Punch (58.1870)

April 2, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARI.

127

TYRANNY.

I* to BE EDGICJ

Second Rough. "Ah ! no Vundee so many poor People's a Emigeatin' !

First Rough. " "We 'ee a goin' to be Edgicated now, u'mpulsory, ce else
go to the Teeadmill ! "

A BALLAD FOR DAWSON BURNS.

Why should I deprive my neighbour
Of his beer against his will ?

Good malt liquor after labour
He may need, and need not swill.

Drink is oft a point of diet;

'Tis the few sots who carouse :
Sober guests frequent the quiet,

Well-conducted public-house.

Close the lush-crib of the beery;

Shut the drunkard's boozing ken;
Not the House of Call for weary,

Thirsty, steady working men.

CORPOREAL ENLIGHTENMENT.

Surely nobody who reads this scrap of scientific news
can doubt that we are living in an age of very wonderful
enlightenment:—

" The Diascope.— Dr. Milio, a Kussian Surgeon, has in-
vented a means of illuminating the interior of the living human
body, with the aid of a concentrated beam of electric light."

If this be really feasible, we may hope that the invention
may lead not merely to medical but moral good results.
Besides assisting in the diagnosis of disease, the diascope
may aid in the detection of ill feelings, and bad workings
of the brain, and powerfully help to check them in their
course. The simple fact that men, by means of its enlight-
ening, may easily be seen through, will deter them from
pretences that will not bear the light. A rogue with a
black heart will in future not be able to hide it from the
world by a fair show of outward seeming ; and the danger
of detection will most probably impel him to keep it in
restraint. Knowing that the diascope may render him
transparent, the snob may shrink from shamming, and the
swindler from deceit; while the densest human body—for
instance, say a vestry or a board of parish guardians—may
be actually numbered wil h the illummati, and may testify
some presence of enlightenment of brain.

Motto for Captain Shaw's Brigade. — " Through
Eire and Water."

LISPING IN NUMBERS.

A difficulty has been lately started in a contemporary about
rhyming fairly to " Month." A gentleman who both lisps and substi-
tutes "w" for "r," writes us to say, that he sees no difficulty in
rhyming to month, and begs to forward, through an amanuensis (he
calls it " amanuen^M,") the following rhythmical solutions of the
difficulty -.—

ode to my darling.

{In the Month of Theptember.)

Deawetht darling ! in the month
When the thporthmen uthe their gunth,
While duckthooting in their puntti,
Fwee from careth and woeth and dunth;
Thought of thee all otherth thtuntth
In the thweet Theptember month.

{Translation, if required.)
Dearest darling in the month
When the sportsmen use their guns,
While duckshooting in their punts,
Free from cares and woes and duns;
Thought of thee all others stunts
In the sweet September Month.

to a confecthoner.

Thend me if you pleathe nektht month
Thwee large bagth of currant buntn
Also thikthteen thally-lunth.
Note for Translator.—" Bunth," buns. " Thally-lunth," Sally-luns.
to my thchoolmathter.
With a foolthcap, for a month
I wath thtanding like a duutb.

to a bibuluth perthon.

In the year there 'th not a month
When you do not dwink thwee tunth
Note.—1' Tunth," tuns.

to a witwallitht.

When I wath at Churth latht month,

I thaw thikthty theven nunth,

And they entered all by oneth

Blething all the little thonth ;

Worthe than Vandalth, Gothth, and Huntb,

Would he be who'd hurt thethe Nunth.

Note.—"A. Witwallitht," a Kitualist. " Nunth," Nuns.

" All by oneth," all by ones. " Thonth," Sons. " Gothth," Goths.

Wetheive, mithter Editor, the athurantheth of mymotht dithtinguithed
conthidewathion. Lemxjel Lithper.

On a Leg of Mutton.

When is a Leg of Mutton like a Modern Poet ? When it's
Browning.

Why is a Leg of Mutton being roasted like London in 1665 ? Because
it's Before the Fire.
When is a Leg of Mutton like Venison ? When it's Dear.
When is a Leg of Mutton like an Intoxicated Person? When it's
cut."

consistently strict.

A Quaker, rigidly adhering to the rules of his sect, invariably
calls a Yew tree, a " Thou tree."

Motto foe Cheap Tea-Dealers.—" Down with your dust."