DOI Heft:
February 11, 1860
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16865#0063
February 11, I860.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
55
.
This is Jones, who thought to slip down by the Rail eap.ly in the Morning,
AND HAVE A GaLLOP WITH THE FOX HOUNDS. On LOOKING OUT OF WINDOW, HE
FINDS IT IS A CLEAR FROSTY MORNING. He SEES A SMALL BOY SLIDING—ACTUALLY
Sliding on the'Pavement opposite!! and—Doesn’t he hate that Boy—and
Doesn’t he say it is a beastly Climate! !
A LiTTLE TOUR IN FRANCE.
“ Me. Punch, Sir,
“ I am obliged to you for your invitation to me to give you a full and
graphic account of the visit,* which at your request, I have just made to the domi-
nions of the Emperor Louis Napoleon. I am the more obliged because I shall
be enabled to confound certain spiteful parties (this is a very spiteful world,
Mr. Punch) who I find have hinted that my temporary absence from England was
caused by what a recent writer on finance prettily called ‘the disturbance of the
desirable equilibrium between receipts and expenditure.’ I paid my laundress
to the last shilling before leaving (including eightpence for the mending one of
my shoes), and yet had another with which to guerdon a postman whose Christmas
box I had forgotten. These details may seem trifling, Mr. Punch, but a great man
has said that the sooner a lie is trampled out the better.
“ You desired me to go to France and adjust with the Emperor and M. Fould
various points in the Commercial Treaty which were too intricate to be settled by
Mr. Cobden. Had I not gone, the Treaty, as you are aware, would never have
been signed.t
“ It may not be necessary for me to describe minutely my journey to the station
near London Bridge, or my progress by rail to the point of embarkation. Suffice
it to say, that the South Eastern Line performed its engagements with its usual
punctuality, and that I am able to speak in favourable terms of a Bath-bun pur-
chased for me by the obliging guard, at Ashford. The whole of the females who
embarked at Folkestone had made up their minds to be ill (though the sea was as
calm as your mind, Mr. Punch) and woman, as usual, did what she had determined
to do. Under the circumstances, and believing that you would wish me to escape
observation as far as possible, (though it is difficult for a distinguished-looking man
of thirty-nine J to avoid it,) I felt myself justified in abstaining from offering any
assistance to any of my fellow-passengers, and in enveloping myself in a cloud of
smoke raised by myself in a comfortable corner under the bridge. § The way some
* Nothing of the kind. We only desired him to send in his bills.
+ This may be true.
t Forty-seven or eight, and looks it.
$ We notice the hint, but decline to pay a bill incurred by our correspondent with our respected
neighbour, Mr. K; r.is. the tobacconist.
of the foolish persons in the cabin groaned and moaned
was very objectionable, and I think those who cannot take
a volunteered voyage without making such helpless idiots
of themselves had better stay at home, or seek inland
recreation.
“Moored alongside Boulogne, and the gangway ascended
(ladies with indifferent ancles complain of its steepness), I
passed into the Douane. My ears are keen, and I detected
an affected sternness in the demand of the gendarme who
inquired whether I had a passport. A glance at his face
showed me that my telegram Pad been received. It was
the Count de M--y, sent on by his imperial patron to
see that no difficulty was thrown in my way. Needless to
say that in another minute I was passed out at the other
door, and amid a chorus of touters recommending the
thousand and one hotels of Boulogne to my patronage, I
caught a well-known voice, that suggested “Hotel du
Nord.” Of course he would recommend anything Du
Nord—that Walewski—no admirer of despotism like
your converted patriot. However, as I knew that he had
been ordered to give me the hint, I took it, the rather
that I have loved Muhlberque’s ever since the evening
when at the table d'hote 1 induced the sparkling yet
affectionate Anna Matilda * * * * to own that of
all the-but I will not intrude these recollections upon
you. I went to the Hotel du Nord, in Five Bob Street,
Boulogne.
“ I shall have occasion hereafter to allude to what I ate
and drank, and therefore will only remark, that my duty
to my country dictated my denying myself nothing that
could tend to make me comfortable and fit for the duty
which you had imposed upon me. But shortly before
eight o’clock I threw over me a noble Inverness cape
(would I could have ‘ thrown in ’ some noble Inverness
whiskey, not that the Marasquin was had, but ’tis woman’s
drink, Mr. Punch *), and lighting a cigarette, I proceeded
to the end of the eastern pier. It was deserted. Moonlight,
played upon the lapping and plashing billows, and shone
out on the big letters all along the roof of the Imperial
Hotel. Tlte pier lighthouse had been newly whitewashed,
not without a purpose.
“ Lightly humming to myself the favourite French
chanson which I have so often heard on the pier amid
crowds of perfumed and crinolined matrons, ‘ Comment,
Madame—er, n'avez-vous pas un marl?' I lighted a second
cigarette. The signal was noticed, and in another instant
Th ree Men stood at the end of that pier, far out in tlte
waters. Tlte first was your Correspondent. The Second
was M. Fould, who had for some reason disguised himself
as a Jew with beard and gaberdine. Tlte Third was the
Elected of the Millions! We saluted, and the next
moment M. Fould signed to a sentinel, whom I had not
previously seen, to prevent our being intruded upon. The
order was not in vain, for during our emphatic colloquy
which followed I heard footsteps approaching—some one
was ordered back, and was contumacious. I heard the
bayonet clash, and the intruder splash heavily iuto the
harbour—but we were engaged on too important a business
to notice trifles.t
“ What passed between those Three Men must be
known only by the Treaty. How its provisions were then
discussed and re-discussed will never be known at all.
We drew out our pencils (a gold one handed to me bv
the Emperor I shall retain, though I do not approve of
every act of his life j), and the lighthouse, newly white-
washed, was covered, as high as the hand could reach, with
our chiffres—our calculations. It was whitewashed again
before the public were admitted in the morning, and as
tlte whitewashers might have revealed secrets,they were,
at the conclusion of their job, deported to Cayenne, lot-
no great good was ever achieved without a little suffering.
“ The Treaty was completed. How the trio spent the
remainder of that night need not be said. Perhaps we
went to the Cafe Vermond, and played at dominoes.
Perhaps we went to the Cate Martin, and played billiards,
and perhaps that old Hebrew Fould tried to do the old
lady out of three sous, arid failed in a remarkable manner.
Perhaps we disguised ourselves a la matelote and went
into the Fisherman’s town, and exchanged harmless jokes
with the younger and prettier mermaids. Perhaps we
* This burst of epicurean sentimentalism means something, we
suppose, or we should excise the whiskey.
t This anecdote we firmly believe to be an outrageous and
gratuitous tie.
} If the Emperor lias really given you anything, and it is worth
having, you will leave it at the office, if you please.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
55
.
This is Jones, who thought to slip down by the Rail eap.ly in the Morning,
AND HAVE A GaLLOP WITH THE FOX HOUNDS. On LOOKING OUT OF WINDOW, HE
FINDS IT IS A CLEAR FROSTY MORNING. He SEES A SMALL BOY SLIDING—ACTUALLY
Sliding on the'Pavement opposite!! and—Doesn’t he hate that Boy—and
Doesn’t he say it is a beastly Climate! !
A LiTTLE TOUR IN FRANCE.
“ Me. Punch, Sir,
“ I am obliged to you for your invitation to me to give you a full and
graphic account of the visit,* which at your request, I have just made to the domi-
nions of the Emperor Louis Napoleon. I am the more obliged because I shall
be enabled to confound certain spiteful parties (this is a very spiteful world,
Mr. Punch) who I find have hinted that my temporary absence from England was
caused by what a recent writer on finance prettily called ‘the disturbance of the
desirable equilibrium between receipts and expenditure.’ I paid my laundress
to the last shilling before leaving (including eightpence for the mending one of
my shoes), and yet had another with which to guerdon a postman whose Christmas
box I had forgotten. These details may seem trifling, Mr. Punch, but a great man
has said that the sooner a lie is trampled out the better.
“ You desired me to go to France and adjust with the Emperor and M. Fould
various points in the Commercial Treaty which were too intricate to be settled by
Mr. Cobden. Had I not gone, the Treaty, as you are aware, would never have
been signed.t
“ It may not be necessary for me to describe minutely my journey to the station
near London Bridge, or my progress by rail to the point of embarkation. Suffice
it to say, that the South Eastern Line performed its engagements with its usual
punctuality, and that I am able to speak in favourable terms of a Bath-bun pur-
chased for me by the obliging guard, at Ashford. The whole of the females who
embarked at Folkestone had made up their minds to be ill (though the sea was as
calm as your mind, Mr. Punch) and woman, as usual, did what she had determined
to do. Under the circumstances, and believing that you would wish me to escape
observation as far as possible, (though it is difficult for a distinguished-looking man
of thirty-nine J to avoid it,) I felt myself justified in abstaining from offering any
assistance to any of my fellow-passengers, and in enveloping myself in a cloud of
smoke raised by myself in a comfortable corner under the bridge. § The way some
* Nothing of the kind. We only desired him to send in his bills.
+ This may be true.
t Forty-seven or eight, and looks it.
$ We notice the hint, but decline to pay a bill incurred by our correspondent with our respected
neighbour, Mr. K; r.is. the tobacconist.
of the foolish persons in the cabin groaned and moaned
was very objectionable, and I think those who cannot take
a volunteered voyage without making such helpless idiots
of themselves had better stay at home, or seek inland
recreation.
“Moored alongside Boulogne, and the gangway ascended
(ladies with indifferent ancles complain of its steepness), I
passed into the Douane. My ears are keen, and I detected
an affected sternness in the demand of the gendarme who
inquired whether I had a passport. A glance at his face
showed me that my telegram Pad been received. It was
the Count de M--y, sent on by his imperial patron to
see that no difficulty was thrown in my way. Needless to
say that in another minute I was passed out at the other
door, and amid a chorus of touters recommending the
thousand and one hotels of Boulogne to my patronage, I
caught a well-known voice, that suggested “Hotel du
Nord.” Of course he would recommend anything Du
Nord—that Walewski—no admirer of despotism like
your converted patriot. However, as I knew that he had
been ordered to give me the hint, I took it, the rather
that I have loved Muhlberque’s ever since the evening
when at the table d'hote 1 induced the sparkling yet
affectionate Anna Matilda * * * * to own that of
all the-but I will not intrude these recollections upon
you. I went to the Hotel du Nord, in Five Bob Street,
Boulogne.
“ I shall have occasion hereafter to allude to what I ate
and drank, and therefore will only remark, that my duty
to my country dictated my denying myself nothing that
could tend to make me comfortable and fit for the duty
which you had imposed upon me. But shortly before
eight o’clock I threw over me a noble Inverness cape
(would I could have ‘ thrown in ’ some noble Inverness
whiskey, not that the Marasquin was had, but ’tis woman’s
drink, Mr. Punch *), and lighting a cigarette, I proceeded
to the end of the eastern pier. It was deserted. Moonlight,
played upon the lapping and plashing billows, and shone
out on the big letters all along the roof of the Imperial
Hotel. Tlte pier lighthouse had been newly whitewashed,
not without a purpose.
“ Lightly humming to myself the favourite French
chanson which I have so often heard on the pier amid
crowds of perfumed and crinolined matrons, ‘ Comment,
Madame—er, n'avez-vous pas un marl?' I lighted a second
cigarette. The signal was noticed, and in another instant
Th ree Men stood at the end of that pier, far out in tlte
waters. Tlte first was your Correspondent. The Second
was M. Fould, who had for some reason disguised himself
as a Jew with beard and gaberdine. Tlte Third was the
Elected of the Millions! We saluted, and the next
moment M. Fould signed to a sentinel, whom I had not
previously seen, to prevent our being intruded upon. The
order was not in vain, for during our emphatic colloquy
which followed I heard footsteps approaching—some one
was ordered back, and was contumacious. I heard the
bayonet clash, and the intruder splash heavily iuto the
harbour—but we were engaged on too important a business
to notice trifles.t
“ What passed between those Three Men must be
known only by the Treaty. How its provisions were then
discussed and re-discussed will never be known at all.
We drew out our pencils (a gold one handed to me bv
the Emperor I shall retain, though I do not approve of
every act of his life j), and the lighthouse, newly white-
washed, was covered, as high as the hand could reach, with
our chiffres—our calculations. It was whitewashed again
before the public were admitted in the morning, and as
tlte whitewashers might have revealed secrets,they were,
at the conclusion of their job, deported to Cayenne, lot-
no great good was ever achieved without a little suffering.
“ The Treaty was completed. How the trio spent the
remainder of that night need not be said. Perhaps we
went to the Cafe Vermond, and played at dominoes.
Perhaps we went to the Cate Martin, and played billiards,
and perhaps that old Hebrew Fould tried to do the old
lady out of three sous, arid failed in a remarkable manner.
Perhaps we disguised ourselves a la matelote and went
into the Fisherman’s town, and exchanged harmless jokes
with the younger and prettier mermaids. Perhaps we
* This burst of epicurean sentimentalism means something, we
suppose, or we should excise the whiskey.
t This anecdote we firmly believe to be an outrageous and
gratuitous tie.
} If the Emperor lias really given you anything, and it is worth
having, you will leave it at the office, if you please.