Punch: Punch (38.1860)

136

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 31, I860.


A VISIT TO THE STUDIO.

Mr. Ochre (through whose frame a thrill of horror is supposed to be passing). “ Ugh ! mind what you ’he about, Chabiey. Mind m®
Ophelia; mind my Ophelia! You’ll knock her over, and spoil all her folds!”

FIRE-EATERS AT BRISTOL.

Let us sing; a song of Bristol; how a true and loyal wife
From a death by sword and pistol saved a gallant husband’s life :
Estimable Mrs. Carter kept her husband from a duel,

Else he might have caught a Tartar, and perhaps, have got his gruel.

Carter had a row with Saunders ; what about we need not say,

Hot they waxed as salamanders; angry Carter went away :

In his wrath pen, ink and paper took and wrote ; called Saunders out;
Carter may have been a draper; Saunders was a surgeon stout.

Saunders to the invitation, sent acceptance; and the foes
Eor the battle-field’s location did the Continent propose;

But when Carter got his answer, he, o’er come with blue dismay,
Though a terrible Drawcansir, dropt it in his consort’s way.

j Doctor Saunders, your behaviour fills me with astonishment;

You, of lives that should be saviour, think to fight another gent!
Trigger for your hand to pull it ’gainst your fellow ne’er was made;

To extract the deadly bullet from the body is your trade.

Highty-tighty ! cried the lady, when she found the fatal scroll,
llisk his life and limbs, and, heyday ! peril his immortal soul ?

No, at least not if I know it—to the magistrate I’ll go,

Take this horrid note, and show it; so she said, and she did so.

Then the Mayor sent two sergeants, one of whom was Derges hight,
And the other’s name was Chapman, to prevent the destined fight.
Derges found the valiant Carter ready for the London train.

Thence to Dover, thence to Calais bound to slay or to be slain.

When the sergeant had imparted why and wherefore he was sent.
Carter neither stared nor started, knowing what the visit meant,

To a brace of pistols lying on the table pointed he,

In an off-hand manner crying, with an air of levity:

“ There they are; those little fellows were to do the business ; ” so
Gentlemen of honour jealous jest at bloodshed, pluck to show.
“What!” cried Derges, “kill a man. Sir? sure you wouldn’t”—
smiling grim,

Savage Carter said, in answer—“ Wouldn’t I ? I’d do for him.”

Sergeant Derges did intrust his charge to Chapman, Saunders-
sought,

Found him, and before the justice, glad enough, the pair were brought.
And to keep the peace unbroken in five hundred pounds bound o’er.
Finding, for a further token, sureties of a hundred more.

British jurisdiction Calais not including, there they still,

Might, if obstinate in malice, one would think, each other kill;

But they won’t commit such folly—Saunders happy to escape.
Carter as a sandboy jolly to get out of such a scrape.

Saunders, to thy trepidation joy succeeding, thou mayst laugh ;
Grateful for thy preservation, Carter, clasp thy better half.

Blessing let us wish upon her ! Woman, ever guard our lives ?
Husbands with affairs of honour always tell them to your wives.

A Preternaturally brilliant thing was said upon the stage of the
Adelphi theatre, the other day, at rehearsal. The morning was ex-
tremely wet. Mr. Paul Bedford was on the stage, when enter to
him Mr. Toole. Both abused the weather, for both had been caught
in a shower. “I am wet,” observed Mr. Toole. “ But I am wetter,”
said Mr. Bedford, “ and as my part’s over I shall retire and dry.”
“ Yes,” said a witty author (not translating),

“ Superfluous lugs the wetter ’un on the stage.”

—Punch's Literary Anecdotes.

Only what might be Expected.—The adhesion of Savoy to
tvar.°e is the work of venal Savoyard organs.