DOI Heft:
January 28, 1860
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16865#0049
January 28, 1800.]
PUNCH, CP. THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
4!
A TOBACCO CONGRESS.
(From oar Foreign Intelligencer.)
that memorable
settle the affairs
easures have already been in-
stituted for the due accommo-
dation of the Plenipotentiaries
who are to attend the proposed
Congress, in case that great
assembly is destined to come
off.
The ultimate object of these
arrangements is to facilitate
the despatch of the important
business which the representa-
tives of the Great Powers will
be commissioned to transact.
The principle on which the
preparations in question are
based is suggested by the cir-
cumstances under which their
Imperial Majesties the Em-
perors op France and Aus-
tria, meeting, discussed and
came to an agreement on the
preliminaries of the Treaty of
occasion, met, and talked over
of many millions of men, with
Villafranca. Their Imperial Majesties, on
the politics of Italy, and were enabled to
cigars in their mouths.
it is this consideration which has generated the idea, that the questions to be brought
under the consideration of Congress shall be debated whilst smoking. Hence has arisen the
necessity for the arrangements above intimated.
These provisions, summarily stated, are liquor and tobacco, with their accessories. In
detail, they include, besides wines, spirits, and cigars of all the higher qualities, Bristol
Bird’s Eye, Turkey, Latakia, Cut Cavendish, C’Naster, and Common Shag, together with
an adequate proportion of pipes and beer. The latter will comprise all varieties of malt
liquor from stingo to swipes, which may be preferred by some of the illustrious diplomatists,
who, nevertheless, think no small beer of them-
selves. The former will embrace every species
of meerschaum, hookah, cutty-pipe, narghile, and
churchwarden.
Spittoons of a rich and chaste construction, in
gold, will be provided for the use of the high
contracting parties. The manufacture of these
utensils has been entrusted to the eminent jewel-
lers Messrs. Beryl. The Plenipotentiaries will
be empowered to carry away their gold spittoons
together with the customary allotment of dia-
mond snuff-boxes.
_ The thought which has presided over the crea-
tion of these conditions for the session of Con-
gress is, that of converting this European
convention into a veritable Divan; in which
grave questions, pondered by diplomacy behind
a pipe, will receive a sober consideration from
those who well know how not to take too much
brandy-and-water.
Nevertheless, it will be in the power of this
grand modern council of Amphictyon, to imi-
tate, if it pleases, the wisdom of the ancient
Scythians, and discuss all matters submitted to
its consideration twice; the first time during a
state of intoxication, and, secondly, when so-
briety shall have resumed her sway ; so that its
determinations may not, on the one hand, want
vigour, nor, on the other discretion.
It is not too much to hope that the Sachems
of the smoking Congress will conclude their
labours by passing round the pipe of peace.
The only possible obstacle to this desirable result
will be, the deplorable obstinacy of a sovereign
who persists in obsolete pretensions, and who, it
he will not accept the cigarette which will be
offered him, will be recommended to put nothing
whatever in his pipe, and smoke it.
THE RIGHTS O’ MAN.
(.A Southern Version of them, in hlaclc and white.)
In the Rights o’ Man Idubelieve, with Washington and Jefferson ;
But from them ondying patriots a pint or two I deffers on:
In their noble declaration they oughter set out fuller,
That black and white stands oppemA?, in rights as well as colour.
They’d no pesky abolitionists, a hatchin’ revoloot.ions
To upset our Southern chivalry’s domestic instit.ootions ;
If they’d a’ know’d such varmint as in Greely’s Tribune figgers.
They’d a’ had two declarations—one for whites, and one for niggers.
To supply this ’ere omission is what I du propose to.
And this ’ere’s the sum and substance, pretty much, o’ what I goes tu;
White rights is all whites likes to take; and as for blacks—(I’m sick
o’ them)—
Waal, I guess their rights, is jest what’s left, when the whites has
had their pick o’ them.
(though it’s what I kinder scorn tu)
and cowhides both whites and blacks was
Or, stoopin’ to perticlars
I conclude that chains
born tu.
With this slight difference, that whites was for their active use meaut,
Blacks, for suff’rin on ’em passive, for white profit or amusement.
The corner-stone of all white rights,—and there ain’t nowheres a
bigger—
Is the innate right of every white to wop his private nigger.
And all I doubts is whether the right’s bounded to his private one,
And don’t reach to niggers gin’rally, whene’er you can let drive at one.
In course I hold there’s dooties that correspond to rights, Sir,
(The first belongs to niggers, and the second all to whites, Sir :)
So, if the white exerts his right, to cowhide, and don’t spare it.
The correlative black dooty is fur to grin and bear it.
The white man’s right to freedom’s wide as universal natur;
But beyond the Mason-Dixon line the black’s ain’t wuth a tatur,
In fact, I ravther calkilate, that this side of it, either.
If nat’rai justice had its way, ’t aint wuth a tatur, neither.
The white he has a heaven-born right to make the black his chattel.
And chattels can’t be citizens (see Puffendorf and Vattel) :
But in our magnanimity the exclusion we relaxes.
And gives blacks the right o’citizens, as fur as payin taxes.
This makes the critters sarcy, till from inch to ell extendin,
On the priv’lege of tax-paying they would hook that of tax-spendin .-
And the next thing ’ll be askin place on the electral rolls, Sir,
Till at last I shouldn’t wonder if they set up claims to souls, Sir.
By way o’ mild corrective to such doctrines underminin,
This declaration I submit for gin’ral nigger siguiii;
With gradooated punishments for those who fail or falter—
To begin with tar and feathers, and to wind up with a halter.
“ I, Blank—a nigger born and bred—hereby make declaration,
I havn’t no rights to nuthin—name, church, vote, home, nor nation ;
For the blessins of my slavish state I’m grateful to my master.
Who feeds and clothes and flogs me fust, and then pays for the plaster.
“ Should 1 be so onlucky as fur to sink to freedom.
And be druv to cast iny chains aside, however much I need ’em,
I declare I won’t stay in this state, to cut that frightful figger,
That it stands to reason must be cut, by a mis’rabie free nigger.
“ For New-England or the Canadies I straightway will absquatulate,
That on one free nigger more them States themselves they may congra-
tulate ;
So to pay for their free-negroism the abolition varmint,
Who backed up old Osawatomie, and said there warn’t no harm in’t.
“If cotched at liberty, myself illused I du consider
If I ain’t took up and sold right out unto the highest bidder:
And cheerfully I will go back to chains, cowhide, and collar.
So help me Gin’ral Washington, and ‘The Almighty Dollar! ’ ”
The Maine-iac’s Advice.
“ Friend ! Imitate the example of the railway-engine. He is the
greatest, teetotaller running—can keep up for hours at the rate of forty,
and even sixty, miles an hour—and whistles over his work all the while;
and yet he never takes anything but water when he wants to wet his
whistle ! ”
Old Eeaux of Brown Bess.
There are probably some old martinets who still retain their
admiration of old Brown Bess as she was when she wore powder in her
prime; and who contend that she was preferable at that, early period
to what she became when, before discarded for her Enfield rival, she
took to wearing caps.
Yol. 38.
2—2
PUNCH, CP. THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
4!
A TOBACCO CONGRESS.
(From oar Foreign Intelligencer.)
that memorable
settle the affairs
easures have already been in-
stituted for the due accommo-
dation of the Plenipotentiaries
who are to attend the proposed
Congress, in case that great
assembly is destined to come
off.
The ultimate object of these
arrangements is to facilitate
the despatch of the important
business which the representa-
tives of the Great Powers will
be commissioned to transact.
The principle on which the
preparations in question are
based is suggested by the cir-
cumstances under which their
Imperial Majesties the Em-
perors op France and Aus-
tria, meeting, discussed and
came to an agreement on the
preliminaries of the Treaty of
occasion, met, and talked over
of many millions of men, with
Villafranca. Their Imperial Majesties, on
the politics of Italy, and were enabled to
cigars in their mouths.
it is this consideration which has generated the idea, that the questions to be brought
under the consideration of Congress shall be debated whilst smoking. Hence has arisen the
necessity for the arrangements above intimated.
These provisions, summarily stated, are liquor and tobacco, with their accessories. In
detail, they include, besides wines, spirits, and cigars of all the higher qualities, Bristol
Bird’s Eye, Turkey, Latakia, Cut Cavendish, C’Naster, and Common Shag, together with
an adequate proportion of pipes and beer. The latter will comprise all varieties of malt
liquor from stingo to swipes, which may be preferred by some of the illustrious diplomatists,
who, nevertheless, think no small beer of them-
selves. The former will embrace every species
of meerschaum, hookah, cutty-pipe, narghile, and
churchwarden.
Spittoons of a rich and chaste construction, in
gold, will be provided for the use of the high
contracting parties. The manufacture of these
utensils has been entrusted to the eminent jewel-
lers Messrs. Beryl. The Plenipotentiaries will
be empowered to carry away their gold spittoons
together with the customary allotment of dia-
mond snuff-boxes.
_ The thought which has presided over the crea-
tion of these conditions for the session of Con-
gress is, that of converting this European
convention into a veritable Divan; in which
grave questions, pondered by diplomacy behind
a pipe, will receive a sober consideration from
those who well know how not to take too much
brandy-and-water.
Nevertheless, it will be in the power of this
grand modern council of Amphictyon, to imi-
tate, if it pleases, the wisdom of the ancient
Scythians, and discuss all matters submitted to
its consideration twice; the first time during a
state of intoxication, and, secondly, when so-
briety shall have resumed her sway ; so that its
determinations may not, on the one hand, want
vigour, nor, on the other discretion.
It is not too much to hope that the Sachems
of the smoking Congress will conclude their
labours by passing round the pipe of peace.
The only possible obstacle to this desirable result
will be, the deplorable obstinacy of a sovereign
who persists in obsolete pretensions, and who, it
he will not accept the cigarette which will be
offered him, will be recommended to put nothing
whatever in his pipe, and smoke it.
THE RIGHTS O’ MAN.
(.A Southern Version of them, in hlaclc and white.)
In the Rights o’ Man Idubelieve, with Washington and Jefferson ;
But from them ondying patriots a pint or two I deffers on:
In their noble declaration they oughter set out fuller,
That black and white stands oppemA?, in rights as well as colour.
They’d no pesky abolitionists, a hatchin’ revoloot.ions
To upset our Southern chivalry’s domestic instit.ootions ;
If they’d a’ know’d such varmint as in Greely’s Tribune figgers.
They’d a’ had two declarations—one for whites, and one for niggers.
To supply this ’ere omission is what I du propose to.
And this ’ere’s the sum and substance, pretty much, o’ what I goes tu;
White rights is all whites likes to take; and as for blacks—(I’m sick
o’ them)—
Waal, I guess their rights, is jest what’s left, when the whites has
had their pick o’ them.
(though it’s what I kinder scorn tu)
and cowhides both whites and blacks was
Or, stoopin’ to perticlars
I conclude that chains
born tu.
With this slight difference, that whites was for their active use meaut,
Blacks, for suff’rin on ’em passive, for white profit or amusement.
The corner-stone of all white rights,—and there ain’t nowheres a
bigger—
Is the innate right of every white to wop his private nigger.
And all I doubts is whether the right’s bounded to his private one,
And don’t reach to niggers gin’rally, whene’er you can let drive at one.
In course I hold there’s dooties that correspond to rights, Sir,
(The first belongs to niggers, and the second all to whites, Sir :)
So, if the white exerts his right, to cowhide, and don’t spare it.
The correlative black dooty is fur to grin and bear it.
The white man’s right to freedom’s wide as universal natur;
But beyond the Mason-Dixon line the black’s ain’t wuth a tatur,
In fact, I ravther calkilate, that this side of it, either.
If nat’rai justice had its way, ’t aint wuth a tatur, neither.
The white he has a heaven-born right to make the black his chattel.
And chattels can’t be citizens (see Puffendorf and Vattel) :
But in our magnanimity the exclusion we relaxes.
And gives blacks the right o’citizens, as fur as payin taxes.
This makes the critters sarcy, till from inch to ell extendin,
On the priv’lege of tax-paying they would hook that of tax-spendin .-
And the next thing ’ll be askin place on the electral rolls, Sir,
Till at last I shouldn’t wonder if they set up claims to souls, Sir.
By way o’ mild corrective to such doctrines underminin,
This declaration I submit for gin’ral nigger siguiii;
With gradooated punishments for those who fail or falter—
To begin with tar and feathers, and to wind up with a halter.
“ I, Blank—a nigger born and bred—hereby make declaration,
I havn’t no rights to nuthin—name, church, vote, home, nor nation ;
For the blessins of my slavish state I’m grateful to my master.
Who feeds and clothes and flogs me fust, and then pays for the plaster.
“ Should 1 be so onlucky as fur to sink to freedom.
And be druv to cast iny chains aside, however much I need ’em,
I declare I won’t stay in this state, to cut that frightful figger,
That it stands to reason must be cut, by a mis’rabie free nigger.
“ For New-England or the Canadies I straightway will absquatulate,
That on one free nigger more them States themselves they may congra-
tulate ;
So to pay for their free-negroism the abolition varmint,
Who backed up old Osawatomie, and said there warn’t no harm in’t.
“If cotched at liberty, myself illused I du consider
If I ain’t took up and sold right out unto the highest bidder:
And cheerfully I will go back to chains, cowhide, and collar.
So help me Gin’ral Washington, and ‘The Almighty Dollar! ’ ”
The Maine-iac’s Advice.
“ Friend ! Imitate the example of the railway-engine. He is the
greatest, teetotaller running—can keep up for hours at the rate of forty,
and even sixty, miles an hour—and whistles over his work all the while;
and yet he never takes anything but water when he wants to wet his
whistle ! ”
Old Eeaux of Brown Bess.
There are probably some old martinets who still retain their
admiration of old Brown Bess as she was when she wore powder in her
prime; and who contend that she was preferable at that, early period
to what she became when, before discarded for her Enfield rival, she
took to wearing caps.
Yol. 38.
2—2