Punch (58.1870)

Mafch 12, 1870.J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

97

Low Glass Legislation.

Mr. Plimsoll's Bill for making Foot-warmers com-
pulsory in Railway Carriages, irrespective of class, was
thrown out by a majority of 32 in a House of 184.

Mr. Plimsoll rested his case on the discomfort of the
poorer kind of travellers. He should have remembered
the proverb, "Be minimis non curat lex" which we trans-
late: "The Legislature doesn't care for third-class
passengers."__

Little Ada. "I wish I'd got 1\eeth like yours, Aunt Lizzie,, it would be

so Nice to Take 'em out to Play with !" I Motto for Pool. — Your money and your life."

THE TWINS OF TIPPER ARY.

Within one bracket it were well to stick 'em—
The " Honest " Hebon with the "Gentle " Kickham
His rival's name the other's back transfer on ;
For Heron, kick him : Kickham leave to err on.
For CJonmel's boys, sure Nemesis must nick 'em,
'Twixt Heron's faith, and gentleness of Kickham :
As wolf in sheep's skin to sheep with wolf's fur on,
Such Convict Kickham to Queen's Counsel Heron.

" A wind-bag emptied if you but pin-prick him!
E'en such," may Heron say with truth, "is Kickham.'
" Humbug! to Fenian skirts stuck like a burr on !
E'en such," may Kickham say with truth, " is Heron.'
Six to one, half a dozen to the other—
^wins of one hideous sire and one weak mother—
Got by Untruth on Itch of Approbation—
Spring of all woes to Ireland's ill-starr'd nation
Rational voters had given votes to neither:
To Paddy that may have commended either.

Two candidates like this—such, and so mated—
What voice but Erin's e'er had nominated ?
Yet who but she their merits so had gauged—
Witty e'en at her wildest when she raged—
As to keep these unworthies of her choice
Equal, almost to fraction of a voice ?
Though to the seat Heron, as worse, she bore,
'Twas but by a majority of four !

i

Jack I've 'eerd there was times when the parsons and pantilers
PHCEBUS'S PORTRAITS OF THIEVES. 'ood 'a preached it was wicked for to make the Sun dror likenesses.

Bill. Wish they'd preach so still.

Scene— The Slums, A Public-house Interior. Bill Wheeler and Jack. There ain't no way o'chiselin the beggars that's down upon

Jack Oakum. yer makin' of yer set for your cart der wizzeet, wot makes a alias good-

for-numn'.

Jack {taking up a newspaper). Hullo, I say, Bill, here s a floorer! Bill. Tell yer a dodge. Pull a mug. Look spooney and 'eavenly.

{reads slowly, with some difficulty).— {Smiles and turns up his eyes.)

.. -n „ T ... ., . , , ., T Jack Ho ho! (laughing). The werry imidge o' Lord Lovel outside

" Photographic Prisoners.—In common with other Magistrates, the Lord •

Mayor has received a communication from the Right Hon. H. A. Bruce, the music-books.

Secretary of State for the Home Department, with reference to the taking of Bill. Or try and look wus than yer are. {Stoops his head and scowls.)

photographs of habitual criminals convicted within his jurisdiction. The Jack. And that 'ood do gallus well lor bam All.

letter will be submitted to an early meeting of the Court of Aldermen." Bill. Fotagrofe my face ! They may fotagrole my eels. Ho there s

plenty o' ways o' disguisin' yer fruntispiece, so as nobody should know

Blow their blessed horbs o'wision ! Fotogrofe 'abitchial criminals! yeri s0- {Grins.) So. {Winks.) So, So, So. {Making a series of

That's the way they 're agoin' to fiummux a cove, now then. face's )

Bill. Oh, bless 'em !—they've bin a tryin'that 'ere dodge some time, Jack. Veil, Bill, blest if yer vouldn't make a fust-rate play-hactor.

in places. Cap'n Gardner, Guv'nor o' Bristol jug, says hever sence With sitch means of ixpression as yourn yer might a' most be tempted

'47; and the Times''s words is as how that system as bin the means o' to cut yer career o' crime for honest industery, and go on the stage,

procurin penial servitood for many pris'ners whose crimes might hother- Bill. 'Feared I shall be druv to 'ard labour anyow sooner or later by

ways 'ave honly bin treated as fust offences. that 'ere 'Abitchial Criminals' Bill.

Jack. "Unpleasant hinformation." Noozepaper 'eddin, for that Jack. 'Ow'd this be to set for my potrate as a 'abitchial criminal'!'

intelligence. _ {Squints.)

Bill. Werry much so. Guv'nor Gardner thinks that, through that Bill. Wouldn't do, yer moke. Would be a comin' of it too strong,

blessed fotigrofy systim, by interodoosin' of it into hevery gaol, nearly The beaks or bobbies' 'ood take yer to be larkin'. Regular squintin5

hall the peifessional prigs will be highdentified, and on conwiction—the >ooci he overdoin' of it. Sad misi'ortin' by the bye, a cast in the heye

words I remember is—" receive Inadequate punishment." That's'is for a 'abitchial criminal, particler now'e's subject to be fotagrofed.

blessed plan. And now, yer see, this here blessed Reform Guv'ment's There '11 be no mist akin' 'im.

a foller'n on it out, wus luck. jack. After once takin 'im.

Jack. They takes them blessed fotagrofes by means o' the Sun— I Bill. So wherever 'e goes 'e '11 be liable to be took up.

doan't 'em ? Jack. Witch I calls takin' a mean adwantage of a cove's nateral

Bill. Yes, the beggars, they do. affliction. Yah!

Jack. Blow the Sun ! As Fenian Mike says, the Sun's alius a
standin' in our daylight.

Bill. Mike's right there too. " 'Cause night is growd our day,"
as the song says. I'm a cove o' some reaain', though booked R and
W Imp., like you. But blow the Sun, I say too, and the fotagrofes
and fotagrofers and Cap'n Gardner and the Guv'ment, and the Beaks,
and all the lot o' 'em,

Bill. The beggars ! \_Scene closes.

Look Out!

English Girls are not thought to show the white feather when on
horseback, yet you may see it any day in Rotten Row.