilated. This is well.

Friday. Lord Portman attacked the Bishop of Salisbury for
Popish doctrines in his late Charge. The Bishop allowed that he was
a High Churchman, but pleaded that he was most tolerant, and added
that there was less Ritualism in his diocese than in any other.

In the Commons, Lord John Manners (is reported to have) said
that the water in the Regent’s Park lake had been drained off. Not a
drop has been removed, and there must be a mistake somewhere. We
went and looked on Saturday. “ What are you about, John ? ”

NEXT HIDEOUS “ SENSATION CHIGNON.”

COUNTY COURT DRESS.

Among the comic news of last week, as reported by several contem-
poraries, you will have read with pleasure, I am sure, Mr. Punch, the
statement that :—

“ At the last sitting of the Tonbridge County Court the Judge, Mb. J. J. Lons-
dale, made the following observations : ‘In consequence of several parties having
business in the Court coming in their working apparel, he wished to state that all
persons who came to that Court, which was the Queen’s Court, should be properly
dressed, and not in their working clothes. . . . Very frequently people came to the
County Court just as if they had been fetched out of the street to a Police Court.
It was very disrespectful to himself, and very annoying to a well-dressed person to
sit beside a miller or a baker who was in his working clothes. He certainly
should be very strict in this matter in future, and should most decidedly dis-
allow any person’s expenses who came to the Court dressed in a manner which
he considered was disrespectful to himself and the Court.”

You know, Sir, what a Court Dress is. It has, I think, been
described in your columns as the uniform of an embroidered Quaker.
So much for a Court Dress, if you please, but what is a County Court
Dress ? The same, one would think, in the view of Mr. Lonsdale,
“ He wished to state that all persons who came to that Court, which
was the Queen’s Court, should be properly dressed.” In Queen’s
Court dress, then ? In laced chocolate collarless coats, flowered
waistcoats, satin shorts, silk stockings, and buckled shoes ? Should
they also wear swords ? Morning costume is an indefinite expression,
and may be logically held to include working clothes. Does Mr.

Lonsdale expect all suitors and witnesses in attendance at his Court
to be dressed as for an evening party? Are white ties derigueur?
Must the ladies leave their bonnets and fanchons outside, and appear
with low dresses ? Must they also wear feathers ? Will the local
journal that reports the Tonbridge County Court publish a list of the
suitresses’ dresses ? There is one class of persons on whom at any
rate Mr. Lonsdale can hardly intend to impose the impossibility of
full dress, Court or plain evening. He acknowledged that:—

“ Of course, if parties had no best clothes to put on, they were to be pitied."

These parties to a suit would of course be utterly unable to attire
themselves in the suits proper for evening parties. In their case
Mr. Lonsdale may perhaps be willing to admit the relaxation allowed
at the Opera in the after-season. “ Restrictions to evening dress not
enforced.” A working dress ought not to put a miller out of court if
he has no other, and the same may be said of a chimney-sweep, but a
wide berth should be given to them, and it would be well for both their
sakes to keep them asunder. Believe me, dear Mr. Punch, a con-
siderate, Beau Nash.

FANCIES FOR THE FLEET.

Mr. Punch sees in Mr. Assistant-Secretary Gray^s new idea a
vast poetical system, not to be confined to naval instruction, but to be
carried into our Military Schools, our Classical Colleges, our Univer-
sities, and our Public and Private Seminaries. Beginning with the
nursery we would have it thus, e. g. :—

What do you say ?

First letter A.

Oh yes, I see,

Second is B.

He! He! He! He!

Third one is D.

{Then laughing.)

To a child of tender years toddling towards the fender—

Though the fender is of wire,

Children mustn’t touch the fire.

In the Army, among rules for a Field Marshal to recollect:—

When you see the en&-my,

Take your gun and hit his eye.

Again, for a General when his victorious troops are in pursuit

When the enemy is running,

Tell your men to keep on gunning.

To a Lieutenant-General when his men are prepared to receive
cavalry :—

When the enemy are there,

As you was and as you were !

Let the men walk two and two )

M arch ! Present! Make ready ! Boo !

That’s the proper thing to do. }

For the Artillery :—

Take care, Tommy, how you load,

Or the cannon may explode.

For the Reverend Chaplain-General in attendance at a battery :—

Legates a latere.

Sit in a battery.

To the Cavalry, when the three squadrons of the enemy are charging
them in front, and a detachment of infantry are harassing their rear :—

When you see
Such things can be,

Run away, and don’t mind me.

For Riflemen and Sharpshooters placed in pits taking aim at the
enemy, and the enemy from an elevated situation taking aim at them:—

Get in a pit,

And make a hit;

Take a pop
At a man atop ;

Pot him true.

Or he ’ll pot you.

Mr. Punch will continue this new poetical system of education at
his leisure: in the meantime he begs to return his sincere thanks to
Assistant-Secretary Gray for the present admirable Admiral sug-
gestions. __

A Hint to Head-masters.—The dietary of our Public Schools
would be greatly improved by the addition of one article hitherto
almost entirely overlooked—English tongue.