Punch: Punch (38.1860)

February 25. 1*60.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Experienced Young Fellow. “ Ah, Clara, you should have seen the Pantomines
that I ’ve seen ; these modern affairs ain’t half so good.”

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, Feb. 13. Lord Chelmsford’s Bill for doing away with the
Grand Jury Nuisance within the metropolitan police district was read
a second time, with the approval of Lords Campbell and Brougham.
Lord Wensleldale, who was put into the Lords simply and solely
because it was thought he must have picked up a good deal of legal
knowledge which might be useful when Law Bills were discussed, and
who therefore takes every opportunity of protesting against any law
reform, made his usual grumble. He is Wensleydale of Walton,
but it ought to have been Walton-on-the-Nays. However, his
objection was very properly unheeded, and the Secret Tribunal, as
Lord Chelmsford called it, will one of these days be as extinct as
the Refime (Ketirijt.

The vestry and inhabitants of St. George’s-in-the-Yeast petitioned
against the doings of the Rev. Bryan O’King. The Bishop of
Exeter said that O’King had done many objectionable things, but
nothing contrary to law, and that a mob ought, not to be allowed to
i interfere. . So said Lord Brougham, who mentioned that he had been
I accused of turning Romanist, because he refused to condemn another
j person for worshipping after his own fashion. Punch would as soon
accuse his old friend of having a Roman nose. The Bishop of
London said, that the presence of sixty policemen in the church had
kept the rioters in awe the last Sunday. Lord Granville said, they
had made as much row as they dared. A highly creditable state of
things altogether. If the police would clear out the mob, and the
I bishop would clear out the parson, a new clergyman might come in
with advantage, though as was said in old time, “ What can the man
' do that cometh after the King.”

Mr. Fitzjurld will no longer wield wild arrums and employ
minacious terrains as an Irish patriot. Judge Perrin retires, and
the Attorney-General for Ireland takes a place on the vinerable
binch of secret Thaymis. Mr. Serjeant Deasy is made easy by
being shoved up to Eitzjurld’s place; and Mr. O’Hagan,' the
Pagan, takes Deasy’s._ So that thrifle of justice to Ireland is adjusted ;
but of course there is a row—somebody has been overlooked or
neglected, as always happens in Ireland.

The Commons had a Chinese Debc :e, which came to nothing, except

A BALLAD ON THE BUDGET

Tune—“ The Dog's Meat Man.”

I find it hard my rent to pay,

That’s due on every Quarter Day,

But then I did, with free consent,

Agree to take this tenement.

I know it was my act and deed ;

But if a tenant comes to need,

He underlets, and off he packs;

But I can’t run away from my Income-Tar.

Sing oh, the heavy Income-Tax,

Unequal burden on our backs,

No greater do my profits wax ! [

But my rulers go on adding to my Income-Tax, !

Before, if earnings chanced to fail,

I could reduce taxation’s scale
By eating and by drinking less.

Or by economy in dress;

But now that luxuries are cheap,

Small gain from abstinence I reap,

And am unable to relax

The stress of that inevitable Income-Tix.

Sing oh, &c.

When I can earn no more, ’tis true
My Income-Tax will then cease too;

But then, what will become of me ?

A wretched pauper I shall be.

For I shall have no money left,

Of what I should have saved bereft,

Since all my thrift that impost sacks, j

The villanons abominable Income-Tax.

Sing oh, &c.

Were I a wealthy Lord or Squire,

The Income-Tax I should admire,

For I should have no need to hoard,

And cheap good things could well afford.

Had I an ample income, sure
That ample income would endure,

I ’d drink, in wines of choicest smacks,

Everlasting imposition to the Income-Tax !

• Sing oh, &c.

that Charley Napier asked for the Victoria Cross for the gallant old
Admiral Hope ; and Charley" is hereby clapped sonorously on the
back for that, piece of good taste and good feeling. After which, Lor#
Clarence Paget moved the Navy Estimates, and got votes for 85,000
men and boys, and about Eive Millions of Sovereigns to pay and feed
them.

Tuesday. Lord Normanby, who lias all the spiteful pertinacity of a
not very wise old man, abused our charge d'affaires at Florence for
attending the official reception of Signor Buoncompagni, the Governor- j
General under the new order of things. There was talk on the subject 1
for about three hours, and it was, of course, made perfectly clear that
our charge had acted quite properly, and that Lord Normanby was
only carping at what was distasteful to his friends the ex-tyrants.
This being Valentine’s Day, Mr. Punch sent the old goose the
following lines:—

“ When young you were a smartish fribble,

Hut now your talk’s the merest dribble :

Don’t kick up such a feeble Shine,

My Pantaloon and Valentino.”

Lord John Russell stated, that the Spaniards had actually forked
out £193,885, which they owed us. We all know how one hates a
creditor who has asked one for a just debt, and the bitterness of the
Spanish press against England just now may be easily understood. If
Spain were more in the habit of paying her debts, she would not
perhaps find it so very disagreeable. Mr. Sfooner brought on the
Maynooth question, and Mr. Patrick O’Brien reminded the House
of O’Connell’s saying, that the worst enemy to religion was a pious
fool. Mr. Newdegate flared up; but Mr. O’Brien explained that
he had not meant to be personal, only playful, and apologised like a
gentleman. The Spooner motion was rejected by 186 to 128 pious
lools, we suppose. The evening ended with some talk about certain
alleged inconveniences to Dissenters at Cambridge, but Lord Stanley
said that all was right,'—so of course it is.

Wednesday. Mr. Mellor’s Bill f°r inflicting terrible punishment on
people who were guilty of bribery was squashed. Mr. Punch rushed
down to the House hearing that something was up about the character
of Mr. Balfe. Thinking it was about his friend Michael, who writes
the elegant operas, Mr. Pune* instantly rose and delivered a splendid