Punch (58.1870)

May 7, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

179

THREE BAND OE HOPE BOYS.

{Anti-Bacchanalian Song, dedicated to the Temperance Society,
as cm Aid to Moral Suasion.)

Am—" Three Jolly Postboys:'

Three Band of Hope Boys, drinking, on their mettle,
Three Band of Hope Boys, drinking, on their mettle,

And they determined,

And they determined,
And they determined again to tap the kettle.

We '11 have t' other cup ; pour on the water.
We '11 have t' other cap; pour on the water.

Fill us the teapot up,

Fill us the teapot up,
Fill us the teapot up, strong liquor's self-slaughter.

Tea cheers the gloomy, the sad, and melancholic,
Tea cheers the gloomy, the sad, and melancholic,

And it not inebriates,

And it not inebriates,
And it not inebriates like potions alcoholic.

He that drinks mixed punch, and goes to bed mellow,
He that drinks mixed punch, and goes to bed mellow,

Lives as he shouldn't, do,

Lives as he shouldn't do,
Lives as he shouldn't do, and wakes a seedy fellow.

He that drinks mild tea, and goes to bed sober,
He that drinks mild tea, and goes to bed sober,

Lasts as the leaves do,

Lasts as the leaves do,
Lasts as the leaves do, bright green in October.

OIL AND WATER.

No Wonder this Old Gentleman from the Country is Puzzled. His
Friends have carelessly Sent him to the Royal Academy Exhibition
"with a "Water-Colour" Catalogue ! 'suspected.

No Triumph, for Newdegate.

What if investigation of convents should prove them all
i to be really the abodes of peace and innocence which those
who protest agaiost it assure us they are ? it would probably
result in a great number of conversions. Does not Mr.
Nbwdegate seek it at his peril ? Or rather, if you like,
should he succeed in obtaining it, may he not possibly get
converted himself? Then, perhaps Wualley would be
converted too, or avow the conversion of which he has been

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

for Mr. Punch to say that his want of confidence in the present war-
system at home is Absolute, and that, while no created party exceeds

ht^tv.,, me. rru tt tn ur « iv. him in his admiration for the chivalry of the British officer, or for

J^wJ^Tr ^^W^^^^^&yfe?6^ Sir Charles Napier proudly calls "the Majesty with which

•SS^JfeiSffi r Z ailS rega?n* fe atr°ci{ W}lC\h™ I the British Soldier fights," he is much too often reminded of a mordant
ween perpetrated m Greece. Save as matter of record, the frightful , • l 6f „ / . 0„0„ r„m .

„+„.___~\ , j j-pji l c ri j-ci ru i verse, forming part oi a poem written (no one snail ever Know by

story wou d not find place here, for every Englishman and English- "*?'*>'*.uxu& j

woman is acquainted with the facts. Travellers—ladies and gentle
■men—visiting Marathon, were set upon by brigands. The ladies were
released. Ransom and pardon were the demands of the brigands.
Both would have been given, but for the conduct of the Greek Govern-
ment, which displayed imbecile pedantry and mischievous violence.
The miserable end was, that four of the travellers—three Englishmen
and an Italian—were murdered. No, not the end, for there is a heavy
account, to settle with Greece. For the moment, let us gladly pass from
a horrible story. It is due, however, to our own Executive to say that

whom) in Crimean days,-

" ' His heart is with the brave
"Whose glorious banners wave
Where, pointed on Sebastopol, the cannon roars,
And he knows they only fear
The foeman in the Rear,
The Blunderers at Home,' says the Barber out of Doors."

Passing from martial considerations to pauperdom, the House then
read a Second Time a Bill for improving the means of Relieving the

it exhausted every endeavour to save the lives of the victims. And a TettU f °t ^ ?u i w" * m v ?a V ;ATt»n n tz
word for the manly conduct of the young King op Greece, who acted I^S^^^^X^^aS^^T lZ*°nZl

as became the brother of one whom England loves dearly.

The Commons proceeded with the discussion of the Budget, and
assented to Mr. Lowe's Stamp propositions, so the reduction on
■newspaper postage is a fact—or rather will be, for the present system,
like the tippler,

" Dies in October."

The War-Office arrangements are to be hugely altered. Mr. Fielden
did not admire the new plan, and like the House of Commons in the
lamous ballad which tells of Billy Taylor,

" Declared 'twas a Regular Job."

But the House, dividing 80 to G, majority 74, declared that it was
nothing ol the kind, and the Government champions, Messrs Card-
well and Stansfeld, insisted that the responsibility of the War-Gods ,

to Parliament would be increased by the change. It is needless J was urged that the Commissioners—on the strength of whose report

makeshifts, if they are necessary) must be dealt with iu a very much
larger way. The scandalous fact is, that with all conceivable machinery
for treating poverty, and a perfect Pactolus of golden ointment ever
flowing to keep the works in order, we have a state of things which
would be disgraceful to a nation that had never heard of Political Eco-
nomy, and which is a black, dismal, and overwhelming shame to a
nation that reads Mill and Punch.

Nextly, by way of making things pleasant, we departed from con-
sidering how money is used foolishly, and addressed ourselves to expe-
riences of its being used criminally. The Attorney-General, which
his name is Sir Bobert Collier (these explanations will be found
convenient a few hundred years hence), moved the Second Reading of
the Bill for abolishing Bridgewater and Beverley, pro criminibus Of
course the measure was opposed, but the disclosures had been so per-
turbing that Honourable Gentlemen could not find much to say, and
we had the old story of the instruction to counsel—" There is no de-
fence to this action, but please to abuse the plaintiff's attorney." It