180
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[Mat 5, 1860.
foolish country gentlemen to mind what they are about, and not quarrel
with their master.
PUNCH’S ADDRESS TO HIS TORIES.
“Dull men, in the country bred,
Dolts, whom Diz has often led.
If you lose your daring Head,
Farewell victory.
Twice you’ve seen the day and hour,
When he dragged you into power;
That’s a grape you ’ll long find sour,
If unhelped by D.
Who’s to lead you ? Henley grave ?
Classic Lytton, Whiteside brave ?
Walpole, victim to the Shave ?
Where’s your man but B. ?
Who creates the promptest raw,
Pam himself dares strongly jaw,
Gladstone’s figures, Bethell’s law,
Treats contemptuously ?
Lay such pumps as Bentinck low,
Close your ranks in sturdy row,
Will you lose your Chieftain ? No.
Five Disraeli ! ”
At least, if they mean to show any sport for the future, and not be a
mere grumbling, growling, protesting lot, hindering a little but never
acting, the Party will think twice before yielding, to the arrogant,
aristocratic, asinine jealousy that always sets itself against a leader whose
name is not iu the Peerage. However, it is their business, not Mr.
Punch's, who occasionally finds them worth licking w'hile they have a
Head, but will have only to laugh at them in the absence of that
article.
Tuesday. The Lords read, a second time, Lobd Campbell’s Bill for
infusing a little Equity into Law. The old Equity men (you wouldn’t
think that Mr. Punch means Chancery men, but such is the corruption
of language) do not like the change, so it may be inferred that it is for
the good of the public.
The Commons debate was an olla podrida. Mb. A. Smith (not he
of Mont Blanc) complained of the Queen going at low water between
ihe sea, which is hers, and private land, which is not, and claiming a
right over the intermediate space. Sir Richard Bethell Hared up
for his Royal Mistress, and showed that, as usual, all that she had done
was in the interest of the public. If Smith wants to pick up sand
eels and crabs, there is no objection to his filling his hat with .them,
but it is in the highest degree impertinent of him to. interfere with his
'Sovereign. His motion for a Committee on the subject was squashed.
A long Museum debate followed, everybody having views of his. own
■about the collection. Lord Palmerston said it was all a question of
money, and rather seemed to think that the best way would be to clear
out all the stuffed creatures and the rest of the Natural History, and
-so leave room for articles of human manufacture. Mr. Punch does not
entirely concur. Statues, monumental tablets, classical friezes, vases,
and sarcophagi are less interesting to the masses than the study of
natural history. People who are blessed with a taste for the former
articles are usually also blessed with wheeled carriages, or at least
with threepence to ride on the top of an omnibus, a remark which by
no means applies to their humbler fellow citizens. Argal,_ keep the
popular collection within reach of the people, and let the antiquities be
sent elsewhere—stuck over Primrose Hill, or erected at Brompton, if
there is no better place. The London Corporation Bill was read a
second time, Mb. Ayrton delivering an awfully long speech, proving,
■from the history of JEneas’s brother, that the Tower Hamlets ought to
be part of the City of London. The Census Bill, Ladies, was also
■read a second time, Mb. Baines complaining that it made it necessary
for a man to say what religion he professed. We dare say, dears, that
you think this a much smaller grievance than your own.
Wednesday. The Law of Property Bill was discussed in a debate of
great importance and extreme dryness.
Thursday. The Bishop of London came.out strong with a Bill for
re-arranging benefices that are not beneficial to the people, and for
carrying away churches that are useless, and putting them in more
advantageous positions.
The Reform Debate was resumed in the Commons. Mr. Black, a
Liberal, abused it. Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton delivered a set
oration, of great splendour, against it. Mr. Marsh, as a Reformer,
could not support it,. Sir J. Ferguson also attacked it. At length a
speaker arose in its favour, Mr. Denman, who praised it, and then
proceeded to show its incompleteness. Sir J. Walsh attacked it as a
Household Suffrage Bill.; and then Lord John Russell, in wrath,
rushed in to the rescue of his ill-used Pet, and declared it wras a lovely
Bill. He said Mr. Edwin James’s blunder was “ ludicrous: ”
defended his measure on the two grounds, that it would let in a mass
of the working classes, and that it wouldn’t; misquoted Mr. Disraeli
and was set right amid the laughter of the House; and warned people
that if this Reform were not conceded we might see an Ugly Rush—
not him at Madame Tussaud’s, but one predicted last year by
Mr. Henley. The rebel Bentinck then moved the adjournment of
the Debate.
Friday. A neat little spar between the Puseyite Lord Dungannon,
and the Bishop of Carlisle, (who as the Honourable and Reverend
Mr. Villiers was the pet of the young ladies of Mid-London,) excited
some, attention, though it was only about the spiritual necessities of
the diocese of Durham. •
In the Commons, the Reform Bill returns were again discussed, and
most of the speakers (Lord Stanley an exception) declared them
inaccurate. Sir Charles Wood said, that instructions had been given
to find out the names of some vulgar snobs and snobbesses from England,
who lately misconducted themselves in a place of Mahometan worship
at Cairo, and Mr. Punch pledges himself, should the parties be dis-
covered, to make them remember their brutality. Lord John
Russell said that there was going to be a Conference of the Eight
Powers about Savoy, but its jurisdiction was infinitesimal.
Three crack speeches were delivered by Mr. Whiteside, Mr.
Bright, and Mr. Disraeli on the Trelawny Bill for abolishing
Church-Rates, and then, on division, the Second Reading was carried
by the tiny majority of 9—namely, 235 to 226. The Conservatives
actually shouted.for more than five minutes at this dwindling down of
the usual majority, and they consider the Bill smashed, and rather
expect that a few Churches will be left standing in England for a few
years to come.
THE DISTURBER OF THE PEACE OF BRITISH
FARMERS.
(To Mr. Punchy
P wi’ your shillaly, Mr. Punch,
do, and drap well into that are
Meakey or Meckey, or what-
ever ’t.is he calls his name,
'there’s that are feller, and
have a bin fur ever so long, a
stickun of his self up as if
’twas o’ purpus fur you to
knock un down. He keeps
cryun fur a crack over the
head o’ that there stick o’
yourn — dwoant ’ee disappint
un no longer. Het un a
reglar good un, and knuck un
down, and as zoon as a gits up
agen net un another, and then
goo at un and gie un a preshus
good hidun. A Cockney like
he purtend to tache me ray
bisnus—let un mind his own,
and stick to knick-knacks and
knife-grindun. What can sitch
a feller as that know about
farmun F We must own that,
one o’ these days, when there’s
an end o’ the French nation,
zoords med be turned into
ploughshares, but we baint sitch fools as fur to let Meckey per-
swade us as how he can change rhaazors to riphooks. Every day
arnost there’s some owdacious whopper from that feller in the
papers, layun down that the law about what we ought to do—
summut as is clane unpossable and contrairy to razon. This here
sile’s to be drained, and that there’s to be doctored, which everybody
knows wun’t nuther on um pay fur’t arter ’tis all done, at laste iu our
time. We wastes this here and we neglects that there; we does all
sart.s o’ things as we didn’t ought to ha done, and we laves undone as
many more as we ought to ha done, accordun to this here fault findun
Alderman Yarmer. He’s always ather for thrustun zum new draainidge-
pipes into our crops, or crammun zum fresh manoeuvre down our
drooats. What’s it all done fur? Nuthun else but to annoy and
wurritate we. Then he prints a juggle of a ballunce-sheet to make
believe he gains instead of losun by his newfangled skeams, and also to
cudgel them as dwooant know no better into supposun that we be a
zet of ignurnt, pigheaded, prejudist clowns and incomepopes, as
dwooan’t know how to manidge our own consarns, and wun’t larn.
We bain’t to be blinded and bamboozed wi all that are hoke us poke
us, but sitch conjurashons imposes on folks as can’t zee droo um.
That’s how ’tis we gets laafed at, and told that our complaints is all
our own fault, Guvment can’t help us, but we must help ourselves;
and zo ’tis we never gits no justus. Now, there. People sez, ‘ What
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[Mat 5, 1860.
foolish country gentlemen to mind what they are about, and not quarrel
with their master.
PUNCH’S ADDRESS TO HIS TORIES.
“Dull men, in the country bred,
Dolts, whom Diz has often led.
If you lose your daring Head,
Farewell victory.
Twice you’ve seen the day and hour,
When he dragged you into power;
That’s a grape you ’ll long find sour,
If unhelped by D.
Who’s to lead you ? Henley grave ?
Classic Lytton, Whiteside brave ?
Walpole, victim to the Shave ?
Where’s your man but B. ?
Who creates the promptest raw,
Pam himself dares strongly jaw,
Gladstone’s figures, Bethell’s law,
Treats contemptuously ?
Lay such pumps as Bentinck low,
Close your ranks in sturdy row,
Will you lose your Chieftain ? No.
Five Disraeli ! ”
At least, if they mean to show any sport for the future, and not be a
mere grumbling, growling, protesting lot, hindering a little but never
acting, the Party will think twice before yielding, to the arrogant,
aristocratic, asinine jealousy that always sets itself against a leader whose
name is not iu the Peerage. However, it is their business, not Mr.
Punch's, who occasionally finds them worth licking w'hile they have a
Head, but will have only to laugh at them in the absence of that
article.
Tuesday. The Lords read, a second time, Lobd Campbell’s Bill for
infusing a little Equity into Law. The old Equity men (you wouldn’t
think that Mr. Punch means Chancery men, but such is the corruption
of language) do not like the change, so it may be inferred that it is for
the good of the public.
The Commons debate was an olla podrida. Mb. A. Smith (not he
of Mont Blanc) complained of the Queen going at low water between
ihe sea, which is hers, and private land, which is not, and claiming a
right over the intermediate space. Sir Richard Bethell Hared up
for his Royal Mistress, and showed that, as usual, all that she had done
was in the interest of the public. If Smith wants to pick up sand
eels and crabs, there is no objection to his filling his hat with .them,
but it is in the highest degree impertinent of him to. interfere with his
'Sovereign. His motion for a Committee on the subject was squashed.
A long Museum debate followed, everybody having views of his. own
■about the collection. Lord Palmerston said it was all a question of
money, and rather seemed to think that the best way would be to clear
out all the stuffed creatures and the rest of the Natural History, and
-so leave room for articles of human manufacture. Mr. Punch does not
entirely concur. Statues, monumental tablets, classical friezes, vases,
and sarcophagi are less interesting to the masses than the study of
natural history. People who are blessed with a taste for the former
articles are usually also blessed with wheeled carriages, or at least
with threepence to ride on the top of an omnibus, a remark which by
no means applies to their humbler fellow citizens. Argal,_ keep the
popular collection within reach of the people, and let the antiquities be
sent elsewhere—stuck over Primrose Hill, or erected at Brompton, if
there is no better place. The London Corporation Bill was read a
second time, Mb. Ayrton delivering an awfully long speech, proving,
■from the history of JEneas’s brother, that the Tower Hamlets ought to
be part of the City of London. The Census Bill, Ladies, was also
■read a second time, Mb. Baines complaining that it made it necessary
for a man to say what religion he professed. We dare say, dears, that
you think this a much smaller grievance than your own.
Wednesday. The Law of Property Bill was discussed in a debate of
great importance and extreme dryness.
Thursday. The Bishop of London came.out strong with a Bill for
re-arranging benefices that are not beneficial to the people, and for
carrying away churches that are useless, and putting them in more
advantageous positions.
The Reform Debate was resumed in the Commons. Mr. Black, a
Liberal, abused it. Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton delivered a set
oration, of great splendour, against it. Mr. Marsh, as a Reformer,
could not support it,. Sir J. Ferguson also attacked it. At length a
speaker arose in its favour, Mr. Denman, who praised it, and then
proceeded to show its incompleteness. Sir J. Walsh attacked it as a
Household Suffrage Bill.; and then Lord John Russell, in wrath,
rushed in to the rescue of his ill-used Pet, and declared it wras a lovely
Bill. He said Mr. Edwin James’s blunder was “ ludicrous: ”
defended his measure on the two grounds, that it would let in a mass
of the working classes, and that it wouldn’t; misquoted Mr. Disraeli
and was set right amid the laughter of the House; and warned people
that if this Reform were not conceded we might see an Ugly Rush—
not him at Madame Tussaud’s, but one predicted last year by
Mr. Henley. The rebel Bentinck then moved the adjournment of
the Debate.
Friday. A neat little spar between the Puseyite Lord Dungannon,
and the Bishop of Carlisle, (who as the Honourable and Reverend
Mr. Villiers was the pet of the young ladies of Mid-London,) excited
some, attention, though it was only about the spiritual necessities of
the diocese of Durham. •
In the Commons, the Reform Bill returns were again discussed, and
most of the speakers (Lord Stanley an exception) declared them
inaccurate. Sir Charles Wood said, that instructions had been given
to find out the names of some vulgar snobs and snobbesses from England,
who lately misconducted themselves in a place of Mahometan worship
at Cairo, and Mr. Punch pledges himself, should the parties be dis-
covered, to make them remember their brutality. Lord John
Russell said that there was going to be a Conference of the Eight
Powers about Savoy, but its jurisdiction was infinitesimal.
Three crack speeches were delivered by Mr. Whiteside, Mr.
Bright, and Mr. Disraeli on the Trelawny Bill for abolishing
Church-Rates, and then, on division, the Second Reading was carried
by the tiny majority of 9—namely, 235 to 226. The Conservatives
actually shouted.for more than five minutes at this dwindling down of
the usual majority, and they consider the Bill smashed, and rather
expect that a few Churches will be left standing in England for a few
years to come.
THE DISTURBER OF THE PEACE OF BRITISH
FARMERS.
(To Mr. Punchy
P wi’ your shillaly, Mr. Punch,
do, and drap well into that are
Meakey or Meckey, or what-
ever ’t.is he calls his name,
'there’s that are feller, and
have a bin fur ever so long, a
stickun of his self up as if
’twas o’ purpus fur you to
knock un down. He keeps
cryun fur a crack over the
head o’ that there stick o’
yourn — dwoant ’ee disappint
un no longer. Het un a
reglar good un, and knuck un
down, and as zoon as a gits up
agen net un another, and then
goo at un and gie un a preshus
good hidun. A Cockney like
he purtend to tache me ray
bisnus—let un mind his own,
and stick to knick-knacks and
knife-grindun. What can sitch
a feller as that know about
farmun F We must own that,
one o’ these days, when there’s
an end o’ the French nation,
zoords med be turned into
ploughshares, but we baint sitch fools as fur to let Meckey per-
swade us as how he can change rhaazors to riphooks. Every day
arnost there’s some owdacious whopper from that feller in the
papers, layun down that the law about what we ought to do—
summut as is clane unpossable and contrairy to razon. This here
sile’s to be drained, and that there’s to be doctored, which everybody
knows wun’t nuther on um pay fur’t arter ’tis all done, at laste iu our
time. We wastes this here and we neglects that there; we does all
sart.s o’ things as we didn’t ought to ha done, and we laves undone as
many more as we ought to ha done, accordun to this here fault findun
Alderman Yarmer. He’s always ather for thrustun zum new draainidge-
pipes into our crops, or crammun zum fresh manoeuvre down our
drooats. What’s it all done fur? Nuthun else but to annoy and
wurritate we. Then he prints a juggle of a ballunce-sheet to make
believe he gains instead of losun by his newfangled skeams, and also to
cudgel them as dwooant know no better into supposun that we be a
zet of ignurnt, pigheaded, prejudist clowns and incomepopes, as
dwooan’t know how to manidge our own consarns, and wun’t larn.
We bain’t to be blinded and bamboozed wi all that are hoke us poke
us, but sitch conjurashons imposes on folks as can’t zee droo um.
That’s how ’tis we gets laafed at, and told that our complaints is all
our own fault, Guvment can’t help us, but we must help ourselves;
and zo ’tis we never gits no justus. Now, there. People sez, ‘ What