Punch: Punch (38.1860)

229

June 9, i860.] PUNCH, CP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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'BROWN RECEIVES ORDERS TO PARADE AT HEAD QUARTERS FOR
THE PURPOSE OF “MARCHING OUT!"

Brown (log.). “ Call this Playing at Soldiers, indeed ! I’d much rather be
■before ‘ a Hot Fire/ I know ! ” [Nevertheless Brown sticks to his duty like a man.

GLORY IN THE GRASP OP PRANCE.

Beauteous France has now a chance
To win immortal glory,

Not by triumph in the dance,

Nor yet by conquest gory.

Let her stand, and hold her hand,

With England’s linked together,

Leaving Garibaldi’s band
The storm of war to weather.

Soon, would she with us agree,

On strict non-interference,

Of all oppressors Italy l

Would make a ^borough clearance ;

Soon expel, or quickly quell,

King, Kaiser, Priest fanatic,

Free, as Somebody said well.

From1 Alps to Adriatic.

Lasting Fame Naboleon’s name
Would shout with acclamation ;

If he would abjure the game,

So mean, of annexation :

To the end lie did pretend
When first the ball lie started,

Would he be so good a friend
As not to prove false-hearted.

France for bright ideas to fight
Vaunts herself—to free a
Land enslaved by foreign might
What a fine idea!

If she “fought,” for this, nor thought
Of prey, to France all honour;

Base advantage if she sought,

False Humbug!—out upon her !

An Old Stupid.

A Married Philosopher, whose views respecting
nursery-management, fashions, domestic economy, and
minor morals, have long experienced a steady opposition,
describes the reflective and analytical intellect as “ That
divine faculty of Reason which distinguishes Man from
Woman.”

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

May 31. Thursday. Whitsuntide Holidays over, the Lower Class
Form returned to resume its studies at "Westminster School, but the
Upper Class Form had an extension of leave until the following
Monday.

In Committee of Supply on the Army Estimates, General Peel
complained that we have not soldiers enough. He paid a very high
compliment to the Volunteers, who would, he believed, be a patriotic
and invaluable force, but they must be used as Auxiliaries only.
Hereupon Mr. Bunch heartily concurs with the Ex-War-Minister, the
■material of which the Household Guard is composed being much too
■valuable to be used in any sort of fighting except pro aris et focis ; or,
•as the Wiscount translates it, for our own areas and our own folks.
After some words from Deedes in favour of the Yeomanry, who have
always done what Hamlet calls “Yeoman’s service,” and ought not to
he neglected, an Irish party named Conolly attacked Mr. Sidney
Herbert, and called him a Monster Poacher, justifying that pleasing
epithet by alleging that as Secretary for War he interfered with certain
Irish fisheries, by buying land for the public and building defences
thereon. The Monster, in reply, said that the public paid—and very
highly—for any land that was required by the Executive, and ought to
have the same rights over their purchased property as any other buyer.
The Committee thought Mr. Conolly’s case a fishy one, and that
Mars had a perfect right to enter Pisces, without leave from Taurus,
the Irish Bull.

Then did De Lacy Evans take to task the Monster for having
recently conferred the Colonelcy of a Regiment upon General Grey.
This lucky officer is the Private Secretary to Pield- Marshal the
Prince Consort, and it is universally admitted that he serves his gal-
lant Commander in the most unimpeachable way. GREYwrit.es a toler-
able hand, with facility, and with the aid of a little Diamond Dictionary
of the English Language, presented to him by Princess Alice on one
New Year’s Day, as a small token of respect and esteem, he manages
to avoid any very flagrant errors in spelling. He folds a note with

neatness, always minds that there is adhesive stuff on the flap of the
envelope, or if there is none, he secures it with gum of his own dis-
solving, and he is singularly careful in putting the proper Post Office
initial in the right hand lower corner of the direction. He has always
ostage stamps in his desk, or in a very pretty little silver-gilt fusee-
ox, presented to him by Princess Beatrice on his wedding-day, as
a small token of respect and esteem. And he is very particular in
posting the letters, and when at Buckingham Palace often runs over
with them himself to the pillar-box near the Duchy of Cornwall office,
for as he justly remarks, servants are so careless about letters. The
early copy of Punch, which is regularly sent to the Palace on Tuesday
morning,"he always sews, and cuts it very nicely with a pretty ivory
paper-knife, which was presented to him by the three Princesses on
his birthday, as a small token of respect and esteem, and which has the
names Alice, Louisa, and Beatrice, engraved on the handle. The
Field-Marshal, if parting with him at any time, would, Mr. Punch
happens to know, kindly give Grey this character, and would add a
testimonial to his industry, his intelligence, and (although he is brother
to Earl Grey) his civility. Well, it may be supposed that the Duke
of Cambridge, in his frequent visits to his Royal Cousin, must have
noticed Grey, and very likely may have said to the Prince that he
seemed to have got a very decent kind of fellow there, and Sidney
Herbert, who, as War-Minister, must often have had to ask advice
from H.R.H. the Pield-Marshal, may also have formed a favourable idea
of the Secretary. Now it so happens that in early life Grey went into
the Army, and having stopped in it ever since has gradually attained to
the rank of General. We need hardly say that he never did anything
particular, though lie happens to have been m Canada when other
people were doing a good deal, and though he is said to have seen ser-
vice, the Service he has seen most of is the second best China service
which Her Majesty has out on days when there is no particular
company to dinner. However, Cambridge and Herbert having the
Colonelcy of a Regiment to give away the other day, good-naturedly,
but really very improperly, gave it to Grey, whereas such a reward
should have been conferred on a soldier! There was a jolly row about
the affair to-night, and the Monster was taunted with passing over old