Punch (73.1877)

AN EPICURE.

"Oh, George, I'm ashamed of you—rubbing your Lips like that, after that dear litiie Fi-ench Girl has given you
a Kiss !"

tl T '

I'm not bubbing it out. Mammy'—I'm rubbing it inl"

BULL'S EYE ON BOBBY.

" Quia custodiet ipsos
Custodes ? "

Br your leave ! 'Tis my eye, not yours, must look,

And closely, too, into this darkling nook.

This is no time to turn off lights, nor try

To hush things up, or " square " them'on the sly.

Not more for John Bull's than for Bobby's sake,

From Bobby now Bull's hand Bull's-eye must take,

Till best and worst he for himself has seen.

If Scotland Yard he foul, what place is clean ?

Compact 'twixt Crime and Constable! My friend,

It there have been such games, those games must end.

Rascality's contagious, like the itch,

And rogues may taint rogue-catchers : touching pitch,

And touching it sub rosd, in a mask,

Is, and has still been, an unwholesome task.

Justice must lay her sleuth-hounds on the trail

Of lurking villany, and if they fail,

Lured off the scent, the criminal community

May dodge the Sword of Justice with impunity.

I d have no French Yidocq in Bobby's shape,

Masked in familiar helm and coat and cape,

Nor yet a flat by the first sharp beguiled ;

Neither a Dogberry nor a Jonathan Wild,

Is my ideal guard of public purse

And public peace : each in his way's a curse.

Fiction has fabled, 'till the 'cute detective,

Like the king in Egyptian perspective,

Has loomed so large upon the public view,

He takes the mob in, and their masters too.

The Argus of the Penny Dreadful Schtol,

Shrunk t > a vulgar cross of knave and fool!

Meanwhile a rogue's a rogue. Thief's revelation

Aimed at Thief-takers, needs corroboration.

Lives that contrive, and that detect, rascality,

Can scarcely claim to stand on an equality.

You may be sure John Bull, if he lends ears,

Gives not belief to all that Bow Street hears,

Nor finds the British Public in the crowd,

That for Informer against Force is loud.

Ere I believe I would have solid ground;

So, by your leave, I '11 take a close look round.

Consid'ring what I pay, 'twere rather hard,

Were Crime's head-centre found in Scotland Yard !

POLICE AND POTATOES.

An Order in Council under the Destructive Insects Act, provides
that—■

" If the owner of, or any person having under his charge, any crop of
potatoes or other crop, or vegetable, or substance, finds, or knows to be found,
thereon, the Colorado Beetle, in any stage of existence, he sball, with all
practicable speed, give notice of the fact of the same being so found to a con-
stable of the police establishment of the place where the same is found. The
constable shall forthwith give notice thereof to the L'ical Authority, and the
Local Authority shall forthwith give notice thereof, by telegraph, to the
Privy Council."

In the meantime is the person who first finds the Colorado Beetle
required to squelch him and stamp him out, or else, besides giving
notice of his having been discovered, give him in charge to the
policeman ? Is Bobby enjoined to destroy him, or bound only to
collar the Colorado Beetle, and take him up, and beyond that, do no
more than run him in ? If so, whilst correspondence concerning
him is going on between the Local Authority and the Privy Council,
may not the Colorado Beetle detained at the station-house contrive
to escape out of custody, and proceed anew to devour potatoes, and,
with his peculiarly prolific power, diffuse his family over the
fields ?

The Greatest M.P. Left in Town.—Big Ben.