Punch (58.1870)

Apkil 30, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 169

THE BETTING BLACKGUARD'S BALLAD.

A pretty state of tilings this here,

What is the papers doin' ?
To rob a poor cove of his beer,

And bring him to his ruin.
What! make the turf respectable,

Against us chaps to shut it!
Sooner than that, I says it flat,
The Turf, indeed ! I'd " cat" it.

What,! horses to be growed up strong

Ere at a race you '11 sport one;
And courses lengthened—go a-long—

Just let 'em go a short one.
"Improve the breed ! " what 'orrid stuff,

It makes a party grin ;
Improve the speed's my motter, boys,
And let the best horse win.

Not larrup colts ! a pretty go,

Why, what are folks afraid on ?
Why's horses born, I'd like to know,

Unless it's to get " laid on."
And when they've landed pots of tin,

For backers, and for owners,
They didn't ought to flinch when sent
To knackers and to boners.

" Keep off announcements" and so rob

Poor coves like me and you,
As tries to earn an honest bob,

As our sooperiors do.
Stop all cobnobbling of the hor3e,

By jockey or by groom;
It makes a party wish as he
Could seek his silent tomb.

Sir Joseph Hawley—wery well
fTtfk, I/,S ^//lf^WS^^^^^^S^^^^^^^^^^^S,' £ or independent Barfs

X^nCl. If/ fjry/? X vImTO^^^^^^^^^^^^|\^ ^ Their vast experience for to tell.

]• //fir////'/' /s ' ^^W^^W^^^^^^^^W^^ And show they've feelin' 'arts.

They quite forgets there's others who

A DELIGHTFUL REMINISCENCE OF THE BOAT-RACE. „ \° honest be would try ;

But can t aflord the lux ry till
Sweep {to a carriage full of light blue ribbons). " Won't yer make Room for They've put a little by.

a Little 'uk, Ladies and Gents ? I'm for the Cambridge lot !"

Hurrah, then, lor the Jockey Club,
•~ ' - i As won't, stand no dictation;

And noble-'arted parties snub,
COMFORT FOR THE LOWLY. ^ As talks of alteration.

Are you envious of the great, the eminent, the distinguished ? Think of ^^BuT^o^n^wuss and wlss^'

only a few of the penalties of greatness, of the extra weight it has to carry and What's wron°- ain't fit should alte-ed be—

your feelings will change from envy and jealousy to pity and compassion. Reflect , , the likes of us

on what you escape by being humble, obscure, insignificant, and small, and be con- ' y

tent with your allotment in life. gut when \ >Ve puued off someut smart,

For a sample—_ ..„.,. . , , I don't say what'111 do;

lou escape having to preside at puolic dinners and meetings; to make speeches t >jj g0 jn for a feelin' 'art,

and move resolutions, and respond to the toast of your health. Take sittins' in a pew.

You escape having to put your name down for subscriptions considerably jj0 tue respectable in short

beyond your means, and for objects to which you are utterly indifferent. (£ (Ty t0 d0 'em now),

You escape seeing yourself pamted at full length (by Tipp Topp, R.A.), on And thea a(ivise tue fnen(]s of sport

the walls of the Royal Academy, and hearing the somewhat plain-spoken remarks 1'0 "turf reforms" to bow.
of the company on your attitude, expression, and features.

You escape gazing at your own photograph in the shop windows, bounded by Till them times come, I begs to state,

a dancer in short skirts on one side, and by a notorious criminal on the other. 1 frowns on this here move ;

You escape persecution for your autograph, monogram, carte-de-visite, and; And horses may deteriorate,

possibly for a piece of your hair. So iong as I improve.

You escape being the subject of false and scandalous paragraphs in the news- When I've my little 'ouse and grounds,

papers. Convenient to a station—

You escape testimonials. And other joys, why then, my boys,

You escape laying first stones; inspecting hospitals, prisons, and lunatic asylums ; Hoorah for " Reformation."

having addresses presented to you ; and being received by the local authorities. _

You escape knighthood.

You escape levies, receptions and uniforms. The Reign, of Licence.

And, finally, you escape the publication of the contents of your will; you escape ! .
having your life written, and your private letters given to the world; and—greatest | Sir Wilfrid Lawson, and other Bore3 of Jhe United
deliverance of all—you escape a public statue.

Kingdom Alliance, have been pestering the Government

with inquiries pressing them to say when they intend to

introduce their promised Bill relative to the Licensing

StranpP Things Do Harmon System. Let us hear no more of the Licensing System,

btrange IJiings Uo Happen. ^ dog.iicencea and armorial-bearings licences,

Mrs. Malaprop says she remembers years ago making an observation about an ' and the proposed gun-licence, we have quite enough of the
" Allegory on the banks of the Nile," but that she never expected to live to read of licensing system already. In fact, what we now want is
one being caught in the Thames. i liberty and not licence.

Vol. 58.

6