Punch: Punch (38.1860)

January 21, I860.]

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

23

Railway Cleric. “ Hate you got Twopence. Six ?"

Swell. “ I)eaw, No ! Nevaw had Twopence in my life ! ”

Cleric. “ Then I must give you Tenpence in Copper, Sir ! ”

[Swell is immensely delighted, c/ course, i

THE CONVERTED CABMAN.

Don’t ’it your ’oss ’is ’ed across,

But treat him quite contrary,

Best means is fair, I larned that ’ere
Attendin’ Mr. Rarey.

He, all for love, a lectur’ guv
We cab and ’busmen gratis,

And full as true as twice one’s two.

The words as he did state is.

He proved the fact, for bein’ whacked
A ’oss ’as no occasion.

Don’t ’ave recourse, he says, to force.
But take and try persuasion.

And there I seed how that agreed
With that vunce wicious Cruiser,
Which, bein’ shown, all coves must own
How wide-awake his views are.

That there tame thing, around the ring.
As playful as a kitten,

All by a strawr I seen him drawr,

Aud never kicked nor bitten!

Upon the ground, a ’oss, unbound.

Lay, mild as any weather.

He took his ’oofs, for further proofs.
And knocked ’em both together.

On one’s ’ind ’anch, so game and stanch,
I ’ll swear I ain’t a ’ummin’,

A drum he beat, and, no deceit.

That are ’oss stood the drummin’

A ’oss ’as mind, and, next mankind.
Stands foremost in creation,—
Regardin’ which, treat ’im as sich,

Was Rarey’s obserwation.

With this ’ere vhip my ’oss’s ’ip
I ’ll now touch up no longer.

Upon the rawr; give pain,—what for
When kindness acts the stronger?

To think what I have larned, my eye.
This blessed January!

Well, here’s success to gentleness,

As taught by Mr. Rarey !

MURDER IN JEST,

To Mr. Sleigh, Barrisler-at-Law.

Mr. Sleigh, Mr. Sleigh, pray mind what jokes you make in your
capacity of Advocate. It is quite true that the Mansion House is a
comic tribunal. It is equally undeniable that a squabble between two
gentlemen, named respectively Lazarus Simon Magnus and Henry
Guejdalla, the latter being a member of the Stock Exchange, both of
them shareholders iD the Great Eastern steamship, and the dispute
having originated from an altercation which took place at a meeting of
that body,. must necessarily be an absurd affair. A snobbish, ill-
written, mis-spelt, threatening letter, which one gent, evidently of
the Hebrew persuasion, is accused of sending to another gent, pro-
bably of the same, undoubtedly constitutes a ludicrous case. The
epistle, however, which Mr. Lazarus Simon Magnus, or Simon
Magus, was charged with writing to Mr. Guedalla, contained an
ofler to fight a duel; and in allusion to this, I find you addressing the
subjoined facetious observations to the Lord Mayor :—

“ The only part of the letter which I should have supposed would have excited
attention in these days of Rifle Corps and martial enthusiasm is that which offers
satisfaction, and to which I should hare thought any gentleman feeling himself
insulted would have given his perfect acquiescence, although my learned friend has
told us that duelling has been scouted from among gentlemen.”

Now, Mr. Sleigh, tins is a sort of fun of which I hope that you
will give us no more. To jest, in a court of justice, even though in
the Mansion House, and before the Mayor, on fear, imputed to one
gent, of fighting another gent, is mischievous waggery. It is not so
very long since two linendraper’s assistants fought a duel; one of
them was killed, the survivor and the seconds were tried for murder,
convicted of manslaughter, and imprisoned for some two years. Duel-
ling accordingly lost caste, and we have had little or none of it since the
shop-boy was shot. “In these days,” however, “of Rifle Corps and
martial enthusiasm,” as you say, a revival of the practice is a not
unlikely peril. The world is not getting more intelligent or humane

than it was; brutal duels have lately taken place in France; duels
more brutal still in America.

As to the immorality and wickedness of duelling, I will not say a
word, because if I did you would laugh me to scorn, either for telling
you what you deem a truism, or for asserting principles which you
disbelieve and deride. But I would ask you to.observe, that the preva-
lence of the usage of mortal combat is a dreadful nuisance to anv man
who has brains in Lis head, and objects to have them blown out by the
hands, and at the will, of a blockhead. There was a time, when, if the
greatest fool at large, and occupying the station of a gentleman,
thought proper to give me the lie, the insult itself being contemptibly
false, I was obliged, on pain of infamy, to call him out, and allow him a
chance of shooting me through the head, or any other part of the body
situated in front.

Fancy the plague which it would now be, to be forced to incur the
risk not merely of the loss of life, but even that of the loss of a limb,
for a cause of no more concern to you than the bark of a dog!
Observe, that the risk would be all your own; for what wise man
would shoot the fool lie was compelled to challenge, and consequently
have to stand a trial for his life, and at least get found guilty of man-
slaughter, which is felony, and entails loss of goods and chattels; as
you ought to know. So, no more jokes on the subject of duelling, if
you love me; your gentle monitor,

Laurels for Laurie.

Sir Peter is as good as ever. His mind is like a Stilton, the older
it grows, the more it is appreciated by those who partake of the
luxury. Lately, he was talking about the “oppressious ” weather, and
remarked, with a degree of candour that every one was charmed with,
that lie “ really felt half-stupid.” “ Persevere, my dear Sir Peter,”
said Daniel Whittle Harvey, as lie patted him encouragingly on
the back, “ and you may find the missing half, for I am sure if is of nc
use to any one but the owner.”