Punch: Punch (38.1860)

2 53

Juxe 30. i^ou.j PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

.

A PICTURE FOR THE INTEMPERATE.

Photographer. “Now, Sib, step in and have your Likeness taken. It might

BE USEFUL TO YOUR FAMILY ! ”

THE HOUSE OF LORDS ON A HOBBY.

Avaunt Reform ! from Wine and Beer
Proceed we to affairs of weight.

Hear, all ye people, England, hear
On higher things a grand debate,

Profound, yet lucid as the beam

That darts from Light’s perpetual source,

The speakers noble Lords ; the theme—

That noble animal the horse.

Who drives fat oxen should be fat
Himself; and ’tis a rule as true
When noble beasts are canvassed, that
Debaters should be noble too.

A Redesdale’s, Granville’s, Beaufort’s name
Such high discussion well may grace.

And all the House of Stanley’s fame,

Inseparable from the Race.

Derby, how precious were thy brains,

Were England but a stable; great
No hand as thine to hold the reins,

And drive the chariot of the State !

Thy stud thy study thou hast made;

Ah! couldst thou rule as well as ride,

Our counsels were by judgment swayed,

With knowledge earnestly applied.

Taxes, ye Peers, could you adjust
Like Jockeys’ weights, with rightful skill,

The Commons would be glad to trust
lour Lordships with a Money Bill.

Your horses soon, yourselves and they,

You’d put together; hand-in-hand
Would laugh your Paper War away,

And we should all sing “ Happy Land.55

0 constitutional as wise
In horseflesh, yet you could forbear.

So highly Privilege you prize.

To arrogate the Turf’s own care.

To vote a Horse Bill you decline;

In that good mind for ever dwell
Nor e’er intrench on others’ line,

Not understood, perhaps, as well.

I

!

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

June 18. Monday, and the rest of the week. Eield-Marshal
the Honourable Mr. Punch wants to be off to the Yolunteer
Review, and cannot spare the time to pick out the very small needles
which may possibly lurk in the Parliamentary Bottle of Hay for the
J week.

The House of Lords has thrown out the Bill for the Abolition of
Church Rates, and lays the entire fault upon the House of Commons,
which so completely changed its mind upon the subject as to reduce
its majorities from 70 to 9. So that matter happily stands over to be
a bone of contention for new Sessions. Lord Raynham’s Bill, for
enabling Magistrates to flog Brutes who beat women, has been thrown
out,—after passing a Second Reading,—practical men saying that the
women would not be really benefited by the proposed legislation. The
Police Magistrates think that the “ Sixer ” is a very effective preventive,
and at all events ought to be tried for a considerable time longer.
Divers Estimates have been proceeded with; and a Bill has been read
a Second Time in the Lords for enabling Prisoners in dock to plead
something else than “ Not Guilty,” which they do not understand to
be as much a form as “ Not at Home,” and merely to mean “I want
to be tried, and to take my chance of the fellows in wigs finding me a
loophole.’’ That is about all E.M. Punch has time to write, for his
Carriage is at the door, or else he might perhaps have added some
J remarks upon Lord John Russell’s mystifications about the Swiss and
Savoy question, upon which that Noble Lord has been taken to severe
task by Sir Robert Peel. But politics will keep, and Reviews will
not; and so no more of Parliament at present from the world’s
affectionate friend and obedient Master,

A LUCID EXPLANATION.

In the account of Her Majesty’s Levee on the 20th, persons
ignorant of Court customs must have been puzzled by the notice
that—

“ The day, being the Anniversary of Her Majesty’s Accession, was observed as
a collar-day.”

We can fancy Mr. Hodge in the tap-room of the Chequers opening j

his eyes on spelling through this passage, and asking Mr. Hobnail i o j

explain to him the meaning of it. _ Whereto Mr. Hobnail, after taking j

sundry whiffs to assist his meditation, might be imagined to make !

answer, “Why, dang it, Maester Hodge, I’ll tell ’ee what’s the
meanun on’t. Y’ zee them Riyal annivussaries they be alius kep as
’ollidays, leastways they be in Lunnun zo, fur ’oliidays y’ zee they
baint not nigh so scace with them ’ere Lunneners as they be with you
and I, acos y’ zee as how the faermers can’t erzackly shut up shop,
zeeun as how the filds be alius open to be worked in, and zo y’ zee
them Lunneners when they gits a’olliday they goes and jumps in sacks,
and wheels a barrer blind-eyed, and climbs a greasy pole, and plays at
them there zarts o’ geames, but y’ zee them chaps at Coort why they
be more arisstocratic-like, and zo y’ see they zeeks more intellectiwal
injyments, and zo y’ zee they goos a-grinnun drough a hoss-coller,
which they drops the ‘boss’ in speakun on’t acos they thinks it
wulgar, and zo y’ see that’s why the Riyal ’olliday be tarmed at Coort
a collar-day, and zo per’aps you ’ll ztand a pint to drink Her Majesty’s
good health, fur arter this here talkun my droat be ’nition husky.”

A Title of Honour.

a trifle erom a stable.

Mr. Punch is requested to state that a new novel, called Main-
stone’s PLouselceeper, is not a Life of Lore Palmerston.

Should M. Edmund About, the Imperial Pamphleteer, be en-
nobled for the ingenuity he has shown in his various lucubrations for
promotion of the Imperial policy, we should suggest for his title
“ About de ses Ressources.”